Feeling Low

Hey guys, Well, I have to fess up. I am 3 years post open RNY tommorow as a matter of fact. I started at 267 lbs and lost down to 133. I weighed Tuesday, and I have gained 20 lbs. I am so mad at myself and the depression is eating me up. I know that the depression is because of the weight gain and the weight gain is because of depression. With me, its just a vicious cycle. My dad died in December of 2005 after a long, hard illness and I resorted to bad eating habits and stinky thinking again. Now I really feel like a failure because for a while, I was a poster child for gastric bypass. The shame is just like it has been in the past when I have lost and gained enourmous amounts of weight. I'm so glad I found a place where I can say all of this. My friends just don't understand. They say, well just quite eating. Well, if it were that simple, I would'nt have had my gut cut open in the first place. Thanks for letting me vent. Jane.

I usually dont come to this board... but I was trying to educate myself on possible problems and issues. Anyway I think you have done very well. I started at 263 and im down to around 190/195 ish in 3 mos. I am so pleased with the loss. Keep in mind its 20 lbs not 200. It could be worse. Have you thought about getting back on track with exercise and diet, going back to the basics from when you were freshly post op. I dont have a whole lot of advice since im newly post op but I really think that you have done an awesome job and I wish you the best of luck.

Hi Jane! You and I are definitely in the same boat here! I had my RNY July 2003 and lost from 338 to 183 (by June 2004). I have slowly (but steadily) gained back 26 pounds since that time. I haven't reached the point of feeling like a failure, but I'm sure headed in that direction! I agree with the previous post, though..... it's 20#, not 200#, so we can still see the light at the end of the tunnel! I don't know if this will help you get back on track, but it's helped me a little bit: I wrote down a list of all the things I was doing right (to stay on track) and then I wrote down all the things that I was doing wrong..... of course the "wrong" list is much longer than the "right" list, but it's tangible evidence of what needs work. With it staring at me in bold ink, I now have a workable list and my goal is to move the bad habits from the wrong list to the good list. Example: One of the things on the wrong list is that I'm not getting in enough water. My goal for this week is to get in at least 60oz of water per day for seven days. Even if that is the ONLY thing I do consistently from the list, then so be it, but once I have been doing it for a week, I can move it from the wrong list to the right list, then tackle another item. I have found that by concentrating on one thing at a time, it's not quite so overwhelming. And, each habit that I'm working on will only BENEFIT me in the long run, so it's a win-win sitiation! Best of luck to you! I'm rooting for all of us in this situation! Hugs! Kristi

I usually stay in the "lockerroom" and just post on the Men's forum. However, I feel that I owe some of my success to all of the people on OH who have helped me since I first joined OH in 07/2000. I'm not at goal yet but that's ok by me. I'm finally accepting myself as I am. I'm not satisfied to be a super morbidly obese man anymore, but I'm not beating myself up about it anymore. GUILT can be dangerous. It's especially dangerous when we are feeling guilty but are not really guilty of anything. Accept feelings as being feelings and not as being actions. You are thinking clearly because you are aware of what you are doing. You can change how you think about things and thus, you can change your reactions. Furthermore, you can even mentally envision responding differently to your current situation and then you will find yourself following your positive visions. This contrasts with what happens when you color your world with dark hues and failures and then live in failure. You do have a choice. Choose the positive course. I tell this to you now. You may need to remind me of it some day. So, we help each other through support groups, love, and the guidance of whatever god you believe in.

I just wanted to add that if you are feeling depressed for rational or irrational reasons, realize that depression is a treatable illness. Too many people try to overcome depression without taking any of the medication that is available. You may have a short term depression that can be treated by a mild antidepressant. If you are not chronically depressed, your primary physician can prescribe a suitable antidepressant and have you come back in 4-6 months for a re-evaluation. If you have recovered from the depression, he/she can wean you off the meds. If you have a chronic mental condition, then you should consider seeing a psychiatrist. I just don't understand why so many people assign guilt and/or shame to being depressed. You can't all believe Tom Cruise! These days, treating a mild mental illness is as common as treating a heart condition. You can be depressed and recover. This is even more evident when you are dealing with truly depressing events like the death of a loved one.