A (not-so-anymore) failed DS

EDIT:  In the past 2.5 weeks, I took the advice of wise people here and went back to the DS Board, found old friends, got the help I needed, and started losing again.  My DS does work after all, I just wasn't using it properly.  Since you can't delete topics themselves, I guess I'll just leave it as an illustration of what it felt like to be in that place, even though what I said at the time about lack of support was completely wrong. I had walled myself off, and convinced myself that it was the others who were walling me off.  If there are any other DSers out there *****ach this place, come to the DS board, no matter how scared you are.  There's help there.  Sorry if this caused misinformation in any way; that was not my intent.




Original post: 
Backstory: I'm a little over 3 years post op from a BPD/DS.  First, I never reached goal.  Second, I'm back over 200.  I gain about 30 lbs in the winter, and lose about 20 in the summer.  I still take my supplements religiously, and I try to eat right (protein, veggies, no refined carbs or sugar, etc.)  but the weight cycle continues.  I will admit that I overeat.

What bothers me most is that it feels like there is NO PLACE to go for support if you haven't had success with the DS.  Other DS'ers put you down for "discouraging newbies" and say things like "The DS works; you must be doing it wrong."  Even if it does have a 90% success rate, that still means that statistically 1 in 10 patients will not be successful!  Numerically, that's a lot of failed DSes!

Anyway, hoping to find some support here, and to put it out there that while the DS is a fabulous surgery for many, there are still people like me lurking in the shadows who are unhappy. 

I'm not sure what diet plan to try next; I tried with Atkins but gained it all back and more.  I'm leaning toward modified weigh****chers, but high protein, no refined carb, and non-dairy because of the severity of my lactose intolerance. (I take plenty of calcium as part of my supplement regimen.) 

Has anybody found an eating plan that works "the old fashioned way" after WLS doesn't work?  Atkins and calorie counting have left me in the dust, and I find I can't stick to anything too restrictive for more than a couple of weeks.

Hi Erynn,

First of all, I am sorry that you'r having troubles, and hope you can find some good answers here.  I am also sorry that you've not gotten support from other DSers.  I know that there are several who have not reached goal and/or have complications.  The DS, while a fabulous surgery, is not perfect, that is for sure.  

Do you mind me asking how much weight you did lose?  Do you still have restriction, or has that gone away.  I know that I can eat more than I could say 3 months ago.  It's something I really worry about, though I can eat no where near what I could before surgery, I feel I can eat so much more than earlier out.

I guess one suggestion I would have is to make sure you surround yourself with DS friendly foods, nuts and meats and cheeses for easy go-to snacks, and the like.  

Wishing you well.

Hi Maria,

My official pre-surgery weight was 277, and I got down to 184 with the DS.  (I lost for about six months.)   To make it into a "normal" BMI range, I would have needed to be under 164.  Last August, I did get down to 176.5 with extreme calorie counting for my wedding/honeymoon.  Right now I'm back around 210, though.  I gained 30 lbs in about 4 months, and that happened last winter, too.

I still can't eat as much as I used to in one sitting, so I do have some restriction, but I can eat a normal-sized meal when I'm hungry.  The main difference now is that I eat more often than I used to.  I can't do 3 meals a day anymore without feeling like I'm starving most of the time.  (and not just "oh, I'm hungry," but dizzyness, lethargy, etc.)

I try to keep plenty of DS friendly foods in the house, but I admit that when I'm sad and discouraged, I do seek comfort in junk foods sometimes.  And there are secret "junk" foods now.  Whole grains like oats, wild/brown rice, and quinoa still cause weight gain for me, even though they're touted as superfoods.  Potatoes, bananas, beans, corn? All "junk".  It can be very frustrating, especially when trying to explain to someone why a nutrient-packed food is bad for me.

The "omg I can eat so much, what if I stop losing weight" fear SUCKS, and I totally feel for you.  I sure hope you don't have to travel the path that I did!  Luckily, the odds are on your side that you won't; but if you do, you're definitely not alone.

Erynn, I hope you don't feel like you can't vent on the ds board. I would love to hear more about your story and wish I could offer support and good vibes!! Emily

 I just got back from my monthly WLS support group at the hospital where I had surgery.  The room was packed with pre-ops, bandsters, & RNY.  Every person has a different story.  Some lost weight fast, some slow.  Some can't tolerate meat, others can.  Some are off of all meds, inc. insulin and others are still on theirs.  The DS post from yesterday sounded like everyone is stupid who doesn't have DS, some sneer at the band, others are afraid of the invasiveness of bypass.  There is no ONE right way that works for EVERYBODY.  But, we are all still on the same journey through this process of losing, maintaining, fear of gaining and thinking we're failures because we can't get it right - again.  My hospital offers 6-week classes on Body Image and the WHYs of our hunger.  That has been invaluable.  Like they say, we had weight loss surgery - not brain surgery.  They banded my stomach but not my mouth or brain.  It starts and ends with our mind.  Let's all support each other through this - no matter which path we've chosen. 

Amen to that Obx. Good post.
jc

Erynn you are so right.  I failed after DS and now I'm am treated like a loser among the thin AND the fat.  I truly thought that the surgery would make me much less hungry.  I also thought that the surgery would make me throw up or feel sick about eating carbs.  I never really had a problem with eating fat.  I don't really like fat.   

I just started using this forum and haven't figured out how to find my previous posts. LOL.  I wanted to edit my post because I said I eat sweets (true) but I'm not a big candy eater.  My real problem is carbs in general.  Actually I probably have a bigger problem with bread than sweets.  I eat very healthy (water/flavored water,salads, lean chicken, very little fat).  My problem is overeating carbs.   

My doctor said I should only eat 1000 calories a day.  If I could do that I would not have needed the surgery, right?  All the advice is "don't eat carbs, don't eat sweets, don't eat".  I guess either my stomach was not made small enough, and/or I truly believe that there is some other problem that plagues some of us, like the Leptin issue or something in our bodies that says that we are lacking something and therefore we get the serious, unbelievable urge to eat carbs, fat, or whatever it is that your body thinks it needs to survive.  

My doctor does agree that it is easier to eat nothing than to eat 1000 calories a day.   After all, does anyone think an alcoholic could limit himself to 3 ounces a day? 

Good luck Erynn.  It's not you.  It's a disease.  Don't stop trying.  -April Dancer

Thanks so much April Dancer!  I'm so glad there's another person here who knows.

1000 calories is RIDICULOUS!  That's basically what I did to get down to my wedding weight of 176, and sure enough,  the pounds packed right back on as soon as I let myself be human again.  You are right that if we could do that, we totally would not have needed surgery.

I also agree with your assessment that there's probably some other reason for not being as successful as the others, though we try just as hard.  It's frustrating to browse the DS board and see, "Oh gee, for dinner I ate a 6-oz steak slathered in butter and blue cheese, and a glass of full-fat milk, and a half pound of salad with ranch dressing, and now I'm 120 lbs!" When I look at my own plate, it's something like 2 steamed tilapia filets, 1/2 cup of broccoli, and 1/2 cup of black beans (there I go with the carb-laden junk food again, I guess!)  Or maybe something like a salmon-salad sandwich on Ezekiel sprouted  low-sodium bread with light mayo and horseradish... How awful. :-)

 Aprildancer,
What do you consider to be a failure?  Just curious.  What was your starting weight, and how low did you get?  What are you now?  

Does your surgeon have any other failed patients?  I'm curious, because my surgeon learned from yours...

 Failure is not reaching a healthy weight.  I was 302 surgery day 2006.  Today I am 242.  
I am 5'71/2" and would like to be 133 but would be fairly happy with 145.  I still have co-morbidities and joint pain and now because of the surgery my guts just hang out of the huge hernia that they say they can't repair until I lose weight.  

I lost no additional weight after the 2nd open surgery and now I'm pretty sure there's nothing left to be done.  

How do you find out if a doctor has had other failures?  I feel the failure lies with (besides me) Dr Ikrum because he did the first surgery.  The "revision" wasn't really a revision in my opinion because the stomach was not made smaller and that is what I really needed because of my hard-to-control urges to over-eat.