I cant stop

I cannot stop thinking about food. I am working to address this issue before it gets too out of control, but my gosh man. its annoying. I am afraid to eat. thinking that it will be too much. I dont know that I trust myself. I feel pre-op right now with my thoughts/relationship with food. do you think this is kind of par for course (or whatever the saying is) I mean has anyone else experienced this? I think this is being brought on for a couple different reasons: 1. yesterday was my 2 year mark. and I feel like I "should" be at a different point than I am. (I know, I know.....never should on yourself) I have a hard time with anniversaries/birthdays/holidays etc, cause it makes me think of where I feel I should be, which often makes me sad, rather than focusing on the progress I have made. I need to retrain my thinking... 2. my scale showed the highest I've been in a long time. I am less than pleased. if this were someone else I would tell them to get back on the wagon, go back to basics, etc...but since it is ME...I of course have to be much more harsh. I have to learn to be kinder to me. anyway, was just kind of seeing if anyone else has experienced this.

Yes, I have. At 18 months, I became malnourished and ill with a multitude of things. The doctor said eat or I'm putting you in the hospital. I learned to graze. I gained 10 pounds and then my plastics on my tummy and arms. That was a year ago last January. Since then, I have gained 70 pounds not only due to having to eat (doctor said I was anorexic and going to put me in a "facility" at 185 pounds). That's the weight I was in the avatar pic, but a size 8 jeans. Anyway, medications, depression, and the fact that I don't dump has put weight on me because of eating. Even though doctors said that 30-50 of it was medication and steroids. Ok. I still ate and felt guilty about it. I guess I had started to become anorexic. People said I looked sick and pale. Guess what? I was. My current doctor understands my feeling such despair and humiliation for gaining the weight, but has told me to get my feelings in check before dieting. He even said not do exercise more than just mild walking because of physical issues that have developed due to gaining 70 pounds in one year. God bless him, though, because he has the understanding about my body to be able to say with a straight face "you can eat an apple and gain 5 pounds" and mean it... When I first started gaining the weight, I was going to a gym, same time, everday and would even weight at the same time, same clothes. I very seriously did this and if people say it isn't possible, they have no had it happen. I literally gained 10 pounds over night. It was no****er; it never went away. The next week I gained 17 pounds and so on. So, Kellee, you are not the only one struggling even though it feels like it. There are no support groups in this area that are accepting of me since I moved from Tulsa and my surgeon is no longer a bariactric surgeon due to malpractice. The one meeting I went to was me being "sympathized" with because my surgery was a failure. Hmmm...I still have kept off 75 in over 3 yrs. Some failure... But yes, I actually do feel like that. All food addicts (and we are or we wouldn't have had surgery) have the same issues as alcoholics, drug addicts, anorexics, and other people with "true" illnesses. Society just doesn't think of the "fat people" as ill; just lazy. I'm here if you need me. Liz

moved from Tulsa and my surgeon is no longer a bariactric surgeon due to malpractice That should have read malpractice insurance. It is another $100 k per year per doctor to do bariactric surgery in Oklahoma.

Ya know sweetie I too am going through the same thing. I am always hungry and am always thinking of what to eat. It is struggle. I guess I try to remember to eat the right things. As much as I love Big Hunks and Skittles I have to make myself eat sunflower seeds and jerky and sugar free stuff. Again the hard part is making myself do these things. I too have put on about 15 pounds in the last 3-4 months. It's totally my fault and I can make it stop if I put my mind to it. Of course putting my mind to it is the hard part. My added complication is I feel I need to be strong for Deb and I feel like I am letting her down. You're lucky in that Bruno doesn't see or care what you eat. Well unless you're willing to share with him! I wish I had the answer honey but I can tell you are not alone. Also you will always be you no matter what ya weigh. Sparky

when I'm busy.. no I don't think of food all that much.. but let me be somewhere were their is some awesome looking food.. like work when the girls bring it in.. or a festival.. or my moms.. and I am a little piggie. When I go to the store I'm good in shopping and I'm good at home and work (when coworkers are dieting) pretty much. I think most of that is my neediness for control.. and trying to control Dan's eating too.. cuz I don't want him to gain weight either.. .. I have a control sickness.. I'm a little over 3 years out and from my lowest that I remember ever weighing 143 weighed that BEFORE Gatlinburg the first time and slowly gained.. I'm struggling at about 165ish.. give and take a couple. And have been for quite some time... I would love to get to 150ies..(and if I do that.. 145ish )but if I don't gain more, I can be happy too. I just know that I HAVE to be on constant guard.. I cheat now and then.. like friday I bought and ate a reese cup.. and wolfed both down. But then that was around 8ish and I hadn't ate since breakfast at work.. cuz I had been shoppin and then I ate half of a 6inch Subway for supper. when you think of food.. are you at home.. and do you buy bad things for the house.. or are you out like at a celtic fest where wonderful smelling yummie highly expensive food runs rappant altho.. you should be on the pouchie test diet (per your doctor's orders).. when restricted like that I thought of food constantly too.. liquid protein makes a dry can of tuna sound yummie.. oh yeah.. Dan and I were at the Thrift Store yesterday and a lady walked past us.. Dan and I both looked at each other.. and said OMG.. this lady was tall.. but no bigger around than my leg I think.. it was soo sad.. and I couldn't help but to keep looking at her.. there was no question that she was extreme anorixea.. I must of stared at her the way some people would stare at my fatness. Altho like Liz.. I think some look at her and say that poor sick thing.. she can't help herself. While some look at MO people and wonder why they don't stop eating.. we are just lazy. When in reality.. we are all the same.. just sick.. and like I told Liz.. "we all deserve each other.. " hugssss with LOVE

Kellee,I know what you are going through.I am aliitle longer than you.I find myself thinking of the things that I once was able to eat.The longer one gets the harder it is. This broad and support meetings helps out alot,it gives me a reality check. Plus drink alot of water that would control your desired for food.Exercise helps too it give your mind something to do besides think about food. You and everyone else on this broad looks great so do not beat yourself up. bob