Newbie

Howdy! Well, my wife's been visiting the site for a few months now. She's looking to have the gastric bypass done. We've been doing everything that we've needed to and now we're just waiting for the insurance paperwork and a date from the surgeon. But here is one of the reasons I joined: I am very nervous about the whole thing. We've been married almost 14 years and I am the one who has had the surgeries and been sick. Now the tables will be turned. I guess my questions are what to expect as a family member. What is it going to be like the hours and days after the surgery? I know what she'll go through and am prepared for that. But what have the families dealt with? Good or bad doesn't matter. As someone in the medical field I know the statistics and the risks and benefits. I know what to expect medically. Now what do I expect personally? Does this make any sense? How can I help my wife achieve her goals? How can I boost her spirits when she's down or maybe not doing as well as she had hoped? Any information will be greatly appreciated!

it's a NEWBY oops.. sorry Woody.. we don't get many newbies over here.. but so happy to see ya so first let me welcome you.. second.. I don't have too much advise as I went thru my surgery kinda alone. I was single and living alone and did just fine. My immediate family was very supportive.. for ME.. I just woke up every morning feeling skinnier and skinnier and was loving life again. I met some awesome people from the boards here.. and even fell in love with one. Together we have battled a major milestone.. that we both suffered from before WLS and that's addiction of alcohol. We all have food addictions.. but he and I also had the alcohol.. and after WLS it progressed. So together.. one day at a time.. we are getting better Only advise I can offer is your wife may think that this is going to cure all her problems.. and it doesn't. All it does is help her to lose weight.. the other problems will still exist and will need to be dealt with. I have had no complications from the surgery.. and have no regrets. I love my life.. problems and all.. it's better to have problems being skinny versus having problems being obese .. Hope you can steer your lovely wife to this BOARD.. as we would love to get to know her.. and you better!! Ps.. there is a SPOUSE BOARD also.. you may find some good advise on there also. Take care

first, I want to say that I commend you for reaching out to people for the sake of your wife and her choice to have WLS. Personally, when surgery time approaches, she will be anxious and doubtful that she is doing the right thing .. boils down to fear of the unknown, I guess. There will be times of great thrills at the sight of herslef losing weight, fitting into smaller sizes, having more energy, taking/requiring less meds... but with that, she will have some low times too.. (I did anyway). At about 2 weeks post op, I fell into what I guess was a depression. I didnt get dressed, I didnt leave my house.. I couldnt turn to my old friend, food.. it was awful but I turned it around and everytime I felt the sadness creep up, I went for a walk.. getting out helped me tremendously.. if I were to stay in the house, I would just dwell on it and it would get worse. How can I help my wife achieve her goals? * listen to her vent when she needs to... she will be relearing her body and what it can tolerate and it will be a struggle at times. * exercise with her... its always fun to have someone with you and it also shows you want to help her succeed. * compliment her in her hard work, not just her success in losing weight (although important). * just be the guy she married.. it will mean the world to her. I hope this helped. Beckie

you are right Becky.. how soon I forget.. Becky is right about the being sooo scared right before surgery.. I was facing in my head/thoughts that I may not survive the surgery. I would start on crying jags at the drop of a hat.. I wanted the surgery.. but was scared. But I forged ahead.. this is something she will probably have to deal with.. I would say just be there to listen to her and comfort her.. but it's still her decision. The head hunger right after WLS is consuming.. I watched many food channel tv stations that I use to not even care about.. but that too passed in time. Also.. after wls.. I find that I may get ill more often from things I eat or how I eat and will need to throwup. People who have not had the surgery "assume" I'm now bulimic and always like to harp on THAT.. and that can make me mad sometimes. As Becky said.. just be the man she loves.. and listen.. also give her space to learn about her own new emotions.. she will be readjusting to learn how to handle feelings that she use to eat to deal with. (if that makes sense)..

Hi Woody, Welcome to the board. I like Rhonda went through my surgery alone. My family was very supportive but scared to death for me. The first few weeks after surgery were try and learn for me but as the weight came off and I started to feel alive again after 10 years of being homebound and with in home health care everyday I kept getting better and happier than I had been in a very long time. My appearance has changed drastically and I have lost over 300 pounds, I am more outgoing than ever before and so truly thankful to have a life again. I can't offer any advice from a spouse's point of view but I can say that if you love and support your wife and be patient as she goes through the changes I feel assured that you and her will grow closer and happier than you ever imagined. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers. There are many on the board who can help you and are glad to do so. Good luck to your wife and keep us posted on things with her surgery. Hugs and love Sarah

Hey, someone else from Columbus! ... Welcome! As with anything, everyone reacts differently... but it is one of the most positive things I have ever done in my life... We're neighbors... let me know if there is anything I can do to help...

Thank y'all so much for the kind words. We have been working on getting the clearances and everything for about a year now. My wife is the one that told me about this forum and she has received a lot of good information. I guess I'm just nervous because I know from a medical standpoint what she will be going through. That's why we picked one of the best surgeons that we could find. She's whistling at me now to go shopping. LOL So I better run. Oh! And my wife's name on here is BellaMarie.

Hi Woody.. your lovely wife's OH name (BellaMarie) did not sound familiar to me.. so I took it upon myself to search.. and I found were you were sent to US http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/a,messageboard/action,replies/board_id,4856/cat_id, 4456/topic_id,3476201/ I listed the post.. just so others on this board may want to meet and or great your wife. Happy shopping .. and yes.. you better run.. If momma aint' happy.. ain't nobody happy

Thank you again, RHonda for the warm welcome. I just wanted to talk with others that have been through this and am so very happy to have received a warm reception. I don't mind off topic. I tend to do it myself. LOL

Hey I got a cousin named Woody. Welcome to our world. I can only give ya this advise.....no matter how much she tells ya she wants to hear the truth......MY GOD BE SMART AND LIE!!!!! Never say she has fat knees or anything like that cause she will remember it and bring it up till your old and gray! Actually my best advise is patience and understanding. Those hormones are gonna be going nuts so be prepared for a roller coaster of sorts and just hang on! Now she may relive her teenagehood. My best advice is become the designated driver. That way you can keep an eye on her! Seriously you may need to be patient while she lets her hair down a little. I have been whitness to crowds of postop wls women and let me tell ya they are somethin to see. Their self esteem is through the roof and they feel good and if ya keep in mind these are former fat girls that never even got a sideways glance from the guys and they are now little hotties that men REALLY notice you will see the how harmless it all is. I peeked at her pic on Rhonda's link and she's a cutie! So you're gonna have yourself a skinny trophy wife like me! Lucky guy! Welcome to the forum. Sparky