You gotta know when to hold 'em...

 DS Forum Family-

(Reprinted from FB post)

I have been absolutely and utterly heartbroken, as most of you can tell by my writings on this board. Not suicidal, just utterly broken. I have put forth so much effort to get to this point, and tried so hard to make my dream real of studying my way off disability, and with a new degree, helping other weight loss surgery patients. It's just not going to happen. Thanks to delays in surgeries, and chopping through all that red tape, the window of opportunity has shut. I think the only feeling worse than this was when my dear parents left this Earth - Mom, just two years ago, and Dad, just 18 months after I landed my dream journalism job in Chicago.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, no one is interested in helping a middle aged woman reinvent herself, no one sees potential in someone my age. Regardless of the enthusiasm, aptitude or anything else positive I could bring to the table, I'm viewed as a waste of time and money.

If I had my own means, it would be a no-brainer, I'd do it myself. There aren't any other private resources like that that I've found, so that's pretty much it. Don't say the federal government. The only thing available there is for those who do not yet have degrees, are first generation college students, and the like. None of that applies to me. Education can open doors, true, but when you fall on hard times and have difficulties, it gets them quickly slammed in your face, at least, that's my experience.

I know there are some who will read this, and think they easily have the answer that could make this possible. I wish you did. This is just simply not for me to have.

I'm not sure what's next. I see they're hiring baggers at the supermarket next door, but I'd have a problem with that, because I can't stand for long periods of time. Sad that I just don't seem to fit anywhere.

So for those of you whom I've offended in any way, I'm sorry. I'll still put my two cents in if I have experienced or read anything on a subject I might know a little about every now and then. But as the lyric to "The Gambler" goes "You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em...."

I fold.

It sounds like you just need to find a new dream.

I think many of us hope to find careers helping other in the bariatric community, but for most of us it does not pay the bills. Many just do it as volunteers.

I'm so sorry that your plans did not work out. I hope you will be able to make new and difference plans - not better or worse, just different. I don't have any brilliant suggestions, but perhaps a career counselor would.

Larra

You can still help newbies like me on here. And don't sell yourself short. Allthat I wanted was to be in the Marines. I worked hard, ran every day,lifted weights and everything I could. A week before I was taking off for Boot Camp, I got hit by a pickup truck as a pedestrian,spent many months in rehab. Once I was out, The Marines didn't want me. Two years later, Desert Storm broke out. If I would've been in the Marines I would have to go there and possibly been killed. Now I'm an RNand I love what I'm doing, so it's funny how things work out. Keep your head up, keep reaching for the stars and you'll get there.

Shawn

First off, You are NOT allowed to fold, we wont let you :) Bending is OK though!

I hear what you’re saying about the age thing. Age discrimination is so in-grained in our society that people don’t even realize it. Un-like many other societies, because of Hollyweird and the media in general, only the young and beautiful have value in our society. In many eastern cultures, older people are looked up too for their wisdom and knowledge. In this country, we are often tossed aside at the time in our life when we have the most to give. I’m 56 and feel like my brain is so alive with energy, knowledge and wisdom to share. The problem is, sometimes I feel like no one gives a F@** or wants to listen to what you have to say.

Do I let it bother me? Yeah, sometimes, but not very often. I know how great I am, and I know the value I have and it sounds like you do as well. I like to be around children. They actually do still want to listen and learn and they make you feel good and useful still! 

Regarding your career paths….Find a new road. There are many roads or paths to get you to the same place and achieve the same goal. In my life, I have found over and over that if I had a blocked path, I would just turn around and find a new path to get to the same place I wanted to be, but just got there in a different way….For example: No one would hire me to do a job I really wanted many years ago,….So, I created my own, I started my own business that later become worth millions. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it God, pre-destination or whatever you like, but, If you keep trying the same thing expecting different results and something’s not working, it can be because our spirit guides, our Angels are trying to move us in the direction that we are supposed to be going. So, please be patient, you’re not allowed to give up, and you’re on the path you are supposed to be on and it will present itself, if it hasn't already. You just have to be open to change in a way you may not yet realize to see it….Best wishes!

robs477-

Thanks so much for your reply.

I am having a really tough time with this middle-age phase of life.  I'm 56 also, and had I not spent the previous 15 years sick, and taking care of sick elders (while trying to find out what the heck was wrong with me - autoimmune was finally discovered!), none of this would even be a conversation.

That's not what happened, and one can only throw so many punches at a brick wall before drawing back nubs for fists. 

I can't do anything else with this.  I have searched, researched, begged, pleaded, publicized, and it's just not going to happen.

It was a nice dream, though.  I think I've been beyond patient, and should something present itself, I might take a look, but as for relentless pursujt, that's finished.

Thanks for reading my posts and responding to me.  I'll still be around the boards, and I will probably chime in from time to time, letting those who want what I know take it or leave it, as they choose.

Thanks again!

robs477

Thank you for your thoughtful response. 

I guess I'm guilty of "putting all my eggs in one basket", as the saying goes.

This twist to my story was really gut-wrenching for me, and hurt me very deeply.  It was magnified by my difficulty in accepting the label "senior citizen". 

The term represents "The End" for me, and I think it's because I spent the past 15 years caring for my elders, including my Mom, instead of focusing exclusively on my goal, as I had planned.  I was pulled in too many different directions. 

The main thing that's got me upset, is that I always believed people who did the right thing

would come out on top, instead of being run over by a Mack truck, which is how I'm feeling.

Nothing I can do now but sit still, and wait for the next paradigm shift.

Thanks again for responding, and please keep in touch.

That stinks. Getting off disability isn't easy. I was on disability SSD, years ago, I was able to come off it, but it was not an easy to do. I don't know exactly what you are on disability for, or what state you live in, but some states like mine, NY, have an agency to help people on disability to get back to work. I already had a degree and had been working on my masters when I got sick . Normally they only pay towards Bachelor's degrees. They ended up paying for my last 2 classes for my masters and for several computer classes at the local community college. For me it was really a volunteer job that helped open the door. Sometimes you need to make connections so people know who you are. Just food for thought for the future... Good Luck.