Feeling like a complete failure :(

Well, I am not really sure where to go with this post or how to describe how I am feeling. I started this journey at over 500 pounds. I had high hopes of losing all my weight. I had rny 5 years ago and lost 150 pounds (from surgery weight to my lowest) when in reality I needed to lose 350 pounds. I followed all the rules for my first 7 ish months when I lost mostly the 150 pounds then I am not sure what happened. I exercised some but not like I should have.  I feel like I failed my weight loss surgery because I should have followed ALL the rules, I should have exercised. I should have done alot of things and didn't. I have gained back about 30 pounds and trying so hard to lose weight again and make my tool work for me.

I just don't get the scale sometimes. When I have tried my heart out, counting calories, counting fat, counting carbs, counting sodium intake, counting protein and lose 3 pounds in 2 months. I have even put effort into exercising. It is so hard when I made this decision to have surgery I was serious. I wanted to follow all the rules. I watched people as they lost all their weight, or get close to goal. Yes I know it could be worse, I realize I could be back up to 500 pounds, I could have gained EVERYTHING back PLUS some. Every year I say..this will be my year, this will be the year I make progress and do this for me. I am tired of being morbidly obese, I am tired of the stares I STILL get when I go grocery shopping, I am tired of still wearing 3x and sometimes 4x clothing, I am tired of  struggling to walk and every bone and muscle in my body aching. I want a better life for myself. I am still unable to get a real job because my weight holds me back.

I guess what I really want to know is how many have lost weight after regaining some? How did you do it? How many calories did you eat? A nutritionist has told me 5 meals a day at 300 calories each meal. (3 meals and 2 snacks a day) fuel my body. I have tried that consistently for 2 months and the scale goes up and down. I don't get it. My thyroid is fine. I have no medical issue as to why this is. Yes my metabolism is messed up royally!!! I just don't know how many calories to consume. I am thinking 1500 might be too much but I have no idea.

Any thoughts, opinions, suggestions is so much appreciated!!! thank you.

 

Sent you a friend request. Imo wls is part science part art. Each of us have to find what works. This is a combination of diet and activities. In my case my surgeon recommends 700-900 calories to lose plus exercise. When I accepted that I lost the regain and more. Today I am 3 years out at surgery goal with 200 lbs lost. I am still working on at least 20 more. There is so much information out here that it was hard for me to get my head around it. What is your current meal plan call for 1500? I could not lose at that level.

You're not alone; I'm in the same boat! I am determined to get the weight loss ball rolling again but, often after 12 to 18 months out, the weight loss comes off a lot slower. At that point mine came to a slow crawl.

 

I am determined to get back on track again but, until then, I am enjoying my new life and the 200 pounds I have lost from my highest. As long as I am healthy and exercising regularly, for now that will have to be enough. I don't give up hope but I am not going to drive myself crazy either when the result turns out to be the same.

I can relate. I gained all my weight back after the sleeve. (though I had only lost 25 lbs. after 3 months and then plateaued for 9 months and then gained it all back).  It's devastating. I am lost. I try to get back on track and fail. Lately, I have lost all motivation to try and fallen into depression. I have given up on myself. I realize that i give up on myself way too easily.  That's the core issue here (along with low self-esteem that has been chronic since childhood).   I hope that working thru those issues with a therapist will give me the motivation to try again.  My goal right now is to stop crucifying myself for having gained weight and accept myself as I am.  I'm bigger than I was when I went in for surgery ... almost 300 lbs now. (was 275 when I went in for surgery).  I walk my dog daily for one mile. I am still a grazer. I still use sugar as a drug to numb feelings. So I pray for strength to love myself enough to eat healthy foods. I pray for motivation to care about myself. I hope I find my way through this abyss of emptiness and failure. One day at a time.

 

   They say you can,t  miss something that you have never known but, that is so untrue.  All my life I have dreamed of being thin or just normal weight. I was a fat child.  A super fat teenager. and Super obese Adult.  I even watch brother die at age 40 weighting close 600 pounds.  He to big to weigh. I watch him suffer and then finally die.   I been on a diet or weight lose plan my whole life.  I am just so sick of it all. For years I was even pissed off at God and even Blamed him for making me this way.  Praying to be was pointless because,  I tried, I prayed,  I starved myself,   I exercised, I ate healthy, I went to doctors,  I went to support groups. Nothing would take the weight off.  It horrible feeling to feel that you have no control over your body. Because , The shame and humilation I received as a child and even an Adult has with from other people was unending and pure torture.  It took years of therapy and depression medication for to even to learn to like myself even a little bit. But, Grow up everybody even adult being cruel to you.  It,s  hard not to believe what they say.  I truly grew  up not trusting anybody and still don,t at times. You have to learn to love yourself the way your are.  I had Gastric- by- pass to save my life. Because, 395 pounds , My body breaking down,My feet swelling , Blood Pressure was high, I was in pain and had sleep apnea. Plus I new if did get the surgery.  I would die like my brother.  I,m scared, because, I did lose 195 pounds, It was the best thing that ever happen to me.  but, I never to goal of being under 200 pounds.  I  got down 210 pounds. No matter what I did. I could not get under 210 pounds.  Now I am at 226 .  I know have not gain that much.  But, Still,  It 15 pounds. and am Starting to feel hungry all the time now. I am in situation that feel hopeless  like no matter what I do.   The weight will come back on . That was never meant to be a normal weight.  I just feel so hopeless.  I don,t regret having the surgery.  I hate that size has ruint my life.

 

I will tell you my personal experiences with dieting (pre-surgery)  

I grew up thin.  Until 2009, I was in great shape and my body was on fire.  I went through a lot.  I became bulimic for a period of time.  Fought that, stopped purging, kept binging for a few months picked up 50-60 lbs.  I had a knee surgery put on another 20-30 lbs.  Had an ovarian cyst gained another 30 pounds.   Finally, my boyfriend got murdered now I am extremely obese! Not happy.  Finally made a plan.  I heard a lot of should have, would have could have.  You can't change what you DIDN'T do.  You can change what you NEED to do now!  Don't lose hope!  For me, when I modify my food, it takes me 8 weeks to see a POUND drop!  That's with exercise 6 days per week.  Look how much better you feel now!  Shrink your stomach back down!  The best thing you can do is give up all sugar!  ALL OF IT!!! Only eat protein, and vegetables!  No fruit, no juice, no nothing.  Your body turns unused sugar into fat instantaneously.  If you live a relatively sedentary lifestyle you will not lose much weight!  I really wish you the best of luck!  I'm sorry you're not to your goal yet, but you have the best tool available on the market today.  Don't give up!  You can do this!