Disappointed in me

Its been awhile since ive been on the forum. I had my surgery in 2003. I had lost 110 lbs and was at 150 from 260. Well now its 5 years later and I am at 220. What a disappoint I am to myself. I could use the demise of my marriage in 2005 as an excuse. I had to leave my home and start all over as a single mother who was barely making it. But what kind of excuse is that? Millions of women do it every day and Im sure none of them let themselves go. One of the no no's that I ended up doing is drinking sodas. I am now trying to stop drinking those as I known the damage it can do. Unfortunately, I can tolerate sugar as well. I still cannot eat alot at one time, but I am back to eating when I get bored, angry, sad, mad and even happy. You name the feeling, and I will eat to it. Now that I am here, I am not sure how to get back. I am truly disappointed and angry with myself for spending that amount of money to do something to save my life and look where I am now. So sad.....

Hi,  Sorry about all the crap you have had to deal with.  Looking at this from my viewpoint, I would get on the Back on Track message board and not this one.  You haven't failed.  You just need to get back on track.  I really think if you do, you will start feeling better about yourself.  I know it is easy to blame circumtances.  I think we all do that at times.  I'd like to see you over on that board and let's work on getting you feeling better.  Are you getting any emotional support from a counceler, pastor or any one?  That might help too, huuuuuugzzzzzzz.

Where would that board be? I looked and didnt see it.

Try this.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/backontracktogether/

Thank you Shoutjoy for this post, I will definitely visit that forum. I really need encourage and help. Any advice that I can be given will be taken.

Hello DixieB,
I am in the same boat you are. The day you posted this was my birthday. We had our surgery around the same year. I was 322 when I had the surgury and now I am looking at 225. I am scared to death!  But I know what I need to do. Now my knees hurt and everything, just like before which stops me from exercising. Being winter, it is difficult to go outside and walk because of snow and ice and I at my age cannot afford to slip and fall.  Even though I don't eat as much as I use to, I see eat the wrong things.  I read somewhere that because we consume less calories that our bodies readjudge the metabolic clock and we gain weight just as though we are eating a ton of food.  I can tolerate sugar but I am not a sweet eater nor do I drink soda, but I do eat trail mix and I LOVE cheetos. Those things must go.  How about you and I start together and help each other.
Thanks for sharing this because I felt so alone and like such a failure but I know and I am telling you that we don't need to be.  Hit me up and let me know what you wanna do.
Ifama

Wow - your note hit home with me, too. I had my surgery in 2001 and really kept healthy for the first 5 years. Gradually, I've built up a tolerance for sugar and have kept pressing my luck. I snack all the time, hate having hunger pangs and basically find an excuse for eating another protein snack or whatever I can. I don't have the emotional tie in for stuffing down my feelings but all of the continuous grazing has put me up three sizes in pants. I keep blaming gravity since I don't dare weigh myself. I'd like to say I will try along with you to get back on track but I'm great at justifying. You've given me a lot to think about. Yeah, I'm sad, too.

Thank you sooo very much for posting and being so genuine. I had gastric banding about 6 months ago and have done pretty well...54lbs so far. It is a continuous struggle and I know it always will be, as long as I have more good days than bad I will keep up the fight. It is saddening though to know that I will forevermore be watching every little scrumptious bit that goes in my mouth. Arghhh!!  

YOU have done a fabulous job losing the weight before. Just get focused again, get good support and you can do it again!!  Pray for strength and perseverance.....YES YOU CAN!! 

Reading this, I feel bad for your situation and it seems like life has dealt you some blows over the past few years.  However, I really wish the people on this site who talk about "getting back on track" and other issues like that would start to deal with reality.  That reality is that for people who get the various forms of bypass (i.e. not banded), the reason why you are able lose weight has much less to do with the size of the pouch and the psychological games they ask us to play, and much more to do with the fact several hormones related to hunger are stopped by the surgery.  The research says that in somewhere between two and five years, the hormones are able to reassert themselves and the need to eat (I will not even call it "hunger") returns.  These need to eat forces have been described as some of the most powerful in nature, on a par with breathing, though in slow motion. It is the reason diets (without surgery) overwhelmingly fail. That is, they fail not because of a lack of will power, but because our will cannot beat nature.    For some people, it seems like the hormone reappearance is less than in others, but it occurs in everyone.  (For banded people, the hormones are not stopped in the same way and the "honeymoon" period is more of surgical recovery period,,,less time).

Don't be sad. Keep working the issues, but understand this is not a head game. You are eating again not because you are bored, sad or happy (or because of your divorce) but because your eating hormones are working again and you are in a epic battle with nature.  The psychological games we are asked to play mask and deceive us from what is going on.    It is your body trying to assert itself after rerouting the hormones that caused the weight gain to begin with.  Good luck and just look at it as a battle not that you are some sort of failure and need to be angry with yourself.