failure or not with WLS....

Any advice appreciated......... I had WLS April 2005 with a starting weight of 421 pounds and I am 6'1. I did well with the surgery and lost just over 150 lbs with about 80 to go to reach my goal. I had surgery for several reasons but my one main reason was to lose weight to be healthly enough to get pregnant and have another baby before I am too old. I turned 40 last March. I remember reading about how WLS can help greatly with infertility and lots of surprise babies show up. I was told by my doctor that I had to be at least a year post op before even thinking about having a baby but when that year came I was then told to wait at least 18 months to 24 months. At 18 months I began to try but have not had success. Over the last 8 months I have turned back to old habits and have begun to eat too much and drink sugary sodas again. I never exercise and I know longer care about the WLS. I am angry that I can not get pregnant even with the help of an infertility doctor and adoption agencies turn the other way when I advise of my age. I don't want to gain my weight back but I am slowly doing so and have already put back on about 35 lbs(current weight 305). I don't know what to do. I went back to an old friend, Weigh****chers, about 4 months ago and stayed for 3 weeks and lost weight again so I know I can still lose but I quit when another test came up negative and have that I don't care attitude again. I spend time lurking on the post-op pregnancy board for advice but most are not trying to conceive and are already pregnant so that makes me feel worse most of the time. I won't give up having another baby until I am so old I can't walk and talk but how do I get my focus back on losing the rest of the weight and the weight that I gained back. I don't want to be a failure but it's so hard when I just don't care anymore and spend a lot of time depressed.

 

Tami

Tami,

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles at this time. I cannot give you any advice in regards to weight-loss as I have not had my surgery yet. I CAN give you some advice on your depression though. I have had my own troubles with depression and continue to fight every day.

May I suggest that you see a counsellor to discuss your feelings about your current inability to get pregnant? If you are opposed or little afraid to take this step, perhaps start by writing in a journal. Also, it would be very helpful for you to make a list of activities you could do BEFORE you decide to gorge on a forbidden food, soda or meal. I know that sounds really wishy-washy but it is a tried-and-true method for all kinds of destructive behaviour. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. It is how I learned to stop cutting myself when I was feeling bad.

The way the list works is simple, you pick 10 to 20 activities that distract you, keep you away from your temptation and help calm you. Examples could be:

1. Make a cup of tea 2. Write a list of 10 things you are grateful for in your life (eg. husband, daughter) 3. Play the piano (or guitar) 4. Go for a walk around the block 5. Play with the dog or cat 6. Have a nice bubble bath 7. Get out the crayons and just draw something 8. Call a supportive friend or family member and chat about what is bothering you 9. Run up and down the stairs until you feel tired 10. Have a nap 11. Scream into your pillow and punch it 12. Paint your nails...

I think you get the idea. If you get to the end of your list, try it again.

In the meantime, I think you need to give yourself a much needed break. You are being too hard on yourself. Surgery of any kind is a shock to the whole body. It may take some extra time for your body to fully recover and be receptive to becoming pregnant. Also, when a body is stressed out (which happens when the mind is stressed out), it is not in a very good position to become pregnant either.

Of course, if all else fails, see another doctor and get a second or third or even a fourth opinion.

I really hope you can get past this rough spot and have some resolve in your situation.

Wishing you peace, Debbie

Hi Tami, i am so sorry your going through a rough patch right now. I too went to ww pre surgery and i am 1 year post op.....i have lost nearly 180 lbs but i keep going up and down between 10 pounds and it is because of my own poor eating habits...Junk food candy sodas chips don't make me immediately sick and they are easier to get down so i eat them...but now i am trying to get back on track to reach some goals. My point in saying all this is your not alone.  There will be days you may fall off the wagon but the important thing is just don't stay off ....you get knocked down, get right back up and keep on fighting. even if your taking small baby steps your moving and going forward if you don't do anything then you go nowhere.   You put back on 35 pounds...your not too far gone you can do it!  Weigh****chers is a great program because it really teaches you how to eat...and make choices and be responsible for those choices and like you said you know you can still loose the weight...for all of us having had the surgery it is only a tool anyway....at some point the surgery takes us as far as it can take us and then it lets go of our hand and we have to do the rest on our own....but you can do it don't expect to much too fast and understand there are going to be some bad days. The advice you were just given about finding other things to distract you is a great idea....i need to do that too. because i notice when i am really busy with something i don't think about eating as much. Maybe you will be able to find someone on the site that can relate to what your going through with trying to concieve and having a hard time I am sure it would help to find someone who can relate to you.  Anyway I wish you well with everything and keep your head up.  It is never to late to do the right thing... Jeanyne

YOu need to lose well below 250, to be a better weight to get pregnant. Every time I lost weight below 200 pounds, I got pregnant. You are giving up too soon, and reacting very badly. I know you want to have a child, but trying to destroy your health isn't going to help. It;s like you didn't get pregnant right away, so you're going to ruin your surgery???? You need to get back on track  and get down as low as possible, in order to have the best chance of pregnancy. Anything worth doing is worth working long and hard for! I'm sure having another baby is a very valuable goal. Best wishes to you.

Tami, I'm so sorry about what you are going through, trying to get pregnant is extremely an emotional rollercoaster and those of us with a weight problem use food to sooth the ruff times.  But none of that is going to help you get pregnant.  You need to see an infertility specialist,  I'm talking from experience.  Your chances of conceiving, even at a normal weight, are low because of your age. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but it is a fact  women over 40 have a difficult time getting pregnant on their own. Tthe good news is there's lots of help out there for those wanting to have a baby.  See an infertility specialst (reproductive endocrinologist) sp, now, don't go to your regular dr they aren't specialized enough. Good luck and take care, Robin mother of one with lots and lots of help