VSG failure? It's in the perspective I suppose.

I intensely dislike the term "failure." I think everyone who loses weight, surgery or not, has his or her own journey. But at this juncture, I would be termed a WLS failure I suppose.

My highest weight was 370. I lost about 70 pounds on my own and then became pregnant with my first child in 2008. After I had her, I had an intense appetite while breastfeeding. I couldn't stop putting on the pounds. I decided when she was 6 months old that I was going to have WLS and had read about the band vs the sleeve vs RNY. I decided to go for the sleeve. In May 2009, I had the procedure at a weight of around 322 and got miserably EXHAUSTED. That energy people say they feel as they lose weight did not happen in me. In fact, I've never truly felt well since the surgery. Most of it is my own doing as I have not adhered at all to my prescribed eating plan. I am not able to eat much at all at one time, but I constantly graze, looking for my next "high." I drink way too much coffee and lattes because eating is annoying to me. I don't feel like I can eat enough to really sustain myself. Anyway, I lost down to about 255 and have now gained 30 pounds back. I had another child in April 2012 and battled severe fatigue during that pregnancy. And believe if or not, during all this, I became a physician assistant (hence the PAC in my name). In any event, I'm battling anemia and have to really watch my calcium, magnesium, and B12 levels due to having to be on strong PPIs because of severe reflux from the surgery (and poor habits of course).

I never realized until today the reason I gained weight. I believe most of it is because I don't like eating much anymore. I like drinking. Eating isn't comfortable for me. According to an endoscopy done today, I have a narrowing in my stomach, which is likely causing GERD and early satiety. So eating sucks. My husband says, "I don't know how you even survive with as little as you eat." But I keep eating every 1.5-2 hours, which is the problem. I used to eat when I was hungry; unfortunately, I now eat when I'm not full. Sounds terrible, doesn't it? But I got in a really bad habit and need to break it.

So, at 285 pounds, I need to get back to the basics.
1) Protein -- my goal is now 100 g per day. I know this is a lot, but for me, I feel much better with that
2) Veggies -- I need to alkalinize my body with veggies as I have such acid. And I need to stop eating the trigger foods like most grains and sugar, which give me bad reflux.
3) No more that 1 cup of coffee a day. I have reflux; need I say more? I have a great low-acid high antioxidant coffee that I just bought. I don't believe 1 cup of this to be detrimental.
4) No drinking with meals anymore. I don't know why I started doing that...I think it's because I feel uncomfortable when I eat because of the narrowing in my stomach
5) Be kind to myself and exercise. I sleep better, look better, and feel better with exercise.
6) Daily affirmations. I have been repeating to myself, "I am strong, fit, and energetic" and sometimes actually start to feel that way. 

If I had to do it over again, I would not have had the procedure. But hindsight is 20/20. I hate that I have a narrowing in my stomach, but guess what? My journey is such that because of this, I still have major restriction with food. I believe I should look at this as a positive, no? Until today, I never thought of it that way. It's almost like I have a lap band on top of my sleeve. I am getting back to basics. Lots of protein and veggies. Lots of water (except with meals ). Cutting down the grains and sugar significantly. I am not willing to say I will "never" have a latte or never have some pasta; but I do know that it needs to be occasionaly, not daily.

I hope all of you out there struggling can look at the positives you still have going for you. You have your own journey and you are at this point in your life for a reason. I think the most important part is to stop berating ourselves.

Hugs and blessings,

Shannon :)

Starting Over is never easy.  But, You can do it.   Stay positve.  Enjoy your life.  But,Mostly stay healthy for  your Family.  They need you alive and well.   There is not anything that can tell your that probabily don,t already know.  Except that Grazing is sign of Compulsive over-eating.  Try to seek treatment for your compulsive overeating.  I totally understand how you feel.  I hate having to eat proteins.  I would much rather eat Soups.

I also had VSG. My surgery anniversary is 11/02/11. I have lost a total of 96 lbs., with 35lbs of that being pre-surgery, so I've only lost 61lbs since my surgery 50 weeks ago. I too, feel like I did something wrong. I did start that same grazing you described. I eat every couple of hours. I'm sure that's how I got to my starting point of 393lbs.

I really need to get control of the grazing!! I do find I stay on track better when I record EVERY thing that goes in my mouth, every bite, every drop, even sugar free gum and mints. (Side note: real peppermint sugar free mints seems to keep me from grazing as much at work. I use sugar free peppermint gum elsewhere.)

As of today, I have started back on liquid protein only. no food for 2 weeks to break my grazing habit. I know it is not real hunger, as I no longer feel hunger. The only way I get signals to eat is when I begin to feel weak. This has happened a few times when I am so absorbed in a project that I literally forget to eat. Those times are few and far between, sadly.

I have totally stopped exercising, too. I know the only way to continue "to lose it, is to move it!!" I live in a place where a one mile walk is easily tracked and beautiful at this time of year. I intend to do 1 mile today after work, and add 1/3 mile every day for the next 12 days.

I stopped going to the weight loss surgery support group, and I've missed 2 appts at my nutritionist. I need to get those back on track, and I have my 1 year surgeon appt in 3 weeks. I have to go, even though I feel like a failure at this now.

I considered converting to full gastric bypass, but I know i have a tool I can use to loose the weight, if I just would use it.

SO.....HERE I GO AGAIN!!

I was extremely tired for at least 9 months too. It made it hard to exercise as much as I wanted/needed to. Then after 9 months, my normal energy came back......never got that surge others talk about. Maybe the surge comes from rapid weight loss??? I never got that either.

 

The only thing I got was a big fat bill for 10K and a reduced appetite. I can maintain 225 pounds easily, but lose extremely slowly...even slower than I did pre-surgery.

 

I didn't get what I expected. My surgeon told me the surgery alone would get me down to around 165, then I'd have to work really hard to get lower. I am having to work very hard to break 220...what a joke.

 

To all of you who are struggling. Please, please get you blood work done on a regular basis. I know that you might already be doing this, and if so, wonderful.

Our bodies change so fast while we lose weight. It's important to know what is going on.

Some of us (me) are just slow losers and I have to live with the fact that these last 20 lbs will take me awhile.

But, some of you might be struggling and have something underlying going on.

Good luck to you all. None of us are failures.