Feel like a Failure

I had an RNY in 2007, starting weight 310, got down to 178 at my lowest.  I was in a size 12 and LOVING it. About a year after my RNY, had my gallbladder out.  Another year after that had a horribly painful incisional hernia repair.

I stayed on track with following the "rules" for the first 3 years, but in 2010, the weight started creeping back because I started breaking the rules, one after the other.  I stopped doing shakes.  I started drinking with my meals.  I started drinking carbonated stuff.  But, worst of all, I really started grazing, my old response to stress and anxiety.  I also was taking a prescribed medication that has the side effect of extreme carb cravings and weight gain.

So here I am, 5 years out, and I've regained 90 pounds.  Yes.  90.  I am so ashamed and embarrassed.  I desperately want to get back on track and lose my regained weight.  It seems insurmountable.  I've made a start, though.  

First, I accepted the fact that what's done is done, and only I can do anything about it.  

Next?

1.  No more grazing.  Beginning today, three small meals, two small protein only snacks.
2.  Follow the drinking around meals rules.
3.  I've decreased my medication (with my doctor's help) by 90%, so the carb cravings aren't as bad.
4.  No more carbonated beverages.
5.  Lastly, I working up a food plan based on the one I followed post-op, and will be tracking my food via an android app.
6.  Exercise (I hate that word).  Starting with walking 20 minutes a day.

I know I can do this.  Any support you can give me by posting to this thread would be amazing....I could really use your help!

You can do it!  You did it once you can do it again.  You got a plan!

 Yay!  Thanks for the motivaton!

 You can do it! And even better, you are already equipped with an amazing tool and this community  to help you make it through!

I'm in the same boat. I had my surgery (RNY) in December 2005. At the time, my weight was 329. After surgery, my lowest weight was 215. Right about where my surgeon was aiming for me. But, like you, old habits die hard, and after maintaining for a few years, I started growing lax and letting things slide. I did the same things you did- little exercise, drinking with meals, grazing, etc. It didn't help that I naver had any bad reactions to sugar, so there was little that I couldn't eat :( This summer, reality hit me like a ton of bricks when I ventured onto the scale and saw I was at 290 again. I had gained back 75lbs! Oh no way. That was when I decided that I wasn't going to let all that effort I made in 2005 go to waste. So I decided to get back to basics. Exercise, no drinking with meals, focus on protein, etc.  Fortunately, I never stopped taking my vitamins.

I started realigning myself back to my previous lifestyle (I will not call this a diet) on June 1st this year. The key for me has been to move more. I got myself a fitbit, which is a small exercise tracker that I clip to my waistband or bra. It keeps track of all the steps I take during a day, how many floors I climb, my general activity level, and even my sleep patterns. Supposedly, we all should be taking 10,000 steps a day. Er, my fitbit made me realize just how sluglike and sedentary I am. I was nowhere near 10K.  I really credit my fitbit and the community on the fitbit site in helping to motivate me to move more and improve my stats. I started walking. Just a little at first, and slowly increasing either the distance or my pace in small increments. I had some knee pain and issues with flat feet that were making walking difficult, but a smartfeet orthotic helped with that quite a bit. Anyway, I still don't get 10K every day (and some people on the fitbit site are crazy, and get like 30K in a day, wtf) but I have been steadily getting more active.

After 3 months, I am now down 40 lbs. So, while I am not yet back to where I got to post-op, I am on my way there again, and I am not going to stop there. This time I am determined to break 200. I really credit the tool that my RNY gave me in helping me manage the food part of this effort. I had an awful kind of carb/junkfood withdrawl period that was had to shake, but I made it through, and am back at a point where I get full again reasonably fast. I'm tracking everything I eat in order to keep myself accountable. I personally track all my stuff on the fitbit site, but there are a ton of places and apps now that can help. (myfitnesspal, sparkpeople, loseit, etc) and I think there might be food tracking stuff on this site too? (Not sure, it's been so long since I've been back here). 

I had to seriously commit to this effort. Not half-ass it, wimp out, let myself or others sabotage me with food temptations or discouraging thoughts. For a long time I felt too embarrassed about my regain to even peek at these forums, but now I really want to encourage others and get encouragement in return. If I (queen of the lazy) can make it this far, so can you. From your list of rules, it sounds like you have things well in hand to make great progress! You can do it!

 Wow.  Thank you SO much for your post.  It really motivated me.  I'm going to get myself one of those fitbits!  

One of my issues is that my husband (who is over 300lbs) is the cook in our family.  He equates food with love, and loves cooking wonderful things for me.  It's a double edged sword--I'm going to be working out of town for several months, and only coming home once a month--I'm actually looking FORWARD to not eating his cooking, so I can be more successful.  He was awesome when I was losing after surgery, and really changed his cooking to suit me.  Like you, I don't dump, so I can eat anything.  I just need to get HIM back on track with cooking for me.  No more fried chicken fingers....

Thanks so much for your post. I can't tell you how much it meant to me!

I thank you for your post. It let me know that even if we abuse our tool we still can do it. 40lbs in 3 months is wonderful. Once again I thank you, you have given me hope.

I am saying a prayer for all of you.  You are not a failure.  You a recovering food addict.  Who has relearn the skills you need  to survive.  Everybody life is different.  People have to take responibility for what their  put into their body,s   No matter who cooks the food.  It,s you who  decides to eat it .
   It so easy to be Lazy and Let other make choices for us.  But, That,s a Choice you make.   Choose not to make choice.  That a choice you make.  We are the sum of the Choices. We choose to make. What we eat.  If we choose to exercise or not.  
  Decide what want out of your life.  Find out what your are afraid and Have you chosen to Sabotage your weight lose.  Then live your Life.   Bad Habits can be changed.    Regaining your weight  It is not the end of the World.  Please do not defind  yourself or your entire Life by your weight.  You are so much more.

oh this is so encouraging!
see the mistakes I'm making, drinking soft drinks, drinking with my meals, little to no exercise...stupid, we know we shouldn't and we do.
And yes, old habits die hard....I find myself grazing in front of the tv again. 
Back to basics is the answer...I'm glad I read  your post, you're doing great1  i can do this..sigh...

thanks !

Joanne

I can sooo connect with you from your story.  I too had the full Roux N Y surgery about 6 years ago and went from 310 to 180, down to a size 14 which I haven't been in my entire adult life.  I felt good, looked great, turned heads, and was able to walk and move and sit in airplane seats and movie seats with ease.  Then, my WISH center closed down, they did the surgery, my doctors were gone and my support group was gone and I never had my 1 year check up.  I was lost, mad at their leaving, and felt like I could do it on my own as I had to ... needless to say, my old habits started slowly at first and later completely coming back and I have regained all but 10 pounds. 

I feel like such a loser, I am embarassed by all the efforts my family made with me to lose the weight and stay healthy, and my stomach pouch is stretched some.  I do have minor dumping symptons during excessive sugar or food input but I have learned to live with them so they don't stop me all the time anymore.  I just fall asleep and let the heart palpitations and pain pass while I'm asleep... needless to say I do not exercise anymore.  Recently I have started having significant pain in my knees due to excessive weight on my arthritic knees, which never hurt like this before, so I need to exercise and lose weight again. 

I too feel like it's my fault and am not sure I can do it again.  I know what to do, I need to do it, I want to do it, but can I do it .... that's the question.  Suggestions and understanding, support welcomed!

Karen

 Wow Karen same her omg glad I found this site