I have been absent because my life is turning upside down!

Hello everyone! I have not died but just have been lurking because that is all that time as given me these past few months.
My husband and I have been under a lot of stress and making big decisions. Our 5 year plan has totally been revamped! Sorry if this gets long but I really really need to vent and get this off my shoulders. I can’t speak to anyone (people IRL) about it because I am sworn to silence till later this year. So I really want to throw it out to you lovely ladies and gents because it’s hard to hold this in and not stress.

My husband and I planned for me to finish RN school and for him to land his PTSD job at the VA. We would be making great money and also trying to start family. We had all our duckies in a row and had our 5 year plan completely lain out. Then my parents offered me to take over the family restaurant in Libby. A very successful business that would make us far more money than both of us combined. I have worked on all the financial angles and pros/cons. Taking this business would change our lives for the best but we have sunk our roots in deep here in Helena. I have done so much research and crunching of numbers that I am completely exhausted. This is a very large life change and I will be doing most of this myself because my husband is horrible about taking his time. When I know something needs to get done I get aggressive in getting it done, my husband on the other hand is a very ‘let’s see how it goes’ (this means just sitting there and letting time pass by waiting for an answer). I am the one doing all the big steps for us. I have a feeling I am going to have to carry all of this on my shoulders while poking and prodding my husband to keep his ass moving. My husband is not lazy; he is just not a go getter or the initiator.

So I will have initiate all this on my own, then my husband will jump in after I organize it all:

Selling the home in Helena
Planning house viewings in Libby
Buying the home in Libby
Organizing our home/getting rid of junk we have accumulated that we don’t want to move
Organizing a moving team either U-Haul/movers or employing family to help
Doing all the math and financial planning
Job hunting for my husband
Trying to find completely new doctors in my area and get them trained (this sucks because I have a great docs already)

These things might not seem like a lot when the list is short like that but they really are a lot of planning and time to do. As you can see I stress and I am wondering if I should get some professional help for my stress while all this is going on?

Anyway life is changing and I can tackle this!

First off, congrats on being able to see all sides of this and recognizing that changes of plans can lead to even great things even if they aren't what you may have dreamed of. It's a huge thing.

Second, a counselor might not be a bad idea namely because you don't have the necessary support RIGHT NOW in person that you need. You may have it later once you can announce but right now, that's not the case. I also see some potential issues with the whole husband's wait and see attitude, while a blessing that he's not frantic this is a huge thing and there should be a bit more "get it-ness" if you know what I mean. But, I don't know you guys at all so that's just a opinion off the cuff based on your comments--so please don't be offended or don't read into anything that is actually with you two if it's not there at all! :)

Third, Woohooo!!! This is exciting stuff! It's a ton of change but, remember your user name when it gets tough. ;)

He really isn't the initiator but he is so helpful with daily stuff. Dishes, cleaning, cooking, dependable, very hard worker, always a provider, spoils me but he has his faults. This is one of his big ones, another big one is he sometimes refuses to talk in depth about our options because I haven't done all the homework already and laid it in front of him already completed. So I have to do all this work to even 'talk' about it lol He has his quirks lol

It's funny because I tend to be the way he is in some ways and my partner is like you. He'll analyze things TO DEATH and it just makes me tired. Hah.

But, they are our partners because we choose them to be. It's times like these that reminds us of our strengths and weaknesses and the things we receive from the people we love. :)

Exactly! We are so similar but the few things we aren't identical we differ so much on lol

Danni...congrats on all you are doing.

As to professional help...I think as long as you have someone to talk to, you will be fine...either in person or online.

Your dh...vet if I remember correctly? Are y'all members of USAA? If not, join, if so...check out the section called Home Circle on the site. Also, get with Mover's Advantage to help at both ends...selling and buying as you can get money back at closing depending on the amount spent.

The nice thing about 5 year plans is you have goals...the not so nice thing is LIFE throws you curves and you just have to roll with it.

As far as moving...check into a PODS type system. PODS is one option but a couple of large moving companies have their own version of the system. (Atlas and United are the two I know of).

We are in the process ourselves...want to be moved by mid Sept at the latest. But can't move before August (we are locked into a lease until then).

Thanks to all our previous moves, decluttering is minimal (this will be move number 14 or 15 in just under 17 years and we stayed in one location for 6 years).

And *I* am the one who usually did most of the work. Up until recently, dh was working. Now he gets to help house hunt (online for now...on the ground starts in June time frame)

Liz

hehe it's funny you mention that!

I have a full plate with everything I plan and I did ask him to look into USAA.... that was 4 years ago. I have asked him repeatedly to look into it and compare because I have heard great things. You know how I mentioned the initiating part... this is a prime example lol

I might have to remind him for the 100th time. lol What motivates him is saving money, so maybe I can really sell that too him. He is a such a penny pincher.

Yeah, saving money usually helps!

This is how much y'all could get back after closing!

Purchase/Sale Price

Cash Back

Buying

Selling

I don't know many people who can't use anywhere from $700 to $3100 dollars back after they close!

I am exactly like you....things need to get done right? So, what does the hubby think about all of this? My hubby is the same way...but it is more of a fear of change and it sounds as if EVERYTHING in your lives will be changed. Take it from me who made a career change at 38 years old owning my own business (Chiropractor for 8 years) and went back to nursing school. the money portion helps yes but I was not happy day in and day out. I found myself depressed thinking I should have gone the other route and thought it was too late. I made those changes because I had to. I felt as though I didn't find myself until I did. I used to dread going into work each andd every day..I really did Danni.....and I had to make myself happy. I didn't want to be 70 years old and say WTF did I do? Why didn't I go after what I truly wanted to do? I work alot of hours now and actually make more money now than I did with my old career. I love going to work every day and LOVE what I do. My dad did not understand why I did what I did but last year I had a heart to heart with him He had no idea how I felt....and he was happy that I did it for myself. Grant it, my family's life was turned all the way around...went down to one income for a family of 4. It hurt but until I got out of nursing school we did what we had to do. And with the love and support that I got from my hubby....it was unconditional. I will pray for you and your hubby. It is alot to take in.....you can do whatever you put your mind to...see...you made it to goal;)

Thank you!

I COMPLETELY know how you feel. It is how I feel working at a desk job. I literally am depressed. This change will get us in the same town has my huge family and make a great living in a small town. I hope my story ends like yours and everything is HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!