Hopefully You Won't Think I'm a Nut Case

Morning Peeps! For so many years I have told myself I like being alone, I don't need a man in my life, but, I think I have been afraid to even try. I have this self-esteem problem that I'm trying to work on. I see myself as unattractive so if someone acts like they are attracted to me I either 1) don't see it or 2) I wonder what is wrong with him if he is attracted to me. My Sister tells me I make myself unapproachable...I don't realize this. I'm really good at being a good friend to men and women but beyond that I suck I truly do feel better about myself, how I look, how I feel but yet I feel so closed off when it comes to jumping back in and trying to date. It's a little different for me then some of you young ones on this board I'm 52 years old and I'm afraid that I might have missed the dating window so to speak. Okay...I'm not crazy, I was just wondering was it hard for anyone else to jump into the dating scene.....I don't even know where to begin to try again.....HELP ME....Advise, a couch for counseling, anything would be appreciated. Hugs. Barb

(((Barb))) Have you ever considered one of the male friends you have as "date material"? I think sometimes a friends first, relationship afterwards works well and feels a little less threatening. After all, we want the person we are with ultimately to be our best friend so if we choose to have someone as a friend, isn't that really the first step? Mel

Hi Mel! So good to see you. I think my male friends just think of me as a friend and if they didn't I probably wouldn't see any of the clues. You are right I want whoever I choose to also be my best friend but I have to find away to open myself up and not feel so insecure. Thanks for the hugs I needed them this morning Have a great day! Barb

Well you **DEFINITELY** have not missed the dating window but you have to be willing to put yourself out there and that can be really difficult. Trusting someone, especially if you've been hurt before, can be hard to overcome. Please don't take this the wrong way, but have you considered counseling of some sort to perhaps talk about you feelings and figure out how best to work through them? I think learning to love and accept ourselves can be one of the most difficult tasks to conquer before we can be in a relationship with someone else. Mucho hugs to you sweetie! Mel

You are so right...it's hard to love someone else when your not loving yourself. Don't get me wrong Mel, I like who I am, I think I'm a good person, good friend, daughter, sister but you are right that I'm afraid to put myself out there...maybe because I'm afraid I will be rejected.....but, that is life sometimes huh? I may consider talking to someone about my insecurities and why I feel like no matter would find me attractive. Thanks for listening Mel, it helps just to have someone to bounce ideas off of Hugs. Barb

I think you just have to try to rid yourself of expectations and "what ifs" and just jump on in and get your feet wet. If you get over your head just swim back to shore or give us a shout and we'll throw you a rope. it's 2007. 52 year old women can be truly vibrant and wonderful. Which is probably why you're called Vibrant Barb. You haven't missed any window. GO FOR IT! btw, i can't believe you're 52! You look way younger than that in your pics. I'll bet you feel way younger than that too. So go have some fun!

Thanks Jay I may be yelling for the rope Hugs. Barb

that Mel and Jay are awesome.. and give some wonderful advice.. personally I like "bouncing" my feelings off of them.. they challenge me to think and give me different perspectives to look at. I think they both have given you some great advice and words... I've met you and you are vibrant.. and fun.. and beautiful. A man (I know) would find you the same way as I do.. and would love to spend time with you. Like Dan (and myself) searching and finding our way to a happier life.. you have to also. We are all works in progress.. none of us perfect.. I love knowing that each of us have our insecurities.. and flaws.. and are not ashamed to share them and I'm even more proud when we are all trying to work on them and find our way thru this world being happier people you are not alone.. I know that many suffer the same insecurties as yourself.. but you do need to work thru them.. not because you have to, but because you posted this and we know you want to

You are right...I do want to. I guess it's my time to do a little soul searching, to realize that through this journey I have my health back but that is different then getting my life back. I have to put myself out there, work through my insecurities and just get to know new people and let them get to know me without any expectations like Jay said. I love this board and the people on it. Everyone does challenge me to really think instead of just sitting around having my own pity party wondering why I have no one in my life......Thank you and my thanks to Jay and Mel...............now it is time for me to do the work. Hugs. Barb

You go girl!