Whats wrong with me?!

Okay.. i had Gatsric Bypss Surgery December 8th 2008. I weighed 270 at the time and am 5'6. I also have high cholestoral blood pressure and borderline diabietes. My 21st birthday is tomarrow I feel no need to celebrate. As of a couple weeks ago I weighed a digusting 210 :( I feel like such a faliure. I do take a lot of psych meds like Abilify Remeron Zoloft and Xanax. I've heard these can make you gain weight, while I am not gaining I am certaintly not lossing as fast as I would like. I've lost 10 inches and what maybe 60 pounds? I feel so awful, my surgeon says I am doing well but I know from being on this site that plenty have people have lost a lot more weight then I have...This makes me want to go back to self injury I am a recovering cutter with hardly any friends and this is making is so hard. How can I lose more weight? And will anyone be my friend?


P.S Most of my life my thyroid was underactive it grew into a goiter and had to be removed I am living off synthetic thyroid hormones

Don't look at what other people are doing...Just concentrate on yourself or it will drive you crazy!!!!!! You are doing good!!! Just imagine if you had all the weight you lost back on! That would suck! Talk to your doctor about your meds and maybe start seeing a therapist/counselor regarding your feelings and thoughts about going back to cutting. I think that once you work on your inner issues a lot of the weight issues can work themselves out. It sounds like by your ps that it could be the cause of the weight coming off slower. Just take it day by day and as far as friends go have you started attending any support group meetings?? I just went to my first one last week and I loved it...Good luck to you and PM me if you EVER need to talk!!!!!!

Make sure you have a current free T-4 and TSH level drawn at the doctor's office to be sure you are on the right dose of Synthroid (the generic name is levothyroxine). If your TSH levels are high, the doc will adjust the dose. If the levels are normal, you're good to go!

The only way to lose more weight is to eat less and exercise more. I say this all the time, but be sure to keep a food journal regularly. It has made all the difference for me--I went from 292 to 150, keeping a food journal every day for a year and a half. Periodically, when I feel a lack of control in my eating behaviors, I start my diet journal again. Write down what you eat and drink and how much, and the calories. I know it may seem like a drag, but it makes a difference!

Start exercising. Start with walking, or swimming--something that's easy on the joints. As the weight continues to come off, you can step it up with more aerobic activities like running. I never thought I would want to be as active as I am. (I have battled depression in the past as well. I recommend weekly therapy, which helped me so much!) But here I am, 2 1/2 years out from surgery and running 5 days a week!  

You're only 8 months out, so give yourself a break. Be honest with yourself. HAVE you been eating the same low-calorie, nutrient-dense diet that's recommended? Taking your supplements twice a day? Making sure you get all your protein grams? Drinking ALL your water? It's tough to do all that without keeping a record--I use the "Dieter's Diary" by Corinne Netzer. It also has a handy calorie index in the back. The first year after the surgery is when the weight comes off the fastest. Try to ride that wave. Remember, you can beat Head Hunger. Your little pouch isn't really hungry. But our thoughts have told us to eat something when we're bored, happy, celebrating, killing time, sad, depressed--you name it. Non-obese people don't have the same hurdles to overcome--that insistent voice telling us to FILL UP THE HOLE IN OUR SOULS WITH FOOD!! 

We can't fill up the hole from the outside-in. We can only fill it up from the inside, by loving ourselves and letting it overflow. I saw that in a fortune cookie once.   

Sending you lots of light & love. Remember, you are in the midst of a major transformation. The surgery is only a part of the journey. But it also includes working with our emotions and thoughts. If you're not already working with one, please see about finding a great therapist who can help you with the cutting and depression. You need not go through this alone. You are a beautiful person who is still finding her way. There are wonderful therapists out there who can hold your hand as you learn to love yourself. You are worthy of kindness, love and joy.

I'm gonna catch so much flack for this but here goes... At your age I was just like you...psych hospitals, meds(same ones even), crappy therapist(s), depression did not even describe what I was feeling.  I was such a drag on everyone else that I lost what friends I'd had and most of my family even left me. I did not think I would make it to 30 due to suicide.  I'm 30.  I'm happy.  Why? because I realized (finally) that no meds or therapist or friend/family or surgery could fix me.  I got so tired of losing at life and just got up and stopped feeling like I was some kind of tragedy.  So change that Avatar and get up and do something for yourself, even if in baby steps like it was for me.  Healing takes time in the best of days but if your are constantly keeping wounds torn open, they never heal....so, stop it already, get up and get out, no excuses.  You can do it.  If I'm alive today after the BS of my early 20's (and lots of other people too), you can do it too.  You are not alone in the world and you are not someone who should be felt sorry for.  Kids with crackhead parents get pity, your 21 so tighten up and get started on showing the world what you can do.  I know we are going to see some great things from you. 

It may be tought but It's Love just the same.

p.s.  I remember feeling like things would never get better and that I'd never feel a positive emotion EVER again.  It was like a cloak of darkness miles thick around me.  Let me tell you and please believe me...if your willing to fight the bad sh*t,  the good comes back around.  It's a cycle like that but, the more times you complete the cycle , the easier it gets and the good times last longer and longer until you realize that you are managing life like it's second nature instead of a struggle to survive.   Don't lose years like I did,  put your foot down with yourself and be patient with yourself.

TWOTONTUNIC:

Wow that was absolutely beautiful and so heartfelt I actually got tears in my eyes!!!!!! I am glad that you pulled yourself out of the dark place and decided to start living! I know what it's like and I just admire your words. I hope that she takes them to heart as I did! Cheers to a new life and new beginnings!

This is the best darn post I have read in 4 year.s You are truely an inspiration. Sometimes we need someone like you who will  TELL IT LIKE IT IS. We must make a change within ourselves if we really want to get ahead. Feeling sorry or depressed only makes thing worse. I have other issues that are not related to weight loss but reading you post has really made me think. I need to start living my life and make the best of MY LIFE. I should not look for weight loss, a man, money, etc to make me happy. I should just be happy that I am living, healthy, and able to take care of myself. Again thanks for the post. I needed to read this.

Bravo Lane, Bravo

Damn, well said, twotontunic

Happy Birthday !!   What I would give to be 210lbs.  I hope you are celebrating in some special way. 
Eileen