My glass is half full again
Post Date: 2/20/10 9:02 am
I was on the phone with my Mom and discussing how disappointed I was that I had only lost a pound this week after trying so hard. That makes three for the last two weeks. She reminded me that this was what you are supposed to be losing when losing on a normal weight loss plan. She asked me to go back and reread my own journals. I was more than a little shocked. When I weighed 50 pounds more than I do now, I bought what I considered to be the first sexy dress of my life. When I weighed 20 pounds more than I do now, I went to my brother-in-laws wedding and danced my heart out. I remember thinking that I was the sexiest thing on the planet. Funny thing is, I thought that I was at goal when that happened. I wasn't. I have been texting here on the failed surgery site and trying to get back on track. I had to go to see my GI doc for an appt. I was complaining about my "failed surgery", when he looked puzzled and asked me what I meant by that. My surgery is considered a roaring success. The goal by medical standards is to have lost 40% of excess weight and to maintain 50% of that loss at 5 years out. My weight doc had never given me those numbers, so I looked them up. The facts were right! I lost over 100% of the weight I was supposed to lose and have only gained back 16% of what I lost. I am NOT a failure. That being said, i will keep on with my new "eat right and feel better" kick. I need to lose more to help my hip. But I feel better about me. Everyone tells me I look fantastic and I have just been blowing them off, as I felt I had let myself and eveyone who supported, me down badly. I honestly thought they were just saying these things to make me feel better, but they were right. I was so proud of myself when I had lost down to this size. How do we lose sight of these things? What clicks in our heads that makes us go back to beating ourselves up again. How could I not realize that I am still 250 pounds smaller than I was? NO MORE, my glass is half full again. I will lose what I need to, but with a smile on my face and a renewed feeling of accomplishment. Anyone reading this that feels they have let themselves down, take a step back and reevaluate your situation. I'll bet you are a lot better off than you think. Love you all, Crissie
I was on the phone with my Mom and discussing how disappointed I was that I had only lost a pound this week after trying so hard. That makes three for the last two weeks. She reminded me that this was what you are supposed to be losing when losing on a normal weight loss plan. She asked me to go back and reread my own journals. I was more than a little shocked. When I weighed 50 pounds more than I do now, I bought what I considered to be the first sexy dress of my life. When I weighed 20 pounds more than I do now, I went to my brother-in-laws wedding and danced my heart out. I remember thinking that I was the sexiest thing on the planet. Funny thing is, I thought that I was at goal when that happened. I wasn't. I have been texting here on the failed surgery site and trying to get back on track. I had to go to see my GI doc for an appt. I was complaining about my "failed surgery", when he looked puzzled and asked me what I meant by that. My surgery is considered a roaring success. The goal by medical standards is to have lost 40% of excess weight and to maintain 50% of that loss at 5 years out. My weight doc had never given me those numbers, so I looked them up. The facts were right! I lost over 100% of the weight I was supposed to lose and have only gained back 16% of what I lost. I am NOT a failure. That being said, i will keep on with my new "eat right and feel better" kick. I need to lose more to help my hip. But I feel better about me. Everyone tells me I look fantastic and I have just been blowing them off, as I felt I had let myself and eveyone who supported, me down badly. I honestly thought they were just saying these things to make me feel better, but they were right. I was so proud of myself when I had lost down to this size. How do we lose sight of these things? What clicks in our heads that makes us go back to beating ourselves up again. How could I not realize that I am still 250 pounds smaller than I was? NO MORE, my glass is half full again. I will lose what I need to, but with a smile on my face and a renewed feeling of accomplishment. Anyone reading this that feels they have let themselves down, take a step back and reevaluate your situation. I'll bet you are a lot better off than you think. Love you all, Crissie
Thank you for this, I have cross posted it to the Ontario OH Forum...I had my surgery late in life at age 62, and agonized at the slow weight loss ( think age has something to do with it) but eventually lost 65 of my 100 lbs I wanted to lose, then after 10 months, I stalled for the first time, and just stayed there..Mmy body had had enough and my honeymoon period was over....I even regained about 10 lbs, and for the last year sort of just go up/down about 5 lbs..
I know that feeling you describe, when heavier than I am now, i thought I was skinny and looked just gorgeous, now I look at myself critically in the mirror and in photos ( haven't any of me when I was at my heaviest as I wouldn't let anyone take pictures, or I destroyed them, in denial of how big I was), and I think I am ginourmous and fat...I would love to lose 45 lbs and I would be at goal....
But in the meantime, I blend into the crowd as I don't stick out as the Fat Lady,I fit into pretty much all armchairs and restaurant booths, and seats in planes may be snug but the belt closes with a couple or three inches to spare, my diabetes is NORMAL and I am not on meds for it or high blood pressure anymore....For the first time I have lost 65lbs then bounced back to a net 55 lbs lost with the regain, and kept it off...guess what, I have stayed at this weight....and yes, I'd love to lose another 45 lbs, maybe with reduced carbs and fats I could makeit by losing another 20 lbs if I really went back to basics, but I eat "normally"now ( which means smaller portions than I used to before WLS) and and watch what I eat... and yes I do feel a whole lot better physically, can do so much more as more fit, and I am so thankful for my glass being half full as you put it.
I am not the failure I thought I was. I have achieved a lot thanks to WLS
I know that feeling you describe, when heavier than I am now, i thought I was skinny and looked just gorgeous, now I look at myself critically in the mirror and in photos ( haven't any of me when I was at my heaviest as I wouldn't let anyone take pictures, or I destroyed them, in denial of how big I was), and I think I am ginourmous and fat...I would love to lose 45 lbs and I would be at goal....
But in the meantime, I blend into the crowd as I don't stick out as the Fat Lady,I fit into pretty much all armchairs and restaurant booths, and seats in planes may be snug but the belt closes with a couple or three inches to spare, my diabetes is NORMAL and I am not on meds for it or high blood pressure anymore....For the first time I have lost 65lbs then bounced back to a net 55 lbs lost with the regain, and kept it off...guess what, I have stayed at this weight....and yes, I'd love to lose another 45 lbs, maybe with reduced carbs and fats I could makeit by losing another 20 lbs if I really went back to basics, but I eat "normally"now ( which means smaller portions than I used to before WLS) and and watch what I eat... and yes I do feel a whole lot better physically, can do so much more as more fit, and I am so thankful for my glass being half full as you put it.
I am not the failure I thought I was. I have achieved a lot thanks to WLS
wow. thanks for that.. you know. i do feel like a failure.. like i am just doing it all wrong.. i know i eat the wrong foods at times.. but not enuff to totally go off track.. i am 5 years out and i lost about 100 pounds.. i never reached goal.. i was so close..then. i started to gain.. now. i am up about 20 pounds.. i am trying again. eating better choices.. trying to drink the water instead of a snack.. i amd going to start a new exercise program next week and thanks to you.. i realize. .i am not a failure .. i am just at a standstill.. but yeah.. i remember buying the pants i am wearing today and thinking.. wow.. i am not in the plus dept.. why have i forgotten how hard i worked to get here and why am i allowing my self to slide back into old habits.. today. is my day.. i am making a choice.and my choice is fit.. fit.. fit.. and life.. ,,now.. i just have to convince my mind and body to think alike..
thanks and good luck to you.
thanks and good luck to you.
Hang in there guys, and by seeing how many people have read this post, regardless of how many people have responded, you have obviously hit a nerve...I just returned to OH after several years because like everyone else, back to basics....and OH is a basic for me...I knew I had gained weight, and spent several months with out getting on the scale...uniforms don't fit well, and my fav jeans don't even come close to fitting. Found this forum, even though I think the subjects are great and real, I was not crazy about the title of failure...but such as it is...I lost down to my all time low of 143 while I was having a real hard time at work, sick all the time, couldn't eat, on anxiety pills etc..., got laid off and have got a new job I like that doesn't make me look anerexic...so 10 lbs was not a big deal, but 20...makes me feel like I have elephant legs...that's where I gain it..., and I had plastics 2 years ago, Thats 45K worth of surgrties I need not to blow...My sister and brother have has the sleeve, and are at the stage where they don't really want to eat , there fore not much help to me even though they would if they could, just not at my stage...The progress has been easy up to this point, it took care of itself, now looks like I have to watch everything that goes in, weigh regularly, monitor, blog, measure, dr. follow ups, blood work, etc....What I had to do to get to goal....I thought weight had quit running my life...
I needed a new rx for low iron , and low vit d...., but dr. said I had to go in for a followup, which made me step up to the plate...back to protein shakes and 1 meal a day...lost 4 pounds in 2 days....I go back to the dr...which I elected to talk with my pyhsicians assistant woman who had had WLS before instead of my surgeon who has no sence of humor and is thin....Didn't think I would get any sympathy even though he is a exccellent surgeon . She only works on the days I work, but I opted to take a 1/2 day off just to keep from admitting defeat to the surgeon...Just too much... Prot shake twice a day make me a little grouchy...and my stomach actually growls...IMAGINE...LLC
MY apt is in 2 weeks, will post after the apt...Can't imagine they will tell me any different , but will give me te rx's i need for iron...
I needed a new rx for low iron , and low vit d...., but dr. said I had to go in for a followup, which made me step up to the plate...back to protein shakes and 1 meal a day...lost 4 pounds in 2 days....I go back to the dr...which I elected to talk with my pyhsicians assistant woman who had had WLS before instead of my surgeon who has no sence of humor and is thin....Didn't think I would get any sympathy even though he is a exccellent surgeon . She only works on the days I work, but I opted to take a 1/2 day off just to keep from admitting defeat to the surgeon...Just too much... Prot shake twice a day make me a little grouchy...and my stomach actually growls...IMAGINE...LLC
MY apt is in 2 weeks, will post after the apt...Can't imagine they will tell me any different , but will give me te rx's i need for iron...
LL C
Lap RNY 6-1-04
at goal (-115 lbs)
[email protected]
I had to respond to you. It made me laugh to know that I am not the only one who's stomach (if you can call it that) growls! I've been felling really lost lately because I am 18 months post-op as of 03/30/10 and the weight is not dropping off anymore and my brain wants control of my eating habits again. I want to thank everyone who leaves info on these boards because it's tough and not at all as I imagined. No geni in a bottle and the brain is such a powerful thing.
Ok guys, went to the Dr. Monday to get a new rx.for iron defeciency....She ate my butt OUT....
My brother and sister had the sleeve with me so they could update thier weight and keep the office in the excellence catagory they try to stay in...therefore they were in the room with me...the nurse practioner didn't even shut the door before she asked if she could be frank?....I said sure....we are all family...and we have done this weight thing together....This time last year my blood work was bad with low iron and vit D...she prescribed a rx I couldn't take, therefore, I didn't redo my blood work...She was not a happy woman...there were no pat on the backs for coming in, no good weight, no nothing....she even said a cuss word...She was serious....It was so bad, My brother and sister paid $250 each to get their blood work done....
She explained that it was critically low and we were inches away from infusions, and I asked what we were talking if the rx's or infusions or what ever didn't work...she said renal failure and dialysis....That got my attention, and I have starte taking Beriatric adv. iron which I can tolertate...AND I DID NOT LEAVE THE HOSPITAL WITH OUT GOING TO THE LAB AND DOING THE TEST...don't now the results...I'm all for the infusions if the don't make me sickk, and can get my iron up...
She could have cared less about my weight I think....even though I had gained 10 lbs wich puts me 100 under my highet pre op wt...not bad, but I'm not happy about the ten lbs....
She gave me a new "bilble" of what to eat/program etc...they have completely changed the program and I"m not crazy about some of them...
I did the same thing right after my sx....I obscesssed about my numbrs prot, cals, fats, etc...had to carry around calculator/books etc...not really that bad, but close, , or I don't do anything and gain weight...no in between...I'm back to the calculator, adding , prot counting, label reading, etc to get the weight off, and the scale is not moving..! I"m wigging out...although I do feel better about my choices of food, but the obscessing...Is this what it comes down to? Obscessing or ignoring?....Ignoring is what why I had to have sx in the first place.....Thanks for letting me bend and ear....
My brother and sister had the sleeve with me so they could update thier weight and keep the office in the excellence catagory they try to stay in...therefore they were in the room with me...the nurse practioner didn't even shut the door before she asked if she could be frank?....I said sure....we are all family...and we have done this weight thing together....This time last year my blood work was bad with low iron and vit D...she prescribed a rx I couldn't take, therefore, I didn't redo my blood work...She was not a happy woman...there were no pat on the backs for coming in, no good weight, no nothing....she even said a cuss word...She was serious....It was so bad, My brother and sister paid $250 each to get their blood work done....
She explained that it was critically low and we were inches away from infusions, and I asked what we were talking if the rx's or infusions or what ever didn't work...she said renal failure and dialysis....That got my attention, and I have starte taking Beriatric adv. iron which I can tolertate...AND I DID NOT LEAVE THE HOSPITAL WITH OUT GOING TO THE LAB AND DOING THE TEST...don't now the results...I'm all for the infusions if the don't make me sickk, and can get my iron up...
She could have cared less about my weight I think....even though I had gained 10 lbs wich puts me 100 under my highet pre op wt...not bad, but I'm not happy about the ten lbs....
She gave me a new "bilble" of what to eat/program etc...they have completely changed the program and I"m not crazy about some of them...
I did the same thing right after my sx....I obscesssed about my numbrs prot, cals, fats, etc...had to carry around calculator/books etc...not really that bad, but close, , or I don't do anything and gain weight...no in between...I'm back to the calculator, adding , prot counting, label reading, etc to get the weight off, and the scale is not moving..! I"m wigging out...although I do feel better about my choices of food, but the obscessing...Is this what it comes down to? Obscessing or ignoring?....Ignoring is what why I had to have sx in the first place.....Thanks for letting me bend and ear....
LL C
Lap RNY 6-1-04
at goal (-115 lbs)
[email protected]
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