Hey look, an Island of Misfit Toys!
Hey. I'm Ashlee. I want you to listen to my life story. If you don't want to, that's fine. I won't be offended.
Perhaps one of the BIGGEST beefs I have the WLS "Community" is the perceived intolerance of anything less than something that could come out of a Gloworm's bum. Seriously. I've gotten full-scale attacked for telling my story before because, hey, it's not a blazing success story. And hey, it might scare the newbs. It might give people the wrong impression about surgery. It's much the same reaction my pastor's-wife mother had when I started rining my eyes with black eyeliner and mascara and wearing spike necklaces when I was thirteen. It might give people the "wrong idea" about our family, make them think we're scary... make them think we're not in control.
Because that's what people want to see, right? They want to see post-ops who've finally figured out how to have it all together. They want to see smiling faces on brochure covers that finally have their **** figured out and pulled together and aren't in immense emotional pain or completely failing at life. They want to see people who are in control. And people who "fail" at WLS... well, they're just wrong. Obviously they did something, somewhere, to deserve this. Obviously, they didn't try hard enough.
Good. GOD. As if we all weren't judged enough. Now, not only does the rest of the world have reason to look at us and presume to know our entire life story, now, we're all starting to look at each other and do the exact. same. thing.
Anyway, I had surgery when I was seventeen. Yep. Seventeen. April 3, 2007. I don't get to talk publicly about my surgeon because there are gray areas of legal issues surrounding the whole matter. Suffice it to say, my surgery got jacked and I have what's called a gastrogastric fistula. Basically, much like a cow, I have more than one stomach. Two, as it were. It's not immediately harmful, but the dramatic rise in acid reflux obviously presents some concerns. And, it's helped lead to some pretty decent regain. (Not to say I haven't helped in that regard. I definitely have. Says the girl with a bag of chewy Sweet Tarts sitting next to her bed).
Obviously, ****'s broken. It'd be nice to have people to talk to who understand. -shrug- I suppose if you put yourself out there, you have a right to be attacked, but it'd be cool to have someone hear my story that I'm not allowed to tell for once. And it'd be nice if someone could offer advice.
Perhaps one of the BIGGEST beefs I have the WLS "Community" is the perceived intolerance of anything less than something that could come out of a Gloworm's bum. Seriously. I've gotten full-scale attacked for telling my story before because, hey, it's not a blazing success story. And hey, it might scare the newbs. It might give people the wrong impression about surgery. It's much the same reaction my pastor's-wife mother had when I started rining my eyes with black eyeliner and mascara and wearing spike necklaces when I was thirteen. It might give people the "wrong idea" about our family, make them think we're scary... make them think we're not in control.
Because that's what people want to see, right? They want to see post-ops who've finally figured out how to have it all together. They want to see smiling faces on brochure covers that finally have their **** figured out and pulled together and aren't in immense emotional pain or completely failing at life. They want to see people who are in control. And people who "fail" at WLS... well, they're just wrong. Obviously they did something, somewhere, to deserve this. Obviously, they didn't try hard enough.
Good. GOD. As if we all weren't judged enough. Now, not only does the rest of the world have reason to look at us and presume to know our entire life story, now, we're all starting to look at each other and do the exact. same. thing.
Anyway, I had surgery when I was seventeen. Yep. Seventeen. April 3, 2007. I don't get to talk publicly about my surgeon because there are gray areas of legal issues surrounding the whole matter. Suffice it to say, my surgery got jacked and I have what's called a gastrogastric fistula. Basically, much like a cow, I have more than one stomach. Two, as it were. It's not immediately harmful, but the dramatic rise in acid reflux obviously presents some concerns. And, it's helped lead to some pretty decent regain. (Not to say I haven't helped in that regard. I definitely have. Says the girl with a bag of chewy Sweet Tarts sitting next to her bed).
Obviously, ****'s broken. It'd be nice to have people to talk to who understand. -shrug- I suppose if you put yourself out there, you have a right to be attacked, but it'd be cool to have someone hear my story that I'm not allowed to tell for once. And it'd be nice if someone could offer advice.
I think it's just fear mainly that causes people who have had WLS or plan to have it judge people who haven't had great success. I know when I came around as a revision I felt I was blamed for my failure. Don't get me wrong, I take personal responsibility for my failure. I know that I did things wrong. But I had to forgive myself. I did the best I could with what I had at the time. I had surgery 10 years ago when there wasn't as much known about how to eat or what supplements to take. I had absolutely no pre op education other then what I read about on my own. And practically no follow up after my surgery. I decided I wanted WLS, got a referral to a surgeon, had an appointment where it was confirmed that my insurance would cover it and then got a surgery date. That was it. No pre op testing other then the normal pre surgery tests. No psych eval or visit, nothing. If I had it probably would have shown that I was no where near ready for such a drastic change. I convinced myself that I could do exactly what I wanted after surgery and I would still lose weight and keep it off. I had no clue about changing my behavior or looking at the dysfunctional way I ate.
It took a big regain and lose of my health before I finally got how serious it was. I did not want a revision. I went back to my surgeon to ask for a reversal. I knew a revision was useless for me, not because the surgery failed but because I was such a hard core food addict that no surgery could help me. I wound up with a revision anyway because I was told it couldn't be reversed and I decided to do things differently this time and use the surgery as a tool to change my behavior instead of expecting the surgery to do everything for me.
I still get upset when I see people struggle with issues after surgery and I see people blame them instead of having compassion. After all, most of us were in the same boat, that is why we turned to such a drastic solution to our problems. But some, when they see others struggle, become so filled with fear that they will fail that they have to blame that person and find reasons to convince themselves that it was that persons own fault and it won't happen to them, too, because they are different.
I don't know your situation or what kind of preparation you had for your surgery or how well you were followed. I do know I have a 17 year old daughter and I would never consider encouraging her to have WLS until she was able to understand the responsibility it causes. To be truthful, I don't think she is ready to handle the responsibility as far as taking care of her health. That isn't a bad thing. I was 44 and I couldn't handle the responsibility. It's not really a matter of age I think. You're not ready until you are ready.
It took a big regain and lose of my health before I finally got how serious it was. I did not want a revision. I went back to my surgeon to ask for a reversal. I knew a revision was useless for me, not because the surgery failed but because I was such a hard core food addict that no surgery could help me. I wound up with a revision anyway because I was told it couldn't be reversed and I decided to do things differently this time and use the surgery as a tool to change my behavior instead of expecting the surgery to do everything for me.
I still get upset when I see people struggle with issues after surgery and I see people blame them instead of having compassion. After all, most of us were in the same boat, that is why we turned to such a drastic solution to our problems. But some, when they see others struggle, become so filled with fear that they will fail that they have to blame that person and find reasons to convince themselves that it was that persons own fault and it won't happen to them, too, because they are different.
I don't know your situation or what kind of preparation you had for your surgery or how well you were followed. I do know I have a 17 year old daughter and I would never consider encouraging her to have WLS until she was able to understand the responsibility it causes. To be truthful, I don't think she is ready to handle the responsibility as far as taking care of her health. That isn't a bad thing. I was 44 and I couldn't handle the responsibility. It's not really a matter of age I think. You're not ready until you are ready.
WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010
High Weight (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.
Its fear. I am preop and I can tell you that failure terrifies me. Its not that I am stupid enough not to know or to turn a blind eye to the fact that **** happens and that regain happens, but its human nature to want to see EVERYONE succeed! I HATE that this didn't work well for you.... 
It would be fantastic if there was some surgery that is 100% successful for everyone.
It would be fantastic if there was some surgery that is 100% successful for everyone. Thanks for the insights, ladies. And I agree with you.
First of all, let me apologize. I re-read the original post, and was like, "Um, wow. Be a b**ch much?"
I don't mean to be negative. I mean, if we're all being real here, we're ALL negative. No one is Positive Polly 100% of the time. (If you are, stay far away. I corrupt well). ;) At the same time, I don't want to come across as a totally cynical, negative, bitter b**ch, because even though I CAN be, that's not all I am.
I think the main reasons my parents went for the surgery, even with my being seventeen at the time, also rested on fear. They were terrified that I was going to die and my dad had undergone RNY in 2003 and maintains a 150 pound loss, so they didn't do research or ask for second opinions, they just saw an "out" and went for it. Problem is, they weren't willing to spring for post-op care like protein and vitamins and such, so I really got none and that's when the **** storm hit.
In any case, I'm on the road, (hopefully), to a revision to get rid of this god-awful acid reflux and whatnot. First, it's about insurance. Then, it's about setting up a consultation. Just one step of many before I get to have another surgery.
First of all, let me apologize. I re-read the original post, and was like, "Um, wow. Be a b**ch much?"
I don't mean to be negative. I mean, if we're all being real here, we're ALL negative. No one is Positive Polly 100% of the time. (If you are, stay far away. I corrupt well). ;) At the same time, I don't want to come across as a totally cynical, negative, bitter b**ch, because even though I CAN be, that's not all I am.
I think the main reasons my parents went for the surgery, even with my being seventeen at the time, also rested on fear. They were terrified that I was going to die and my dad had undergone RNY in 2003 and maintains a 150 pound loss, so they didn't do research or ask for second opinions, they just saw an "out" and went for it. Problem is, they weren't willing to spring for post-op care like protein and vitamins and such, so I really got none and that's when the **** storm hit.
In any case, I'm on the road, (hopefully), to a revision to get rid of this god-awful acid reflux and whatnot. First, it's about insurance. Then, it's about setting up a consultation. Just one step of many before I get to have another surgery.
I honestly wish you good luck.
There was a young 15 year old on the forums last week who was saying she wants surgery.... and i totally get it. But this is kind of the reason surgeons don't generally do WLS under 18.... you have to rely on others to do things for you still like buy the food, and vits etc. Some parents would be good to make the right choices for their child while others are not.... and a lot of times the kid isn't mature enough to understand the life long commitment.
I sure hope you get to have your revision and it works out to be the best decision yet. :)
There was a young 15 year old on the forums last week who was saying she wants surgery.... and i totally get it. But this is kind of the reason surgeons don't generally do WLS under 18.... you have to rely on others to do things for you still like buy the food, and vits etc. Some parents would be good to make the right choices for their child while others are not.... and a lot of times the kid isn't mature enough to understand the life long commitment.
I sure hope you get to have your revision and it works out to be the best decision yet. :)
Family Dr. 06/05/2012 Referral Received 06/28/2012 Orientation 08/01/2012 NP 08/27/2012
SW 08/28/2012 Nut Class 08/27/2012
NUT 10/01/2012 PS 10/01/2012
Surgeon Dr. Cyriac 12/07/2012 **SURGERY JAN 30, 2013**
Hey girl,
No judging here as I am in the same boat. I turned 18 on June 2nd, 2000 and was in for an open RNY on 6/22/2000. My surgeon was "conservative" in sizing my pouch and needless to say, the surgery failed...and so did I. I had a revision with a band placed over the gastric pouch in 2010 and that has worked wonders. I've been successful with it and thankful for it. However, i wouldn't have been 10 years ago.
What happened to you is horrible and I hope the proper steps are being taken to make people aware of your surgeon's lack of ability but more importantly, steps toward you being as healthy as possible.
I'm here if you need to vent.
~Kel
No judging here as I am in the same boat. I turned 18 on June 2nd, 2000 and was in for an open RNY on 6/22/2000. My surgeon was "conservative" in sizing my pouch and needless to say, the surgery failed...and so did I. I had a revision with a band placed over the gastric pouch in 2010 and that has worked wonders. I've been successful with it and thankful for it. However, i wouldn't have been 10 years ago.
What happened to you is horrible and I hope the proper steps are being taken to make people aware of your surgeon's lack of ability but more importantly, steps toward you being as healthy as possible.
I'm here if you need to vent.
~Kel
Jewel, that's pretty much exactly it. I had just turned seventeen. People perceived me to be very mature for my age, which I would somewhat agree with. However, any amount of maturity in the teen years is superceded by irrational need for acceptance and approval that often transcends itself into adulthood. At that age, I had no idea of any "commitment" involved. What I knew was that I wanted to be thin, I wanted to wear cute/designer clothes, and I wanted a boyfriend. I think in my teen years I wanted so desperately to be one of those girls who so effortlessly seems to "get it". (Not saying it was effortless at all, though. I actually spoke with some of those girls who I wanted so badly to be and realized how much effort high school took for them). I think I got so frustrated when I couldn't seem to achieve that ideal, and that's what lead to the angst and depression and cyclical eating disorder. By the time my eating disorder was full-blown, (binging, purging, restricting), I was post-op, and that had a dramatic effect on everything, although I've been assured it is NOT what lead to this complication.
Kel, I've been told by a few different people that it might be a good idea to pursue a suit against my former surgeon. I don't claim this person as "my surgeon" anymore because of how they chose to respond to what happened following my surgery. I've been told by an attorney that I have grounds for a claim on the basis of emotional damages and possibly even a malpractice suit, but I'm hesitant to get involved in anything of that sort. Firstly, I don't have money for a lawyer, and secondly, this person is nationally recognized and renowned, so I know they'd have some damn good lawyers on their side, and I'm not sure I want to put myself through the stress of a lawsuit when I don't know what the outcome will be or how it could harm my reputation, if I'm being quite honest. Anyway, it's a big emotional scar to work through, and that's not even delving into what the physical damages have been, although those are more obvious on a daily basis. In any case, it's lead to a deep mistrust of medical professionals, which I find regrettable since I KNOW there are wonderful, brilliant, caring surgeons in this world. I just need to find one this go-round.
Y'all have been like therapy for me. Thanks so much! PS. I see this is a hot topic. That made me giggle. Maybe I'll take up saying, "that's hot" a la Paris Hilton? Yeah?
Okay. I won't.
Kel, I've been told by a few different people that it might be a good idea to pursue a suit against my former surgeon. I don't claim this person as "my surgeon" anymore because of how they chose to respond to what happened following my surgery. I've been told by an attorney that I have grounds for a claim on the basis of emotional damages and possibly even a malpractice suit, but I'm hesitant to get involved in anything of that sort. Firstly, I don't have money for a lawyer, and secondly, this person is nationally recognized and renowned, so I know they'd have some damn good lawyers on their side, and I'm not sure I want to put myself through the stress of a lawsuit when I don't know what the outcome will be or how it could harm my reputation, if I'm being quite honest. Anyway, it's a big emotional scar to work through, and that's not even delving into what the physical damages have been, although those are more obvious on a daily basis. In any case, it's lead to a deep mistrust of medical professionals, which I find regrettable since I KNOW there are wonderful, brilliant, caring surgeons in this world. I just need to find one this go-round.
Y'all have been like therapy for me. Thanks so much! PS. I see this is a hot topic. That made me giggle. Maybe I'll take up saying, "that's hot" a la Paris Hilton? Yeah?
Okay. I won't.
Wow, that's messed up Ashlee. That's certainly a mechanical failure I've never heard before -- and I hope I never hear of it again! I'd be so mad!
I'm sorry your journey has been so difficult and you've struggled so much. You're a pretty unique case and so I don't have alot of advice for you except to consider counseling and/or group support for your eating issues. If I had the insurance for it, I'd be in a therapist's office right now! On the technical side, if I were you, I'd be looking into a revision surgery to fix the fistula that has created two stomachs for you. It may not be a problem in the immediate term, and your age probably has alot to do with that. As you get older, things are not going to be so forgiving anymore. Don't underestimate the power of youth! I'm almost 31 and my body won't take the crap it used to.
I'm 5 years out and a success story I guess (having lost 88% of my excess weight and kept it off when surgeons only expect 75% loss) but I STILL struggle with food addiction, overeating, emotional eating, etc. That's why I didn't get to goal and lose 100% of the excess weight. I was so scared I'd actually succeed and then fail. I can handle not getting to goal, I can't handle failing after succeeding so well. Anyway, you can technically be a success and still be screwing up... you can just hide it better! I'm serious. I bet most of the people that don't want to hear your story don't want to hear it because it hits too close to home. Your story could so easily be them.
I'm sorry your journey has been so difficult and you've struggled so much. You're a pretty unique case and so I don't have alot of advice for you except to consider counseling and/or group support for your eating issues. If I had the insurance for it, I'd be in a therapist's office right now! On the technical side, if I were you, I'd be looking into a revision surgery to fix the fistula that has created two stomachs for you. It may not be a problem in the immediate term, and your age probably has alot to do with that. As you get older, things are not going to be so forgiving anymore. Don't underestimate the power of youth! I'm almost 31 and my body won't take the crap it used to.
I'm 5 years out and a success story I guess (having lost 88% of my excess weight and kept it off when surgeons only expect 75% loss) but I STILL struggle with food addiction, overeating, emotional eating, etc. That's why I didn't get to goal and lose 100% of the excess weight. I was so scared I'd actually succeed and then fail. I can handle not getting to goal, I can't handle failing after succeeding so well. Anyway, you can technically be a success and still be screwing up... you can just hide it better! I'm serious. I bet most of the people that don't want to hear your story don't want to hear it because it hits too close to home. Your story could so easily be them.
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