Am I The Only One?

Hi All, I had my WLS on Oct 24th 2005. I lost a total of 85 pounds and now eat basically whatever I want when I want, just in smaller amounts. I dont exercise because I feel like such a failure. (I know that doesnt make sense........but it does to me) I guess I;m asking if there is anyone else out there really really struggling this early in the game. I know I am allowing my window of oppurtunity to slip through my fingers.........but my food addiction is stronger than it was even before surgery. I feel the need to comfort myself because I am such a failure at this. It tears me up to come on OH.com and see all of the success stories. Is anyone willing to share a failure story? I wasnt going to post this because there can be some very harsh judgement passed by people who have forgotten what its like to be in my shoes(mostly on the Main Board) I am not asking for advice or sympathy............just asking if there is anyone out there who isnt so successful? Thanks for listening! willby

Dear Wilby, I'm not failing yet but I have great sympathy for you. I know how powerful food has been in my life, so I figure there are some tough battles ahead. I do hope you are able to find a way to begin moving away from the condemnation (it is just eating after all--I'm assuming you're not robbing banks to pay for a donut habit!). It took me several years and several stages to even get ready for wls. I know you don't want advice, so you can ignore this part, but instead of looking into eating disorders/food addictions, you might want to do some research on what is called change theory. (Robert Keegan is a good start.) Regardless of the behavior we want to change, people go through very different stages and where we are in those stages impacts the kinds of things that will help us move on to change. By taking this angle, you can move away from the food issues and guilt. I am a nerd, so I do a lot of reading to keep me informed and on track, but everyone has to find their own way. I do wish you the best. And you know what, even if you don't lose another pound, you are still a valuable person who deserves understanding. Just like the rest of us at whatever weight. Sally

Hey Wilby...I know what it is to feel like a failure. I had the band and lost 30 lbs..that is it. I'm in the process of converting to the RNY because it's pretty obvious, that no matter what I do, I'm not going to lose anymore weight with the band. I eat considerably less..I do exercise..I drink plenty of water. Nothing. So, don't judge yourself too harshly. You know what got me to this point of deciding to get the rny? I had to step back and not think about what I ate or when I exercised..I didn't write what I ate, I didn't think about how much water I was getting in...I had to stop. Boy was that great. I put so much stress on myself that I was a bear to be around...my eyelid kept twitching!! Within two weeks I stopped being such a witch and my eyelid stopped twitching. I stopped obsessing about everything and just did what I needed to do. I didn't measure with a measuring cup or weighed anything, just eyeballed everything. I changed my exercise routine a bit and stopped pushing myself to the point where instead of enjoying exercise it became a hard, hard chore. I feel better for it. My suggestion...go to your support groups..it really is good to see other people and what they go through...see your nutritionist and your doc. It might help to start seeing a counselor who specializes in weight issues. Find some hobby that you've always wanted to try..something that will take your mind off of your food issues. Get the crap out of your house. Don't go out to eat but once a month and then let yourself have a treat afterwards. It's okay to do that....the key is the portion size. Just know that you are not alone in your struggle. There are more people out there than you know who are going through the same thing you are and if you find them, then stick with each other for support..you'll feel better for it. I hope you find a way to work around this...best of luck to you and take care. Cathy

Hi Wilby, First of all, let me say CONGRATULATIONS!!!! After reading your post, went and read your profile to see where you were coming from. My sister had RNY last Nov. and she's been having the same problems. Able to eat whatever she wants, drink alcohol,etc. At our last support group, they got on her when she fessed up. I believe she got approved too soon before she mentally geared up for the surgery. I've been researching WLS for 3 years now and I'm still learning. My advice to her and you, is this. Read, research, empower yourself. Reading others success stories can be quite encouraging. Rethink why you had the surgery in the first place. I have a list I read every week, reminding myself of all the reasons I want this surgery. I can totally relate to your feelings about food, but remember, it's only fuel.Take some serious time for yourself and reflect on reasons and treat yourself to something wonderful for the weight you've lost. By the way, I got approved last week, finally after three years and four appeal letters. Em

You are not alone, I lost 50lbs from 02/05 to 07/05 and then started having terrible side pain. It took them from 07/05 to 03/06 to figure out I needed my appendix removed that had formed a growth of bacteria on it. I have not lost (or gained) a single pound in a whole year. To make matters worse, since the appendix surgery I have terrible bouts of diarhea and stomach upset that I never experienced before. My weight loss was slow from the beginning, I never dumped, I can eat anything I want and now am having a hard time exercising because of my bowel problems. This is what I am going to do.... try my best to get back to basics, one day at a time. Eat protein first and drink, drink, drink water! Did you know if you are even slightly dehydrated this slows your metabolism down by as much as 5%???? Just know you aren't alone... I am a self admitted foodaholic and exercise is the only thing that saves my butt from getting bigger

You know I had the same issue and everyone including my Doctor kept saying the weight will start coming off again. It did not. I have started to gain rapidly now and I am so depressed about it. I am in the process of getting a revison however I am doubtful here too because my Doctor will only be revising to a Fobi pouch and another patient who had the same Fobi pouch has been emailing me that her revision did not work. Like all weightloss programs and tools there ARE failures. I just made the mistake of thinking that WLS falure proved. I would have been happier if I had come even close to my target weight but I did not. Many, many people are successful some without even much effort. Because of that some Doctors do not offer decent after care. Get a hold fast because that window is just very narrow for some of us. I was in a size 34 and went down to a tight 22 pants and 18 top now I am in a tight 28 pants. I had my surgery in 2003 and no one listened when I started asking for help six months after surgery. I shake my head when I hear people who had WLS say "just diet". I wonder what planet they are from. I wouldn't have paid all that money and suffered pain if it were that easy. Many successful WLs patients are so afraid it might happen to them that they bash and try to silence those of us who have not enjoyed success. I am happy WLS exist and I am grateful for the short time I cauld travel without an extension. It does work for many, many people. Some who have to try really hard and some who dance through to their ideal weight. However, if other people and Doctors would speak up I feel we could have a smaller rate of failure. Patients should be monitored very closely the first year. Especially those of us without family support. Sorry for the long commentary on but it is how I feel. Thank you for sharing and good luck.

You are so not failing....85 lbs in less than a year? When was the last time in your life that you ended a year lighter than you started out? I had my surgery 3 years ago...so let me say this...that window of weight loss that they talk about is so individual...My weight loss didn't slow down until this year. What i mean by this is your window of opportunity is by no means over. I am still food addicted, by the way, it is not something that they cut out when they make the make the new pouch. I know you feel disappointed and hurt...this weight loss journey is long one, and our struggles with food don't diminish because we now have a weightloss tool like gastric bypass....I suffered from terrible depression and feelings of isolation, and true mourning for my previous life. I know that seems strange, after all, who wants to be heavy, and have out of control eating...but that really defined me for so long, I just didn't feel like myself.... I am still not at goal ands I still struggle....Sometimes, I am amazed at the fact that so many people, both on these boards and at my own support group, don't admit to the difficulties that they suffer, or their set backs, any negative comments get flamed immediately. I think none of us who have not had any easy ride who keep it to themselves are doing any of our WLS sisters and brothers any favors. We all need to feel that we can discuss all elements, good and bad, successful and not so successful without fear of judgement.... I hope that I have given you some comfort...Take good care and try to look up a little...You are a success....even if you don't feel it yourself yet..... Kelly

Hi Willby, I, like you, had my surgery in October of 05. I am down 85 lbs. and on a good week 89. I have not lost anything but the same 3 lbs. for about 9 weeks (although it feels a lot longer). Three weeks ago I started back at the gym. First week was 3 days, last week was 4 days and this week will be 5 days at the gym. I am up to 35 minutes of cardio. I am tracking all my food in fitday.com. I've increased my protein. Still - no loss. I think of food constantly. I also can eat a lot more than I thought I would be able to at this point. It is a constant struggle. Someone told me I should cut my protein to approximately 50 grams. So now I am trying that. I am trying to tweak the program. Maybe I am eating too many fats, maybe too many carbs, maybe not enough water. But all these thoughts are the same ones I struggled with pre-surgery when I could not drop a pound. There are many times I want to cry and have. I have decided to get my 9 month blood work done and see if there is anything that is wrong in that category. I am also going to make an appointment with the Barix Clinic and see what one of the Doctors has to say about this. My Doctor left the clinic several months ago and I have not been back since my 3 month check up and I'm pissed 'because I feel abandoned by them. But I am going to change that. So all I can say to you is what I say to myself - I WILL NOT GIVE UP! I will knock on every door to see who or what can help me continue this challenge of weight loss. Without this surgery I could have never lost the weight I did and I am so grateful for that but I am not done yet and I won't count myself out. I have taken on this challenge like everything else I do in life. I give all my attention to all those around me and make sure that if they take something on I am right there to give them my best. Well, now I am giving me my best 'because I deserve it and so do you. Please feel free to write me any time. Hugs, Loretta

Wilby, I don't want to label you (or me) as a "failure". Even though I'm 2 years out, in the last few months I've come to realize that I am going to struggle with my weight, diet selections, exercise, vitamins, & water EVERYDAY!! I have to think MORE now about what I'm eating, the combo of foods I'm eating, and did when was the last time I had something to drink than I ever did before the surgery. I pray everyday that the Lord gives me the strength to face my fears and emotions and give me the guidance to make decisions for my health. Quite frankly, some days are better than others....today's not great but I'm sure it'll get better At 2 years out, I've lost a little over 100lbs. To some, that is "success", to me that's not where I want to be==failure??? We're always so hard on ourselves. We need to celebrate that everyday we have added to our life buy having the surgery and getting more healthy. I know that 2 years ago (before the surgery) I would have never been able to physicially done some of the things I've done (scuba dive, parachuting, horseback riding, hiking, etc) Shoot, riding in an airplane without the use of an "extender" on the seat belt was a MAJOR achievement...now I fit those seats without any problem!! Now, I have all those hanging skins...including on my fingers!! What kind of surgery can correct that??? You are not a failure...get off this forum You are a strong and beautiful woman making better decisions for your life Cindy

OMG NO!!!! You're not a failure , but I understand whole heartedly what you are saying. I would like for you to read my profile http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=D1026066589 and if you think you're alone, think again...I dont offer any advise though--just don't feel so alone. I know what its like to not want to tell people that you're post op cuz certain folks think cuz they were able to lose the weight that they're in a position to judge but they forget that if were that easy, this wouldnt have been necessary in the 1st place. Don't worry about them though, some people just feel it necessary to put themselves on a pedestal. Let them. You just take care of yourself and you make SURE YOU TALK w/your dr. Hopefully they can help you... and yes, I stopped losing pretty early...I had surgery in april 1998 and hit the MAJOR 'plateau' in November that same year (is it still considered a plateau after 8yrs? )... Luv Sharon