Keeping DS to yourself

I am a very private person. Very. I feel like my medical history is nobody else's business. I also thought that there would be people (all in-laws) who would judge me and mock me. I figured I'd lose a certain amount of weight, say I'd worked hard to get it (which is true - exercising, changing my eating, recovering from surgery, dealing with all the unexpected side effects have not been easy) and move on.

My issue has been (as I've mentioned before) that I've lost more weight than my doctor or I expected (prisoner of war type). I seem to have leveled out, but given my unexplained anemia I am having a hard time gaining weight or muscle (if only that had been my issue before!).

And the only people who know about my DS are my husband and my doctor's office. When asked about my weight I mention my eating plan and supplements because I feel like it's my personal business and I don't have to share my private medical history with everyone who asks.

I haven't told my kids or my parents/siblings. I have a sister-in-law who hates me (the feeling is pretty mutual) and has been obsessed with uncovering what I've done and how I've "cheated." She's sending my siblings to interrogate my mom about me having "lap band." I say I didn't, which is true, but I'm starting to feel some guilt about my mom having to defend me.

Has anyone else been in this position? I've seen plenty of friends online who have lost 100+ pounds without surgery, so it is possible. That's not how I did it, but again, that's no one's business but mine. How did you deal with it if you made a similar choice? I also don't want to go back and be like, yep, you're right, I did surgery and deal with that judgment/drama/fallout from it. Emotionally I don't think I'm in a position to deal with it. Any suggestions?

You are absolutely right that your health and medical history are nobody's business except yours. Stick to your guns. Families being what they are, if you tell even one person, other than your husband, the entire family will end up knowing.

I think anyone rude enough to interrogate you about your weight loss deserves a rude answer, but, like you, I prefer to keep things polite if possible and not respond to rudeness with rudeness. But it is possible to tell the persistent people, after a couple polite replies (and you are clearly well beyond a couple by now) by telling them, nicely, that your health and/or weight is not their business and that the subject isn't open to discussion, the end. Then change the subject. Or walk away. Repeat as needed. You can also tell your mom, who has been put in the position of defending you, that she can tell the pushy relatives that anything they want to know about you they should ask you. In other words, she can get herself out of the middle. If she chooses not to get out of the middle, that's her choice and not on you.

Or, if you prefer to be less polite, you can tell folks you have some dreaded disease, or a tape worm, or anything else that will convince them not to bother asking again.

Larra

Why would you not tell your wife? Shouldn't she be aware so she can tell your medical team if something happens to you???

Definitely your own choice. Calling it cheating is just ignorant. I eventually told people but at my own pace.

You've gone over a year keeping such a small circle of people knowing, and I'm surprised...not just at you keeping mum, but let's face it, everyone has one or two confidantes aside from you, so a secret like that is bound to get out. I'm actually impressed at those you confided in. May they stick to their guns with an iron will just as you are.

Now that it's been so long, I see no reason to disclose it now unless you choose. There will be hurt feelings that you didn't trust them to understand from the start. That will be harder to explain than your decision to get surgery at all. For the nosey in laws, let them stew and wonder, and laugh to yourself all the way to the scale. They are HATING this, so take some joy in that (yes, that is a snarky underetone in your favor).

I'm a very private person like you and only shared with 1 person, a friend, that I had gastric bypass, which occurred almost 2 years ago. This friend has not broken my trust and disclosed my bariatric surgery to anyone.

This weekend I've been around a younger sister that used to be the thinnest sister but now I am. It's been frustrating and annoying how much she brings up my size and comments about my lack of drinking alcohol and eating smaller portions. She's still thin but has put on ~30 lbs over the last few years and is clearly threatened by my newfound body shape and improved health. Meanwhile, my identical twin sister has probably put on 100 lbs in the same time period. My strategy to deal with them is to ignore their comments and they to remove myself from their company when it gets to be too much. Their body, mind & lifestyle issues are their own to solve. I refuse to let them bring me down or mess with my head and confidence.

I absolutely keep my business private. People are judgmental and watch to see you fail. Besides, I don't owe anyone an explanation. My husband and 3 people who love me know. I have been up and down weight wise for years. I just mention that I'm on a downward road and will probably be going back up next year. In a year, no one even remembers.

You are a warrior in keeping yourself healthy and happy. Don't feel shame or guilt. we all had enough of that when we were overweight. Your weight whether up or down does not define you. Stop letting people hound you. Don't respond much. Your doctor is dealing with your health issues and learn to just say nothing. It's amazing how much less interested people are when they get no response from you and you don't react emotionally.

Take care of you and let everyone else take care of themselves.

I told people, Yes, I had weight loss surgery. It is so easy to lose weight when you have no hunger and when you can only eat a tiny portion of food.

Then I would complain that it is so hard to find professional looking clothing once you are too small for size four. The stores around here just don't stock much in size 2 or size 0.