I have paralysis from analysis

I am obsessing BIG TIME over my op.  I tend to research things to death, and then I can't make any decisions.  Like, I'm frozen or something because I can't stop picturing how it's going to play out with all the what-if's.  My husband calls it "paralysis by analysis".  LOL. 

I'm revising from a super botched VSG to a re-sleeve with DS.  Originally scheduled for 10/20, my procedure was changed to December because my insurance approval was coming along too slowly and my doctor will be gone a lot in late November.  (he doesn't like to be far away with new post-ops)

My husband is on the road and won't be home for 3 more weeks.  We have a teenager and young kids.  Today, I got a call from my surgeon's office.  My approval came in at 3.30 pm, so we can still get the op done on Monday, 10/20 as originally planned.

Woo Hoo!  But...wait...no!  I'm not worried about the small things.  Kids will be fine, my parents will help out, my dad is driving me 4 hrs to hospital, etc etc etc.  I'm going crazy thinking of...not being able to say goodbye to my husband.  What if I die in surgery?  What if my mother has to raise my kids, since dh's job is 75% travel.  OMG my MOTHER RAISING MY KIDS.  When I calm down enough from thinking about that, I worry about the long term vitamins.  Sure, I'll be compliant with them.  No problem.  I'm in my 30's.  No problem.  I don't forsee issues in my 40's, 50's 60's...nope, none.  But what about in my 70's?  80's?  Can I seriously agree to vitamin compliance for the next FIFTY years???  My oldest kid cannot seriously be tasked with ensuring my vitamin A level is good; I can't rely on him for anything!  If I send him upstairs with clean laundry in hand to put away, he literally forgets what he's doing by the time he's at the top of the stairs.  And no, the stack of clean towels in his arms does not "give him a clue."  Sigh.  What if he puts me in a home for retaliation for all the punishments I haven't given him yet, but no doubt will be doing if he doesn't clean up his fricking act and get his grades out of the toilet?  And what if the home is one of those awful ones that doesn't really take care of you. I'll be malnourished.  Will dear son remember to order bariatric labs for me?  WILL HE EVEN CARE?? 

I'm sure you're wondering, at this point, how I passed the psych eval.  LOL!  I'm not really as bad as all that, but I have to admit, I could use a xanax!  I think it's because it seems so sudden now.  I'm a planner.  I can handle ANYTHING.  But I have to have advance notice, please.  I make lists.  I'm type A. I have so much to get ready by Sunday night.  I'm nervous.  But I believe in the procedure and I believe in my surgeon (though that didn't do me any good last time).  Just looking for some warm fuzzies sent my way!!!

 

ok...what you post is normal, if you werent afraid I would think there would be something wrong with you.  I think about what will happen when I get older too, many times, and I had my thyroid removed so throw that into the mix, and all these vit/min supplements.  this is my thought, the human body really is an amazing thing, in time it will adjust to the trauma the DS caused it, but never be the same.  Do I think I will pass earlier, yes, **** who can take 40+ pills a day when they are 70? If I am put in a nursing home, I know I will die a slow painful death of malnutrition, but seriously...are you thinking your child/children will remind you to take 40 pills a day?  everyday?  our job is to take care of our children, they have their lives, as parents we cant take our children's lives away from them to care for us, just not the natural order of things, my thoughts only, and I wouldnt do that to my children.   but I look at it like for the years before I will have made a great life, live life when you can, and I dont want to live being assisted etc in a nursing home, just a preference.  you cant what if yourself to death, I say do it monday!!!  I will assume you are in your 40's, wouldnt 30 years living healthy be better than 40 years living crappy and MO?  that is the question you have to ask yourself, maybe at 70 it is time for us to go......and that may not be a bad thing....I wish you the best, I know it is hard, no one can decide this but you, let me know how you are doing.  Will say a prayer for speedy recovery from your 10/20 surgery!!!

Your personality is a bit like mine....very analytical, a planner, everything organized by lists. That's ok!

I had five kids at home when I had my DS, two high schoolers and three middle schoolers. For the first time in my life (since children), I put myself first. My care was the most important. I was and still am very diligent about my vites and protein. Amazingly (haha), the family survived without me cooking and cleaning and harping about their grades. Three years later, and "somehow" we all survived and are doing well!

It sounds like you will have some support from your family, despite your husband being gone. That's great! What you are feeling is absolutely normal. Don't worry about things that may never happen. Relax and get excited about what you are doing for YOU! You have more than earned it! Best wishes!

My son was 11 when I had my DS, and he really impressed me with how he stepped out to not only take care of many of his own needs, but how he helped out with chores he'd never done before...like laundry.  He never fathomed it - bit with a little instruction, he was a champ in no time.  Give your son a chance to succeed - he may surprise you.

Well, I figured I probably wouldn't see old age if I didn't fix my weight problem.....

I know the feeling!  Everything is speeding by and magnified.  Try deep breathing or perhaps a nap or an episode of "I dream of Jeannie" or something equally stupid.  You will ground yourself soon one way or the other. 

 

I know most of the specific fears you mentioned were just passing things, but perhaps making some plans around them will get them off your mind.  I think getting into the habit of taking vitamins and finding the right dosages is hard.  But once you get things on automatic re-order it becomes harder NOT to take them.  Also, one thing it seems like all nursing homes will do is shove pills at you.  I might not trust the bad ones to do anything else, but drugging their residents is their top priority.  In 30 years there might even be bariatric nursing homes as the surgery becomes more and more common. 

But the it seems like the root of your fears is about your son.  You are going to be slowed way down after the surgery.  Perhaps you can use this time to really connect to him and see if you can figure out what is happening inside that teenage head.   

 

About every week there seems to be a post that is like yours.  "I'm Freaking about my upcoming surgery!!"  It is really, really normal.  My favorite recommendation is spend some serious time thinking about clothes.  Why?  Because you will be able to happily stress and plan about them for hours and hours and hours.    Within a year you are going to be buying a whole new wardrobe.  What do you want to be your look?  What kind of stores do you want to order from?  http://www.chicos.com?  http://shop.nordstrom.com? http://www.net-a-porter.com? http://www.forever21.com?  http://www.modcloth.com?  http://www.talbots.com? http://www.wetseal.com? http://www.theoutnet.com? http://www.nyandcompany.com? http://www.reitmans.com? http://www.gap.com? (or old navy or banana republic from gap.) https://www.jcrew.com? http://www.rei.com?  http://www.shopbop.com?  http://www.lagarconne.com? ...

I hate to suggest something so trivial to your real fears, but sometimes for me, distraction is the best policy.  I don't even care that much about clothes, but before surgery it worked to keep me distracted. 

 

Good luck!

 

 

Just think how much easier vitamin supplementation will be in 30 years. Your little implanted chip will release just what you need. OK - maybe not
but it could be.  Write this down somewhere so when you kids become responsible adults you can laugh about it.

IT sounds like you have all the "real" things under control. A little ( or a lot ) of panic happens to everybody on their way into surgery. Think about 
the fact that your chances of being there to argue with your kids in 50 years are going to be dramatically better.

Have a safe surgery. We do put a lot of faith in our surgeons, other wise no one would ever have anything done. You'll be done and healing before you know it.

 

Pete