The Struggle is REAL
The morning of January 2, 2012 I lay in my hospital bed weighing in at 238lbs waiting to be taken to the PR to have my sleeve done. Today here I am at 205 having reached my lowest weight of 173lbs. I never took the time to realize how close to goal weight I was..12 freakin pounds. The weight slide off, no extra skin hanging. Then I got comfortable. I was able to eat more and I did, my portions grew bigger, I felt like I couldn't waste any food. I saw the weight gain, go up a size in clothing, no big deal I would say. Few months later you can't fit the new jeans you bought two months ago. One day you look around and you've got a closet full of clothes that you cant fit, you look in the mirror and say where did this gut come from? You put on a good girdle and continue to be in denial. You join a gym and pay, but don't go. This is my life. I'm disappointed in myself, because I let this happen. I look in the mirror and I see the extra chin, I see it in pictures now. I'm remembering how depressed I was at 238, how I didn't feel attractive, how I had to pause at every set of stairs. I don't want to go back to that. So I went to see about getting a revision to have gastric bypass. I set my appointment date for surgery, I did the pre opt diet, and the night before they called to tell me my insurance denied the coverage. I was disappointed, but I loved the progress I had made . Those few days of sugar free everything and water made me drop a few pounds. But did I stick with it? Hell no!!! I got in my feeling and went on a rampage of eating. Since the end of December I have been eating everything that isn't nailed down. My nut said I am a binge eater, she put me on meds to control the urge to eat. NOT working!!! I finally got approved after my surgeons fought with the insurance company. I'm really mad that the will power you have when you first get the surgery is no where to be found when you crash and burn. This is my last chance, I cant mess this up. I know my mistakes and YES they are MINE. This is a tool and i have to use it and everything that comes with it. I bought the food scale, I am going to go work out, I will see a dietition regularly. I will reach out here to you all for support. we cant do it alone, we have to help each other.
I am so happy that you are going to have the revision. I have tried to have one several times over the years. My doctors have documented the failed RNY for 10 years, but my insurance companies always wiggle out of it. At 1 year post op I had only kept off 13 lbs. Seriously...where was the "honeymoon"? Now I have a $7000 deductible and I don't have $7000 so my insurance is useless. I know you will do well after your surgery is corrected. Many people's surgeries help them with portion control and keep them feeling fuller longer. I had a 2 oz. pouch and a 2 cm stoma and a 70 cm bypass. I had no restriction or mal-absorption...ever. You might ask your surgeon what the specifics of you RNY are to make sure it will help you. Bless your surgeon for taking the time to help you. Tri
Hello everyone. Thank you for the kind words. It helps a lot on this journey because everyone doesn't get the support they need. Tri, I will say a special prayer that you will be able to get a revision. Maybe run into some lucky money. To be very honest my surgeon didn't take time to worry about how I was feeling or the fact that I gaining weight, he saw $$. I was denied the day before the first time my revision was scheduled and he kept appealing until they budged a few months later.
Missmac, I wish you the best of luck with your surgery and I cant wait to hear how you feel after. Honestly and not to scare you, I feel like I made a mistake. Of course so many of us feel "buyers remorse" right after but then we are very happy later. I haven't hit happy yet. My revision was May 24th and I was 195 by then due to liquid diet for 7 days. Today I am at 167. I have lost weight very quickly and here's why. 3 weeks after the revision I was sitting eating lunch when I got this unbearable pain in my stomach. I mean rolling on the floor, crying pain. I couldn't eat or drink or stand straight. I cried myself to sleep. The following day I called my surgeon and told them what was going on. They sent me back to the hospital to the ER. The hospital I had my surgery is 45 mins away. I get there and they can see my pee is brown, they called it dry which of course would mean I was dehydrated. They had me drink barium so they could do a CT Scan. I was in pain if I sipped anything. They did the scan and saw nothing, gave me Tylenol via iv and sent me home. I was able to eat and drink a little with the meds freshly in my system and then the pain was back. I laid in pain from Wednesday night until Saturday late afternoon, unable to eat, drink, or walk. I felt like my body was melting away and my family was besides themselves. They felt like they were watching me die. I called my surgeon again and he directed back to the ER and said he was admitting me. I was put on an iv for fluids and I was given and upper and lower GI, and they saw nothing. They told me on Monday they would do a endoscopy to see if they saw anything. then they changed their mind and decided on Tuesday they would do an exploritory exam. I was out of my mind. 3 weeks after being cut open for the bypass, you wanted to cut those holes open again to explore?? They said they felt like i had a hernia. Screw what you feel, i need a yes it is or no it isn't before you go opening me again. They did the surgery and yes I did have a hernia. This isn't uncommon because i have heard of people having a hernia repaired why getting a sleeve or bypass, but to have to go through it 3 weeks after one surgery. It was a lot mentally and physically. I used up mostly all of my vacation and sick time at work. I am back at work, but my energy level is crap. i get tired so quickly and i still haven't been cleared to go to a gym. im thinking of taking short term disability just to be able to get my energy up. i have a 4 yr old and I cant constantly be drained. my body has not healed as i got sick with a very bad cold and its kicking my butt and zapping my little bit of energy. I went 3 days without eating too much of anything. at least i am getting more food in now.
i pray you have a safe surgery and a speedy recovery with no complications. please reach out and let me know how you are doing
Brandi_L_Moran · 2 replies · 669 views
