Recently a Failure

Well... I'm back.  It's been a long time since I've been on obesity help.  I maintained my weight for a year, but never reached my goal.  Now I've gained... and I gain fast.  I am at about 185 now... I never in a million years thought I would be able to gain this much weight.  I thought with a stomach the size of a golf ball, dumping sydrome, and lactose intollerance, I'd never have to worry again.  I don't know what has happened, but I no longer get full.  I am giving in to food again and it is controlling me.  This started around Septmeber of 2009.  So it has been almost 5 months and I have re-gained 25 pounds.  I am 2 years and 6 months out of surgery. 

It took me a lot of courage to call and make an appointment with my surgeon, Dr. Ali, but I finally did.  Two weeks passed and I went to my appointment.  They checked me in, weighed me, and sat me back in the room.  I sat there for an hour.  Finally someone knocked on the door and peeked in.  It was a physicians assistant.  He asked me, "Did they tell you the doctor isn't here?"  I said, "No, I have an appointment."  He responded, "Ya he had to leave.  He had a meeting."

"I've been sitting here an hour."
"I thought it was strange I saw Dr. Ali's tag on the door.  Some patients came in anyway to see the P.A.  Maybe they thought that you were here for that too."
"Why didn't they say anything when I checked in?"
"I don't know."
"Why did they put me in a room?"
"I don't know."

He then walked me out to the front office and gave me his card.  He told me to call and tell them to get me another appointment right away and that he said so.  The check in nurse told me she had a spot for next friday at 10:30 am.  I told her I had to take the afternoon off of work for this.  I can't just take off work.  I would have to check my calander and with work to see if it was ok and then I would call.  She said she tried to call me, but they had my old number.

I was welling up and getting red faced so I just left.  I went to the bathroom and immediately started crying.  They have to understand the emotion I was going through coming in as a failure.  She may have tried to call, but I called before I came in because they moved their office and she didn't mention anything. Then when I checked in, she didn't mention anything either.

I feel horrible.  Am I the failure? Is that what he's going to say?  I don't know how to "get back on track" if I no longer feel full.  I still need to make that new appointment.

Why am I no longer full???

It would be so much easier if the surgery fixed why we eat too! I definatly know how you feel while I have been lucky not to gain alot of weight back I have gained about 20lbs this past couple of years due to thyroid and other issues.. I feel like all I want to do is eat! How I havent gained more is beyond me! I definatly don't think your a failure I just think you need to look at the mental part of the weight loss. I know I do! I just started doing the P90X workouts and they are great! It hurts and I thought I was going to die at first but i'm getting there slowly.. I'm trying to focus more on excersise when I want to eat like I used to do after surgery. Hope you find what works for you and dont give up!

This might not be helpful to you and as you can see, I'm much much earlier out than you -

But have you simply tried going back to basics?  Protein first?  Cutting the empty carbs like bread, rice, pasta, crackers, etc.?  Keeping sugars low?  Did you try the 5-Day Pouch Test? (not endorsing it, but there's no harm in trying it if you're feeling desperate imo.)

I'm asking because I've heard a lot of people say that they're hungry all the time and can eat a ton of food, but it's because they are eating so many carbs which aren't filling and which make you feel more hungry.  I guess it's possible that you've stretched your stoma so the food is flowing right through - in which case you might need Stomaphyx or Band over Bypass - BUT more likely, you don't need anything like that.  You may just need to change your eating habits by going back to basics.  At least others have said it worked for them.  Good luck!!!

Btw, no your doc is not going to call you a failure. The good news is you are catching this relatively early.  Regaining 25 pounds is a lot different from regaining 50 or 100+ like others do. You just need to act now to make sure it just stays at 25, and talking to your doc and posting on OH are terrific first steps.

I just had to post when I saw your avatar. I had my surgery in Mexico, there is one english channel on tv, the Cosby show is on. Bill C was describing sledding in the snow with the kids. I laughed so hard I wanted to cry from the pain, and still I could not quit laughing. Every laugh was agony. I finally had to turn it off!!!!!!!!!!  Wendy

I so admire you for making the appt. and realizing this at 25 pds!! I never got NEAR goal and have gained 40 and I can not make myself go back to my Dr. as I am so embaressed. I am so afraid of what she will say...I weigh more then most when they have the surgery!! You should be so proud of yourself for stopping at 25.
I am so sorry for your last appt. (if you want to call it that!!!)..I hope you can get in again soon..hugs to you.

With a BMI of 40, you do not weigh more than most when they have the surgery, so be gentle with yourself.  40# gain is fixable too -- don't be afraid of your doctor.  Ask for the help you need and get back on track.  By the end of this year, you can be back to where you want to be.

Thanks everyone so much.  I have tried the 5 day pouch test before and didn't really succeed to well at it.  I'm trying again.  This has been the first day and it is SO HARD.  Even with my most favorite lactose free protein drinks (OhYeah! ready to drink), it is not good enough!  I want to eat soooo bad and it's all head hunger.  I had the runs at work this morning too.  I want to go back to how I felt after surgery.  I didn't want food at all.  *sigh*  One more day of liquids only and then we'll see how my pouch feels.  If I feel full with the straight protein then I'll know it's all in my head.  If not, I'll know it's a problem that needs to be addressed by a stomaphyx.  So far I can drink my protein drinks down like water.  I just found at the vitamin shoppe that they sell the "full bar" product line.  They have a powder for water that helps you feel full so I got two small sample packs to try that tomorrow if I feel like I'm going crazy without food at work.  

You may feel like a failure but you are an inspiration to me.  Thank you for sharing.  It has been a blessing to me.  I start ed the 5 day pouch test again today and it has been a struggle but knowing that I am not alone and it is ok and we are getting back up on our feet - I can do it and I will do.  You can do it and you will do it.

I have not reached my goal and am 18 months out.  I've gain about 11 pounds over the holidays but I want my goal and they only way to get it is commitment.  We have to be committed to ourselves and not to the food.  Stay strong.

Please check out the revision board.  Stomaphyx does NOT work.  ROSE doesn't either.  The only two people that have ever claimed success with it turned out to be doctor's staff pushing the procedure.

Please, dont' waste your money with something like that.

Jenn,

I'm sure your Dr. will applaud you for making an appointment to come in.  That's what they always want to see.  Good for you.  I'm so sorry that mix up happened.  Clearly the office staff is not as professional as they should be.

I think the fact you have made the appointment and are now going to go back and see the Dr. is a good indicator that you will be successful in losing these 25 pounds.  Afterall, you've caught it early - good for you!!