Surgery Less that 2 weeks away and little support

It has been a while since I last posted.  My Birthday is next week (Tuesday), Hooding Ceremony/Graduation (Friday), and DS Surgery the following Wednesday.  I am so excited. 

Yesterday, and today I had mandatory pre-op education and bought my father along with me as my support person.  I knew he had reservations about the procedure, so I felt it would be a great opportunity for him to learn exactly what was going to happen, and after care.  Well... It did not go so well. He was very put off , fidgity, and it was obvious he did not want to be there and still felt it was unnecessary as he says "I just need to quit stuffing my face".  Well today the nurse and program manager kind of put him on the spot by asking if he felt better knowing the information, and he said "I will keep my comments to myself".  To add insult to injury, yesterday when we left the practice he said he was going to have dinner (at one of my favorite spots) and when I asked to go with him he says "...is'nt that what got you in trouble in the first place?". So this morning he walks in to the practice meeting room eating a honey bun.  I thought it was very insensitive being that there were other bariatric patients there, and to me it was disrespectful.  So I am hurt, but it is nothing new with him as he has always berated me and my sisters (mother too) for being fat, and not having any self control.   In all honesty I think some of my eating habits originate with him, and I used food to help me get over the verbal abuse.  Honestly I don't think he sees it as abuse, but encouragement.

I just had to get that off my chest.  Im very upset right now

Awwww, Sweetie..  I'm so sorry he put you through that!!!  One of my counselors told me a joke a long time ago.  How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?  None...  The light bulb as to want to change.

It sounds like your dad is set in his ways of dealing with the overweight people in his life and no amount of education is going to change his outlook.  But you have to put that aside.  You are doing this for YOU and YOUR HEALTH...  not for approval from him or anyone else. You are enough and you are worthy.

Sending you a hug!!!!!

I am sorry. But I do understand, that is why only my husband knows about my surgery, my whole family are unaware. I don't need the lectures. You are not alone. They think it is so simple.  Just do what you gotta do and don't let anyone ruin it.  Don't take anyone who is sarcastic with you, only those who are either silent or even better, understanding. GOOD LUCK.

I don't mean to seem harsh, but maybe you shouldn't include your dad when you go to the hospital.  Maybe a supportive sister or friend might be better.  You don't need his negativity, you want to be ready for surgery and be in the best of mind frames. 

My mom was asking me if I really wanted to go through with it as I was walking to the OR.  She was very supportive after surgery, but she was more afraid before.  If your metabolism is shot, you have less than a 5% chance of losing weight by watching what you eat. 

Happy early Birthday & congrats on graduation!

Yes, I agree with Crazeru.  This is a time to be focused on YOURSELF, and being successful.  Its a time to be EXCITED about your new begining, with your new life starting right around the corner.  Family, or friends that are being negitive shouldnt be in your

thinking right now.  I myself, have never had to deal with family not backing me on this one.  On the other hand when Ive lost alot of weight in the past, I had to hear about how I was TOO SKINNY.  Give me a break!  Really???  The reason Im even telling you this is that the more you are on this site,  the more you hear stories like Mine, and yours.  It really is the NORM in the wieght loss community.  So dont feel alone in this. Unfortunatly its this kind of thinking that alot of over weight people have to put up with.  As if being overweight isnt bad enough....lol  Know that you will be taking the journey, like many others have and everything that your going through is normal.  Remember it can onley get better.  Ive never heard anyone say, " I wish I wouldnt have done it" NEVER....  Even those that have had complications say they would do it again in a heartbeat.  Listen to me talk....  I havent even had surgery yet, mines next month , but I have been researching this everyday since last Sept, and I have learned so much from this site, and a couple others.  Your going to do GREAT!

It's a control/manipulation kind of thing.  It's unkind but people do it all the time.  Diets were a constant topic of discussion in my home growing up.  I still remember announcing, hopefully,  I had lost 5lbs one night at the dinner table.  My Father, with no hesitation, told me a cow never even notices losing 5lbs.  Thanks Dad!

Karma got him though.  He spent his last decade dying an inch at a time from dementia/strokes.  Got me too for all the evil I thought about him.  I got stuck taking care of him.

Hi Calliope,

You sound like a very intelligent and successful young woman. It's very sad to me that your father would choose to focus on the fact that you are overweight rather than the fact that you just completed your education. People sometimes like to focus on someone elses negatives rather than admit than they are less than perfect  themselves. Take this time and do this for you. It won't be easy but well worth it. It sounds like you have plodded thru hard things in the past and been very successful  at overcoming those challenges and you can do this too. Surround yourself with all the positive people you can and make this a good experience. One year from now you will have the world by the tail . It may be hard but stop worrying about what your father thinks. Keep loving him but don't seek his approval. Keep moving forward!

Sharon

Congratulations on your upcoming surgery! You've made a good decision.

Your father isn't going to change. He is confident that he is right and nothing your surgeon or the staff say will change his negative opinion.

Since he's your father, and not just an acquaintance, he will always be a part of your life, but you need to accept that this is who he is, that you can't change him, and that you simply need to continue doing what's best for you and ignore his opinions. It sounds like he has a thing about fat people in general. That is his problem, not yours, and the key for you is to not let him inflict that problem onto you.

YOU know that this isn't about stuffing your face, or lack of discipline. YOU know that this is about your heatlh. If he doesn't get it, refuses to get it, that doesn't matter. It's what YOU know that matters. It's sad, but many parents are not the perfect, supportive parents we would like them to be. Just keep moving forward.

Larra

Okay, so his behavior isn't new to you, so why are you depending on him as a support person?

You can't change people like that, but you CAN prove them wrong, even though they'll never admit it.  You've got your support here.  Let him get you up and down from the chair for a couple of days at home, but from there on, we have your back.

Hi Calliope,

My father, too, was a man who always believed that there's one way to do something - his way. So I know how hard you work to try to please him, and how it feels to always seem to come up short. I was still afraid of my father when I was 40...and he died when I was 36.

Don't let him bring you down...you're doing the right thing for you...we all do this to look better, but the biggest benefit is that we feel SO much better. I'm only 3 months out, and it's already made a world of difference! Being overweight is like taking a hammer to our self esteem...and when you grow up with an impossible to please parent, there's not much self esteem to start with. This is a fantastic step for you to take - it will help you to re-establish your confidence and show your dad that you are your own person. You tell him, "I appreciate you giving me your opinion, but ulitimately I have to do what I feel is best for me". I'm proud of you for making the effort to reach out to him, and involve him in the process.  If he can't accept your decision, it's no longer your problem.You've done all that you can do.

You're a great person, don't forget that. I'll keep you in my prayers!!!