To Tell Or Not

I need help on what to do. My stepfather's first wife died after gastric bypass surgery in the 70's and he is VERY adamant against any kind of weight loss surgery (understandably so). But now that I am going to have surgery, I have to decide if and when to tell my mom and stepdad. I don't want to upset or worry them, but eventually, I'm sure they will wonder or worry about the change in me. They live in another state so I don't see them real often. Thanks so much for your thoughtful input. Shirley

The 70's is so far away and 37 years ago. Things have improved since the 70's. You could explain to them in a positive way what you expect from them and what you want from them before you tell them of your decision. Always lay down your ground rules first. I am sure it will be a positive outcome. I am 10 years post-op and I am in good health and a succesfull story. Good luck to you. You will be fine and I am sure they will support you in your decision. This is the 21 century. remember to speak to them with love and be calm. ((((Hugs)))) Dani

Hi Shirley... I am new to this board today..but not new to ObesityHelp or WLS..I am a patient advocate who was trained in and around surgery by an awesome young doctor in Northern Kentucky.. My job during the training with him was to act as a patient advocate between he and the family...I did this with pride, to do my job I felt I needed to know all I could find out about WLS..though I had been through it all, what happens behind the scenes from beginning to end. Dr. Sonnanstine took me under his wing and allowed me to follow him everywhere for several months...including observing him in surgery...it was the most awesome thing I have had the privilege of experiencing..since then I have spent 4 more months with two other surgeons observing and learning even more. during this training I have watched revisions of old surgeries, seen the results of botched surgeries where he had to go in and fix them...I was amazed at the difference between what goes on today ...how much the surgery has improved over these last several years and..even more so recently.. Today our younger surgeons come out of their training with incredible skills as laparoscopist..now these guys don't open the patient to do the surgery..and I am here to tell you if a surgeon tells you he can see better with an open surgery, that is just not true..I have observed both types!! but lap surgery is less invasive and much easier on the patient...the surgery in itself is done maticulously and it should be a surgeon who has practiced it and is a specialist in bariatrics.. I recommend to every person who ask me, to visit several different surgeons...attend seminars and always ask questions...remember as a patient or support person with a patient you are a consumer just as if you are purchasing a car or home.. most of us would take more time to research a new car then we would a doc. today I am realizing I need to take control of my life, I do not let a doc talk down to me, I will never be intimidated by them as I have the power to say no, I don't like this, or i am not comfortable!!... ...I was sent to one by my family doc....but in research I found one I liked better and i liked his stats...looking back and knowing what i do now I still feel I made the right choice between the two...HOWEVER, also knowing what I do now...I would this time chose a laparoscopist..I have known patients who have had surgery on Monday and went shopping on Thurs..now, the doc wasn't real happy about it, but they did it and did just fine!! the surgery itself has changed also...in RNY, they no longer just staple the stomach only..which is called a non partition staple line..today they actually seperate the stomach making it more permanent..also equipment is much better..today Synovis Surgical came up with something called peri-strips...the best way I can explain it is it's like a piece of tape..so when the stomach is stapled....the strip goes on and then disappears about the same time the stomach heals itself..this gives it an even better seal..a new strip is coming out for the circular stapler and being tested through the US now buy a few selective surgeons..I have had the privilige of being there during one of the test.. the circular stapler is used where the stomach and the intestines come together and they staple it...this is an area where often times a leak can occur...but with this new peri-strip the docs I know that are using it are saying it's incredible ..they love it and say it's the best seal they have ever seen....this takes down even more possiblities of leaks which is the biggest concern and most dangerous of complications to any surgeon.. so with all of this being said every day places like Ethicon..on Q pain..Synovis are working non stop trying to find and improve todays surgery... Most patients who are at high risk are those with complicatiosn to begin with..however, there is always a chance of complications in any surgery...I have told patients many times that you can die having a toe nail removed.. chose your surgeon carefully..ask questions and go to the state board where you are having it performed and ask questions about that surgeon.. Now, I have to say I am non medical...but this is exactly the reason i studied under these docs..so that as a non medical person I can give a real and true account of what happens so that I am not trying to "sell" anything...as a patient and a patient advocate I wanted to find out the safest and surgeries and safest surgeons I could in my area...for the patients!! please feel free to email me with any questions you may have..if I can't answer it maybe I can find a doc who can!! Brenda

I don't understand the problem. If you feel you're going to freak them out and get emotional blowback, don't tell them. As you get healthier, they'll ask questions. Just tell them you're on the "eat less, walk more" diet, and you won't be lying. If it comes to a head and you feel like you can't just lie to them 12 months post-op, tell them then. At least you'll get your healing and emotional stability before you have to face someone else's issues.