Dating after weight loss

Hi all,

I have a sort of non issue I'd like to bounce off of ya'll. Before my DS and subsequent 180 lb weight loss and plastic surgery, I avoided dating and most social events. I was so scared of being shamed and rejected. I would always look around and note that I was the heaviest person in the room. I could go into family issues, but I think I'll avoid that for now. Anyway I've started thinking about dating and that I'd like to have someone in my life. I joined an online dating service and have met several men. Now I'm scared. I've been solitary for so long, I'm finding it very difficult to step out there and have someone in my life. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm also nervous about all my scars from PS, and the wrinkled skin left on my thighs. I'd appreciate any insight.

Well, there are plenty of men out there who will like you notwithstanding scars or wrinkled skin. I lost over 320 pounds and I have plenty of loose skin but I snagged a dude 17 years younger than me who is pretty cute and I haven't had any trouble dating and finding men who like me. Just be you and don't be afraid. And know that there are plenty of guys out there who will accept you and plenty who are out to use you like every girl on earth so just be smart and have fun.

what you are feeling is very common. when you are MO you just kinda think you are going to be alone for the reasons you mentioned. I have found that men don't care about PS scares at all, we do though :) not saying that you shouldn't be nervous etc. thighs can be fixed with a lateral thigh lift and medial thigh lift or you can leave them alone.

after being MO and alone, it's just a different lifestyle to be looked at and wanted as a woman, and being scared that someone will see (your thighs as you mentioned) your imperfections, no one is perfect but clothes do hide a multitude of sins.

just take it slow, date have fun, this will be new for you, but I think its great you are getting out there....welcome to the jungle of online dating!!!

Here's the thing...what exactly are you looking for? Is it sexual encounters or a true-love relationship? Don't look at me with "duh" expression, because your true to your heart answer is going to gauge your experience with this.

If you're looking for those sexual encounters that you hear all the skinny girls having (yes, many want to go here just because they can), then the reactions of men will be very shallow, because they are looking at 'face value' first impressions and not bothering to go any deeper than that. Some will be more judgemental, while others are simply looking for sex, where they may not even get a chance in the dark to scrutinize. Then there is the other spectrum...the fetishes...where they may particularly like jiggly skin or overweight women. Strange, I know, but they exist.

Now, if you're looking for the true-love relationship, there's no reason to put sex out there anytime soon. Any man who tries to hurry it along is in the other category and trying to fool you or himself. You first take time to really know each other down to your very soul before that physical satisfaction occurs. You learn how to have fun together, you can talk about all kinds of things, and just hanging out is fulfilling to both of you. The former category doesn't put time into these things, and sometimes morphs and most times doesn't. Once you've really synced with each other, your physical imperfections are so far away from any scrutiny, because the sexual experience is one that is linked just as strongly at an emotional level.

Then again, what do I know? I've been married 27 years. I have many single friends who have been on the hunt for either of these two relationships. I've seen the revelations, celebrations, and disappointments.

Wow, very wise! I am certainly not just looking for sex, really I want a friend first, then perhaps more if it works out. Thank you for giving me some good advice.

Guys like sex. The end lol.

but seriously if the guy is worth your time he's not going to be worried about a few scars or loose skin. Nobody is perfect

The right man won't care. And if you meet a man who is bothered by your scars or the way you look, read the first sentence over again.

So, another question. When, if ever, would you tell someone you're dating about your DS? So far I have told very few people outside of family.

Well here it is for me. I was 22 when I had my DS. Im nearly 12 years post op now.

I didnt tell anyone I was dating. To me, Ill tell you if things get really serious as the choice to have surgery was not something I took easily. Truthfully I hated to have to have it but there was no stopping my body (mine was not a food problem, mine is autoimmune). And one of the big things for me with the DS was that I could eat like a normal person, with albeit smaller portions at first.

I have now been with the same guy for 5+ years. I didnt tell him about surgery till 2 years ago. So yeah I went 3 years without a word and he couldnt tell because my food types wetent restricted beyond my own food allergies.

So it is a choice of your own how soon or how long you wait to bring it up.

Don't be shy about your body. Men fall in love with character