After 2 1/2 years post op, ashamed.

Hello, my name is Kristen. I have posted and have been a member of this stie for years, but this is the first time I posted on this forum. I was so happy to find it !

I had Gastric Bypass laproscopic syrgery July of 2009. I had a great surgeon and had no complications after surgery. I initially lost 65 lbs in the first 2 mos. Then as I started adding regular foods in to my diet, I started to experiment more and more until I was eating like I had pre op. BAD IDEA!  I now eat like I used to, the amount, the types of food and do not get enough exercies. I gained back 50 of the 65 lbs and feel so ashamed.

There is no one to blame but myself. The surgeon did a great job as fr as the procedure. I just chose not to follow the path I was supposed to follow. Granted the practice I went to has a support group that metts once amonth, it is geared toward pre op patients, not post op. i didn't find this helpful. I have posted many times on here, and people have been very helpful at OH. BUT..it's just me, my brain, my habits.

Now I am moving, a huge life change..I am a single mom and live with my son and mother. My son and I are moving to the next state over, about 2 hrs away. It's a huge move and extra stress. My concern is how to I secure a surgeon or nutritionist there that will take me on even though I didn't have surgery there?

I guess I just need some help, support, someone to listen. I feel like such a failure and it's all my fault. What do I do?

When you fall down, you get back up - I'm sure that is what you teach your son.  You are not alone - I have a failed lap band, lost 80 pounds have have gained back about 45 of it.  I know your shame, especially when you see friends and family and you know they are thinking "I knew it wouldn't work".  All you can do now is decide to kick it in the rear and figure it out.  I had to switch surgeons because the one I had was fabulous but his office staff was not.  When my band began to fail, I was not able to eat or drink (even water) for nearly a week (surgeons and surgical team were out of town at a symposium) I called every day and never did the staff help me figure out who to turn to - they just kept giving me the numbers of the back-up doctors who told me "we don't do lap-band".  I was very sick and the band has not worked since then.  Anyway, the point here is that you can switch surgeons like I did (and others have too) and they can take over and help you along.  Put it out on this forum or the main forum where you are moving to and I bet you will get a ton of recommendations for great surgeons in the new area - that is how I found my new surgeon, recommendations from people on the main forum.  Good luck and remember you are totally worth it so do not let anyone not help you or make you feel unworthy of help.  Be tough and be strong.

Hi Kristen,

Yes, you are right to acknowledging your need for support.  I wish weight loss surgery cured the brain as well.  This is where the battles are.  Get into a good support group.  Get to know a nutritionist and a counselor who specialize in bariatrics or food disorders.  You need a life style change as with all weight loss surgery patients.  There is still hope. Huuugzzz

Kristen,
I feel for you.I am in the same boat as you. I had RNY 9 years ago and went from 189 lbs to 165lbs. I am now back up to 240 lbs because I ate all the wrong things. Rather than heeding the instructions of what I shouldn't eat, I saw it as a success that I could eat what they said I shouldn't. I So when they said "you can't eat blah, blah, blah..." I thought that meant it would be physically impossible to eat those items. So when I could, I saw myself as the anomoly and thought "ha, boy they were wrong, I can eat this!"
So here I am, really wishing I could go back in time and do it all over again. But, I can't. I acknowledge that it is my own fault.
I think that it is good that you recognize that it is you and not blame others or the procedure.  I stand behind you and encourage you. Failing at something is only failure if you let it beat you.  
Hopefully, some of what I have said will be of some help.

 Kristen,

Well done for reaching out for support.  In addition to finding a new doctor in your area once you move I'd like to offer another source of support with a different bent. 

I've often joked that to fix my problem with food I'd need a lobotomy and not a GB surgery.  I realized quite a while ago that my food problem was MENTAL.  And that I needed the support of like minded people to help me address the underlying MENTAL and EMOTIONAL reason I keep reaching for food. 

Something you may want to consider is Overeaters Anonymous in addition to reaching out for more medical help.  OA is just like Alcoholics ANonymous accept they deal with Compulsive OVereating.  They have a website www.oa.org that even has links to meetings that are held over the telephone or online incase you're in a location that doesn't have in person meetings.  There will also be questions/answer areas to help you decide if you're a Compulsive OVereater or not.  ONLY YOU can decide.  

There is hope and realizing that you can do it by yourself like you have, is the best thing to get you started towards that positive journey. 
I wish you hope on your path. 

First off...dont beat yourself up.  We are human and if we really had control we would not have had the surgery.  Yes, you did not use your tool well.  My suggestion is to search the internet for the area you are moving to and find a surgeon that does the same surgeries.  He will take you in, trust me.  Tell him everything that happened.  My guess is that you may need more counseling for food addiction (not a stigma we all have some of it) and how to deal with it.  You also need to have your pouch and stuff looked at by EGD or other test to make sure it is not stretched. 

I hate to say this but you are going to, at some point, have to help yourself some.  We all have to continue to "diet" in some way even after the surgeries.  I have been having my own battles with the band.  I know the RNY seems like a miracle but it is only a  temporary one and if you have not learned how to take care of yourself by the time your body figures it all out it too will not work.
This is why I think you need to see a counselor and nurtitionist.  I know this is extra on top of all we have already pain (money and pain) but something like weigh****chers meetings along with your tool may actually help you learn to deal with your problems.  The meetings do help you pinpoint problems you may be having and it is a form of group support. (just my humble opinion)