Shame

I had VSG surgery 3 years ago and basically told most people: all of my extended family, friends and coworkers.  I even told my hairdresser lol.  I didn't go so far as posting it on Facebook.  

I always looked at it as a medical correction.  I explained I was driven to eat more than other people and it was a surgery to help make me more like a normal person but that I still needed to make healthy choices that a normal, healthy person would. I would explain that I had an unnatural compulsion to eat more than I should and my surgery would help limit portion size and reduce hunger.  Most people seem to understand this.

Today I don't tell new friends or acquaintances unless there is a reason to do so.  If WLS comes up in conversation or someone asks how I went from 250 to 165 lbs because they want to make a change themselves,  I'll talk about it.  

I've been on every diet in the book. I once went from 185 to 136 in six months and gained it all back like overnight. Well, regained it back in less than six months. I lose ten pounds and gain back twenty. Then my type two diabetes got worse and now I have sleep apnea. I am not ashamed to have this surgery, hopefully end of this December. I told my coworkers and have had responses from you go girl and you don't look like you need the surgery and have you tried xxx diet? Main reason is to get rid of the diabetes and improve the sleep apnea which I'm struggling now with. I've had a lot of nasal congestion this week.  I had the cardiac cath and arteries are squeaky clean. I get cardiac clearance this Monday and see doc and NUT on Thursday. 

Im considered a light weight. BMI just above 35. 

I was more ashamed at the lack of results from each and every effort I made to lose weight.  No matter what I did or didn't do, eat or didn't eat, my body fought me tooth and nail.  Getting WLS was my way of finally taking control, and I felt more empowered than ever.

I also am a very private person so didn't tell many people.  Family was very supportive, but I got very tired of others telling me I was taking the easy way out, and that I could lose the weight if I would only stick to whatever diet they were espousing at the moment.  I was never able to change anyone's mind or attitude about my surgery, so I keep it to myself.  I have never regretted my decision and now I am much smaller than the people telling me I should use their diet.  There is quiet satisfaction.