Negative mental effects after dramatic weightloss?

So I didn't really know where exactly this post would fit in. Just hoping to get it out, and ask if people can relate.

Being a morbidly obese teenage girl then young adult, I can't even count how many times I heard the "You've got such a pretty face..." sentiment. I kind of took it as a compliment, then spent most of my time trying to maintain my below the radar approach. I'd be nice to strangers if they made some sort of contact, and smile if I happened to make brief eye contact, while quickly averting my eyes.

I figured being unnoticed was a success and actively avoided people while out and about. I thought I was just really good at it.

Since losing a considerable amount of weight, (starting back to being down 150 pounds, until now being down 195) I've noticed that I wasn't good at staying below the radar. I was simply ignorant to how much people actively avoided me completely.

My outlook hasn't really changed much. My mindset still likes to be undetected in public for the most part. However now, people go out of their way to hold doors, smile at me, make eye contact, and engage in conversation.

When it dawned on me I was so angry, and hurt. Like I'm supposed to suddenly count as a person, and how lucky for me that I now 'deserve' basic human decency. That was quite a few months ago and I still find myself struggling with it.

Does it ever get easier to stop identifyng with your former body, and taking things personally like you did then? Does losing so much weight ever become less of a mindfuck?

This is a great post and something to think about.  You're farther out in your weight loss than I am.  I have noticed that I did some of the same things - like trying to be unnoticed.  Just this weekend,  I was out at a function and I reflected on it afterwards with my husband.  I don't chit-chat very easily anymore.  I don't seem to commit to conversations with people (not close friends/family) and I always seem 'busy'.  Instead, I've figured that it is me trying to remain unnoticed still.  I wasn't busy.  I didn't have things that I needed to do.  I have to get comfortable with myself again somehow.  I think that you summed it up well.  I hope that you find a way that works for you.  Then maybe you can share with us! :)

Take care. :)

I was a life-long fattie and honestly I was taken aback when I realized the extent to which I had been marginalized for my entire life.  I always made excuses for people but when I lost weight the change in the way I was treated was so dramatic I couldn't help but figure it out.  It was like being hit on the side of the head with a 2 by 4.  Angry?  Hell yes.  Furious.

Even today I still ask myself, "Would this person still be my friend, lover, confidante, whatever, if I was still fat?"  Too many times, the answer is no.  But over time I have been forced to the realization that this IS the way of the world and we all judge others unfairly.  There is something wrong with everyone.  Fat is just one of those things that is easy to spot.  You can't cover it up with good makeup or a cute smile.

I can't ask others to be better than me.  I judge too.  Just this morning I noticed on FB an acquaintance changed her status to 'in a relationship'.  Well, this person weighs over 500lbs, is missing a lot of teeth, has huge medical issues and won't even be walking much longer.  Her life keeps getting smaller and small and she lives in denial.  Posting pictures of her younger self doing all the things she can no longer do.  Anyway she posted a picture of her new SO and he appears to be at least 15 years younger than we are and quite attractive.

Now don't get me wrong.  I wish her nothing but good things.  I don't WANT her to be hurt.  But my first thought was, great, he is either a total flake or a homeless bum looking for 3 hots and a cot without going to jail.  A fool and her money are soon parted.  It doesn't even occur to me that he could really be madly in love with her.

THIS makes me as bad as everyone else.

You are one smart cookie and all I can say is you hit it head on as sadly we all judge it just hurts more when we are the ones being judged.  I so wish I could say I did not jump to conclusion but as with yourself and your friend I would find myself questioning things as well.  I hear things from people all the time about a person who is so called fat must be severely depressed assuming that since I am not currently over weight I do not have the problem.  It makes me upset and angry as I think people could be more understanding but then the next thing I know is on another topic matter I am judgmental.  For example I have a very low tolerance for addicts their difficulties and equal to mine or worse and who am I do not have tolerance. 

Sorry I need to start editing my post before I send them............  I meant to say who am I not to have tolerance.  Some thing unfortunate happens which makes me humble and as in life we heal and as we move on from the situation I will be narrow-minded again.  May we all be more open minded.

LIfe is too short to be so bitter.  Human nature is that people are shallow without even knowing it. Being angry doesn't fix what they don't even know they're doing.

Just enjoy the attention now, and go out of your way to set a new example for the next person who is like you -- before.

Good Advice

Hi everyone. This is my first post. Been on here for a few weeks and never posted or replied, but this post struck a nerve and I had to reply. First off..You do have a very pretty face, beautiful actually! I am 55 yrs old and have grown so wise with age! The problem is, nobody gives a F*#@ or cares or wants to listen, LOL…so what good is wisdom! Again…LOL..What I have found is, we all have pluses and minuses to bring to the table, positives and negatives, good and bad, sad and happy. ALL my life, I have been way over 100 lbs overweight, BUT…I am one of those guys who looks in the mirror and see’s a skinny guy!! LOL, Not really, BUT..my point is, I never let my liabilities affect me and have always accented the positive that I can bring to the table. Women have always loved me, beautiful girls too, BECAUSE, I am happy and funny. Guy’s, if you can make a girl laugh, she’s all yours!! This I promise!...But, seriously….100 years from now, if the (Human race survives), and once medical science discovers that obesity is 100% genetic related, we as a society will look back and realize that judgment of fat people was actually the biggest prejudice of our time. Do fat people overeat, YES, MOST of them….BUT so does the skinny guy. And, the skinny guy thinks, “Holy **** I eat all bad food and eat all day and I never gain weight, those fat people must really overeat, why don’t they just cut back”? I LIVE and have lived on 500-600 calories a day for the last 25 yrs and no one believes me. If I go over that, I gain weight. That’s a whole another story and I will post again separately, BUT….I just wanted to respond and tell you to I know exactly what you are saying and also to say PLEASE accept and accentuate your positives, whatever they may be and relish in your deserved beauty and or brains, humor or whatever it may be! You’ve worked hard and you do deserve it!

We have been given insight into this issue because we have lived on both sides.  I think it is our chance now to educate others on the inaccuracy of their attitudes.  Make sure to let people know you were once overweight and that you are no better a person now than you were then.  Make sure to let people know that you do not think poorly of the fat person that others are judging about his/her weight.  Don't laugh at the fat jokes of express disbelief about the size someone has become.  Don't let people make assumptions about someone's mental state based on their weight.  Don't let people make assumptions about someone's eating habits based on their weight. Don't let people make assumptions about people's self control based on their weight. Don't let people make those comments that assume that thinness equals attractiveness and fatness equals unattractiveness.   We are in a position to challenge these attitudes because we are no longer heavy and people will know that we are not just being defensive. This is our gift and we should share what we have learned with others to make the world a better place.  Yes we all judge, but it is helpful to everyone to have their biases pointed out so they can be more self aware. 

People are stupid...Social acceptances are pretty ****** up....

I am a fighter and I have had these same thoughts but I refuse to let those people rain on my parade so I let them fawn over me, open doors and strike up conversations and I forgive and forget. I go on with my life and I am so happy about the things I CAN do now as a thin person that I let it over shadow all that bad karma and little voices in my head. People can be stupid, vain, selfish, rude, and judgmental. We ALL have our faults. I would rather live than let it eat at me. YOU LIVE GIRL! GO LIVE and let it all fall away behind you. Life will be more beautiful.