and three mo0nths later.....

After many frustrating months of fighting with insurance companies and dealing with doctors, all while struggling to maintain my weight I finally have a date for my surgery March 23, 2015!
Thank all of you who had to deal with me and those who were there for me as support. I know this is just the beginning and I will have to make a ton of changes in my life, but it is a new beginning and I except change as something wanted by me.

Congratulations!  : )

Congratulations! 

Congraulations, Jason, on yoru perserverance and success!

Great. Congratulations!!!!

Congrats - I had the surgery almost 3 months ago and I'm happy I did.

My pre-surgery advice is don't try to do too much prep or buy a lot of vitamins, proteins shakes etc. ahead of time. I did absolutely nothing pre surgery and had plenty of time post surgery to buy foods and vitamins. You won't be able to swallow or eat much for the first 2 weeks so you don't need much.

Good luck!

is it normal to be totally emotionally confused? It seems all at once I am excited, scared and depressed. I am having trouble sleeping because of horrible dreams and my mind never shutting up. I feel like I should be putting all my clothing on ebay already just to get rid of the fat me.

I swear I am all over the place mentally and emotionally right now and my 'support base' doesnt understand. They think it is just a surgery to lose weight and I see it as a new berth, I mean I sort of want to change my birth date to the day of the surgery if I could some how.

Then I know some people might understand this here...I suddenly get depressed realizing ho much of my life I wasted. I realize how I will never have that 'teenage' puppy love romance that can only happen with youth. Or that I will never be a 'normal' person because of changed eating habits. I also wonder who I will be in just a few months? 

Will I be Jason Wilson, The lonely guy who spent 42 years hiding from others? Or will I learn to accept people and trust them not to hurt me? Man do I have years of therapy still to go. But seriously, I wonder if I will ever be like my brothers and able to just walk up to a woman and start a conversation and ask her on a date with out thinking "The fat guy never gets the girl." because I wont be that guy physically. Emotionally and mentally..I worry what I will be?

Dont get me wrong I am very excited about a new lease on life and a chance to make right that which I messed up. I am just scared of the unknown and intangible future of me.

I think it's completely normal to have all of these feelings.  Once I was approved I literally wanted to sleep until my surgery date.  I was excited, HOPEFUL and scared to death all at the same time.  I listened to a lot of guided imagery tapes to help put myself in a positive state of mind.  It helped me a lot with the fear around the surgery itself and a quick recovery.  I went into surgery with a ton of shame.  I was ashamed that I had to have surgery to control my weight.  I woke up without any shame and just had feelings of excitement about my future.  As the weight came off I continued to use positive thoughts to help me navigate my new life. 

I did have regrets that I had spent so many years fat and on the sidelines of life but realized there is no use crying over things that were in the past.  I had a lot of living to make up for.  I challenged myself to try new things.  Many people won't even know who you were so you can create the person you wish to be.  A lot of my self hatred fell off when the weight did without needing therapy.  Once my body no longer screamed " I HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM", many of my internal issues went away.  I loved feeling normal for once. 

It helped me to realize that my mind will believe whatever I tell it.  You can create any life you choose.  There is a great video (geared more towards women but it can help anyone) called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay.  It changed my life for sure.  Definitely watch that whole video.  It's much better than the book.  Let me know what you think.  Also, write down your goals....emotional, physical, experiences, etc.  Writing them down will help your brain realize opportunities to achieve them. 

Best Regards,

Cathy

Dude you're going to be fine! I was a nervous wreck before my surgery too. It won't change who you are unless you let it but it will open a whole new world for you. My friend that told me about the DS eats a normal meal and I would have never known he had surgery until he told me. You Need to focus on fun stuff like buying clothes from a brick and mortar store or riding rides at an amusement park! Stay strong my friend and enjoy the ride!

shawn

Congrats!!!!!