Frustrated with my son

He keeps eating my protein, yesterday I made ribs, honey garlic and regular ones. I also had bought some garlic sausage(not sure if it is good for me but I eat it with cheese cubes) and everything is pretty well gone this morning. I hate to begrudge him because protein is good for him too. He weights over 400lbs and he is a night binger, he only has one meal during the day, so he is hungry at night. He knows what stuff is mine and he eats it anyway. I know I should make more but it costs a lot of money and I spent $50. dollars yesterday, and all I have left is one steak uncooked and some of the reg. ribs. and some cubes of cheese.

Is there any helpful hints on how to handle this problem?

 

 

You don't say how old your son is (I'm guessing teenage at a minimum) but regardless, at 400 lbs, he needs professional help, far beyond what you, as a loving mother, can offer. Eating excessive amounts of protein is not "good" for him. Unlike you, he absorbs every calorie. And the forms of protein you describe are very fat laden as well, and again, unlike you, he absorbs all of it.

In addition, eating only one meal during the day is unhealthy for anyone and contributes to weight gain, and of course binging at night is also a very unhealthy pattern of eating. So all in all, and setting aside the fact that he knows that food was meant for you and any financial considerations, his problems are very serious.

You asked for helpful hints. I will do more than hint. I will say flat out that your son is unhealthy, that his weight is going to lead to major medical problems if it hasn't already, and that you need to get him to his doctor. And if he's open to the idea of bariatric surgery and mature enough to do the important stuff to stay healthy after bariatric surgery, that would probably help him more than anything else that either you or the medical profession have to offer. This isn't about him eating  the food you prepared for yourself, or how much it costs, it's about saving your son's life.

Larra

I do agree with you and I have suggested surgery and he is not open to it at this time which to is frustrating and I had hoped to convince him to put his name on the surgery list, we have a long waiting list in Canada. And he is 21years old, I can not help him until he wants help, I wish I could.

He doesn't realize how hard his weight is on his body, fatty liver, etc., he seen me at my largest and how hard it was yet I can not convince him.

Well, of course you are right. He is an adult and must make his own decisions, and if he isn't ready to acknowledge that he is destroying his health and not living much of a life, well, he isn't ready. Many of us have various relatives or friends that would benefit from bariatric surgery but who either aren't yet at that point in their thinking or never will be. It's sad, but it is his decision.

I think the best you can do at this point is to avoid being an enabler. Of course you aren't intentionally being an enabler, but preparing the foods you describe and leaving them overnight uneaten is, in his case, enabling. I realize this would be more work, but would suggest buying and preparing just what you need for yourself and consuming it and not leaving leftovers high in calories for him to eat at night. And this may sound extreme, but I'll say it anyway - put a lock on your refrigerator.

Keep in mind also that at age 21, he's an adult, and you are not obligated to let him live in your home, much less eat your food. A small dose of reality, that being that at 400 lbs he would have a tough time taking care of himself in the real world, might go a long way. You are shielding him from that reality. Tough love, my dear, tough love.

Larra

thank you, I am going to try to only make what I can eat in a day, and leave healthier choices for him. I agree that he needs a wake up call. I do to, I provide stuff for him that he should not have, so I am no help. I need to figure out what I should have in the fridge that would be helpful to him instead of harmful and if he choses to bring things into the house that are unhealthy that would be his responsibility. And I would have a clear conscious.

I second everything Larra says. I have two young adult sons so I know how difficult it can be. I would suggest that if it food that you can't easily make in individual servings (ribs), then divide it into single serving sizes and freeze it out of sight. (For meats, don't reheat in the microwave.

Take the temptation away as much as possible. My problem is that after a lifetime of teaching my kids healthy eating, (one is juvenile diabetic), they are developing a taste for fatty foods from my cooking. I am going to have to go back to separatly adding extra fat to my meals on the side.

Good luck with your son. It sounds like does have an eating disorder that needs outside help.

First I would like to tell you it's possible your son has an actual eating disorder. ( most people here do) he needs mental health services. I too suffered from Night binging, still working on it. The most important part is that most likely he feels only eating one meal a day helps him save calories to night eating and the short answer to this is to become aware how this behavior feeds into his binge eating disorder. Look for a day treatment center, often they have a 3 nights a week program it was exteremly helpful for me to see how I could help myself. I felt that keeping the calories saved up for night eating is so wrong. It's important to help him see how he is suffering without knowing it. I thought I was the only one. It's a huge problem in the obese community that no one talks about. Hope that helps.

Hi, Sumundo.  My son does not have an eating disorder, but when he was a teen growing into his 6'5" body, he was insatiable.  My husband liked to save a plate of leftovers to take in his lunch the next day, but the evening refrigerator raids was like a locust plague stripping the fridge bare.  We bought a small refrigerator for our downstairs section of the house, and that worked well.  That also helped us keep the drinks we liked from being sucked down.

 

I don't know if your son would invade your territory to get to your food, but here is one other thought.  One day, while out with friends, my son got a slice of fudge pie for dessert.  I asked for a bite, and he picked up the slice and licked one side of it and held it out with a smart assed grin.  So I took it, licked the OTHER side and handed it back.  We died laughing; we are just weird that way.  So, if you have to, lick your food before putting it away.  :) 

You are not alone. My 24 yr old son does the exact same thing. We tell him my food is special and he can't have it, but in his night binging, it doesn't matter. He has OCD and can't control it. We're working with his psychiatrist to adjust his medicine to get it under control.

If you find something else that works, let me know.