HELP ME BE SPITEFUL (sarcasm needed)

OK... I know I haven't been around for a while. But I also know these boards contain some of the *****iest, most sarcasticly vile minds ever. And it is those talented brains that I requre: ** Help me continue to f*** with this low-life scum. Normally, I dismiss these "Secret Nigerian Account" emails as the moronic scams they are... but ever since my dad died I have gotten 1 or 2 of these emails a week that refer to my dad having done "secret business transactions" with them -- and they need me to finish the transaction on his behalf, otherwise I risk losing the $14million (usually a number in this range) he has in this secret account. What boils me about these is that these ****bags KNOW my dad died... and that is WHY they are writing to me. It infuriates that people try to take advantage of the loss of a family member in this way. So... this time... this guy went so far as to go to my dad's website (which is now a memorial website) and wrote to me responding to my message that personal friends could email to find out more info on his death. I thought I was being sarcastically clever with my first response... but the guy is obviously as stupid as he thinks *I* am. He doesn't get it. So... I am continuing to f*** with him. But... I am stuck on how to respond to this last message. (Yes, I know I am stooping... and should let it go... and usually I would. But there is a place in Hell reserved for these goiter licking puss sucking rancid pieces of **** The ONLY way to retaliate against thes guys in any way is to, simply, waste their time.) **** So... here is how it began: MY INFORMATION ON MY DAD'S WEBSITE: Subject: Dan Lang passed away June 12, 2007. Dan Lang passed away June 12, 2007. If you are a personal friend, co-worker, or other associate, please feel free to write to his daughter Maria, at [email address]. Please put his name in the heading so it will not be confused with spam-mail. Thank you. HIS ORIGINAL MESSAGE IN RESPONSE TO THIS: I received your mail and the contents are duly noted. Most importantly,your urgent action is highly needed as to send the original copy of your revalidated check to your address to enable you cash the check. Do kindly view the attachment in this email to see your draft that has been issued since the 30 of March 2007 and need's revalidating before collection. Note that the Bank of America Cayman where we run our accounts have contacted us to this effect. Based on that I hereby inform you to chose one out of the two options: (A) You are to come down to my office in London and pick up your draft in person. (B) Your draft can be sent to you through Courier Company upon your request, and the courier cost/insurance plus the revalidation fee will be taking care by you the beneficiary of the draft. You have the opportunity to choose one out of the options and get back to me for the original copy of your draft. Attached is a copy of your check for your perusal. Be inform that DHL, FedEx, UPS and postal mail in London does not dispatch banking documents like check, because of the laws on money laundering now in London, but we are going to use the services of Bankers Courier, which is an affiliated courier to Banks in London, for the services of dispatching banking documents out of England, they will accept to deliver an open check like this on the condition that the check must have to be Insured. Be informed that the insurance fees are refundable upon the receipt of the check, the courier company will refund your insurance fee to you, you are to claim your insurance fee back from the courier company with a copy of the airway bill slip that will be issued to you. Finally as you can see from the date on the check there is no possibility of my taking out any money from it since am not the issuer. Awaiting your compliance. Thanks Mr. Leo Sean MY FIRST RESPONSE TO HIM: Subject: Re: Dear Maria/Dan Lang Wow. My dad had a lot of money in a secret account? That is great. Why don't you take your fee, send me the check, and then I will pay you back. You will have to trust me just as much as I am supposed to trust you. (Your correspondence has been forwarded to the proper US/International Authorities) [Edited note OH folks: There are no authorities I know of that deal with this... I was just trying to scare him.] THEN HIS "I DON'T GET IT" RESPONSE: Mr Leo Sean wrote: ATTN: Thank you for your mail and this is the cost for the courier charges for the delivery of your revalidated draft copy plus revalidation.Or you you choose to make a wire transfer you have to bear the cost. Revalidation: $300 Courier: $100 Insurance: $700 (Optional) Total:$1,100 Dollars. With the Insurance Total:$400 Dollars Without the Insurance This should be sent with the following information's. Name: ANNA PHILIP Address: London UK. Do send via money gram money transfer or western union money transfer and the payment information's sent over to me so that i can take a copy to the bankers courier agent to register your draft for delivery. Note that if you will like for your draft to be insured, you will have to pay the sum of One Thousand One Hundred Dollars and if you will not want to put an insurance coverage on your draft, you will have to pay the sum of Four Hundred Dollars for an express delivery of your draft. I wait to read from you with the payment information's plus your identity that you will attached to this email to enable the bank get the necessary thing done. Mr. Leo Sean AND THEN *I* SAID: Subject: Re: Dear Maria/Dan Lang You pay for it. I'll pay you back. TO WHICH HE RESPONDS (THIS is where I want help with a super-clever, sarcastic response) Attn: There is no way i can do anything for now,you have to follow the protocol guiding the rules and conditions against the law with our bank,try and see how you can send the fee across immediately. Mr Leo Sean ******* OK *****MEISTERS AND SCARCASTIC STUDS. HELP ME. There is nothing you can do to these guys other than waste their time -- because everything originates from International countries that don't have laws (or work with the US) regarding internet/banking scams like this. MAKE ME PROUD! .

you're causing yourself far more grief than they. I love sarcasm but in this case i'd really suggest you let it go. Or if you can't maybe try google to see how others have dealt with it, i know i've seen some really witty and effective ways of messing with these people but it's far beyond my abilities to do it right. I haven't checked his stuff in a long time but it seems to me to be exactly the kind of thing you might find on Doug Stanhope's site. He loves to f&ck with internet idiots.

omg....wow...ok, let me think for a second....be back...have to go get my biatch hat on

Of course I can't come up with something when the pressure is on.... But I do want to say that I am soooo sorry that you are having to deal with jackasses like this after having your dad pass. Hugs, Jen

Possible options: On another forum, someone suggested I send him fake wire transfer info. (I am pretty sure I couldn't accidently injure someone else's account, cause it all has to match up. I would just get Mr. Leo Sean all excited at thinking he was about to get $1,100...) Also, I was thinking of saying "You said in your first email I could come by your London office. Coincidendally, I will be in London in two days on business. Please give me your street address and phone number so I can come by and meet with you." Thoughts?

I love the second option....tell him: PS I love tea and crumpets too...can we meet over tea and crumpets? JK I have England friends and we laugh about that

Hi Maria.. Hope all is well.. I know you want to give them a taste of their own medicine but unfortunately, it isnt even effecting them. They are in the process of fishing.. trying to scam you as well as 100's of others and are just waiting for a bite. Contact Dateline.. seriously.. they did a whole show on this and tracked the person behind all of the emails down.. and confronted them. It was pretty cool and interesting. To use the death of a family member as leverage is disgusting but dont carry it on any further. It isnt worth it. Hugs, beckie

I would help... but I'm now in AA trying to cure me of this type of stinkin' thinkin' I'm sorry these emails have you so upset Maria.. I know so well how the thought of sweet revenge smells and tastes.. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference If you can change it so that these emails are stopped and whomever is responsible is held accountable.. then I say take those measures.. otherwise I wish you serenity!!

I agree that this is horrible. My dad will be dead 15 yrs this December and my mom still gets credit card forms for him in the mail and phone calls wanting to speak to him about lowering his interest rates. It sux for her to still have to hear these things. I also agree that you're causing yourself more problems and heartache by even acknowledging these folks. If you must email them back, tell them you've gotten their ip address, location of where they work out of, and the police have told you they're already investigating them and close to an arrest. Then you will never hear from them again. I just want to hug you... How's the baby and the rest of your family? And how are you??? I mean, other than this thing. Liz