Daniel-sitter applications

I am now accepting offers for people to come watch the Daniel so I can sleep and/or clean for the in-laws coming. To make a Daniel happy all the time, Applicants must be willinng to: * share any phone you are using, and let him call Uganda, the Seychelles, and Nimibia. * watch endless Elmo and monkey videos on YouTube * watch the Elmo DVD over and over * sing Elmo's song repeatedly until you have no voice * prepare bottles of milk he will refuse * prepare bottles of capri sun he will refuse * talk about everything he points to * offer him previous bottles over and over (which he will finally take) * not lose hearing when high-pitched screams occur for no known reason * never hint at putting him to bed, no matter how tired he seems * allow him to push every button on computer including the "delete everything on the hard drive" button * take him bye-bye and bring him home according to his whim * never tell him "no" or "stop" when he tries to rip computer away from you * repeatedly throw him in the air or lift him to touch the ceiling * think it is adorable when he goes through your purse * think it is even more adorable when he breaks through the containment barriers you have put up and heads into forbidden territory * not be drivin insane by the sounds of the Alpahbet Train's "Hi, I'm Lilly... Hi, I'm... Hi I'm Lilly, Let's get going... Hi.... Hi.... Hi I'm Lilly Hi I'm Lilly lets Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi I'm Lilly Hi I'm..." (Side note: I am convinced the audio programmers of the Alphabet Train did this on purpose ala the Little Mermaid artists and the phallic castles: When played with over and over too fast, you can make the train say: "Hi, I'm Hi(gh). Hi, lets get hi(gh)." ) Applicants may apply by coming over immediately and making him happy so I can take a nap. When Daniel naps (only voluntarily, of course) applicants may continue the application process by doing laundry and scrubbing the kitchen floor. Do not call. Just come over. Hurry.

lets talk benefits. I'll need full medical & dental.

No problem. One condition I did not mention is that Daniel must be allowed to continue his dental practice. Periodically he likes to put his fingers in your mouth and explore. Also, you are welcome to any of the medicine he has in stock. He suggests you follow-up cherry-flavored tylenol with a good binky.

Did you just say we could get high while watching your son? J/K But I know what you mean about the talking toys! My brother has 6 kids and of the most obnoxious talking toys....they suddenly seem to lose their batteries after a couple of days. When the kids bring it to my brother to 'fix' it....my brother will just shrug and say it's broken. I told him he better not make me mad or I'll come replace all the batteries some night while he's sleeping!!

You know as funny as this is I could really see you doing this!!!