This is a bad day

I had my surgery with Dr. Srikanth on Dec 18. At my follow up appt in late Jan I had lost 43 pounds since surgery. I was ecstatic. I say had because today I weighed and I'd gained 10 freaking pounds. I'm at work and all I really want to do is crawl in a hole. I've been fat all my life and feel like I've made a terrible mistake. I started this journey at 462 and lost down to 398 pre-op. Was 353 but now 363. I read the forums for guidance but what I get is "I lost 100 pounds in 3 months.". I'm sick of trying at this point. I put myself through a surgery (my first) because I was desperate--now I'm desperate to undo it. This was a huge mistake because the emotional defeat that I feel right now is unbearable. In sum, I don't know why I'm writing this. I just didn't know what else to do.

I'm so sorry you feel defeated.  It is temporary, though.  Truly.  I'm only 6 months out but can tell you that my weight fluctuates like that.  Sometimes it's because I'm not drinking enough water or eating too much processed meat (salt makes me gain weight) or not eating enough, um, fiber (which, iirc, is hard to do 2-3 months out.

 

Please don't give up!  There are many veteran ds-ers here who can give you more information.  I encourage you to dust yourself off, drink your water, eat/drink your protein, and weigh again in a week.

 

Hugs to you, my friend.

I do appreciate your reply and kind words.  Intellectually I try to tell myself that I'm not working this as hard as I should but it's been difficult to get all the water in because I can only get down about 3 ounces at a time.  I have a gallon jug at work and try to sip during the day but it's hard. 

I do play the "compare" game and shouldn't I realize.  I'll try to regroup but the rub is wanting to get support from the forums and hearing the range of weight loss stories. 

In any event, I'm stuck with this surgery and I'll do the best I can but wonder if I had just continued on my previous weight loss plan if I could have been successful.  I don't know.  Again, thank you for your encouragement.

Honey, you're going to have several ebbs and flows along the way.  My guess is simple water retention...either by way of hormonal or sodium intake....or your body taking a moment to catch a breather and redistribute the weight that was lost.  And just so you know, it took me close to 9 months to lose 100 lbs.  By 3 months, I'd only lost 50, so it took my twice as long to lose the second 50, then another 5 to lose another 45

Thanks for your reply.  I have been battling an erratic period (spotting, stopping, etc).  Clothes are quite loose and people noticing I'm losing weight but it hit me like a ton of bricks with that scale.  I've read that black people and the super morbidly obese take longer to lose but hope that's not true.  I started with a BMI of 62.   My cc is 150 cm so perhaps the weight is coming off more slowly due to this as well.  I trust Dr. Srikanth and his staff and have emailed their office to get some advice as well.

Again, thanks for taking the time to reply.

One tradition I made when I encountered these stalls was to try on new clothes.  It put a positive spin on these cycles because I'd always gone down a size (or 3).  Plus sizes are made with more wiggle room, and we tend to hide behind them as long as we can at first, not realizing how dumpy and ridiculous we look.  Go ahead and try some new clothes on - it just might turn your day around altogether.

Thanks Valerie.  I tried on clothes in my closet over the weekend that I haven't been able to wear for at least 2-3 years and they're baggy.  I'm closer to putting a tray table down on the plane and almost fit into 1 airplane seat.  I've lost 8 inches off my belly so I have some tangible things but for the love of God I wish I were a man.  I hate the hormonal shifts if that's  what's causing this.  Yuck.

Either way - our body continues to change even when the scale doesn't, so it's an easy way to remind yourself that you're making progress in other ways.  I also recommend trying smaller sizes more often.  Not only is it a huge inspiration, but we often hang on to these clothes way too long.  We think we're hiding behind the 'finally' loose draping, but in actuality, we look pretty dumpy and frumpy, which isn't cool either.  It took some good friends to point it out to me, and by my request, they pointed it out to me each time I needed new clothes.  The funny thing about it  -- they were guys!  I worked in a department of mostly men and they were incredibly supportive and kept me on my toes, from the frumpy to the leather skirt and knee-hi boots.

A lot of DSers get a free ride.  You are not one of them and neither am I.  I used to be so totally disgusted I would sit and cry after reading all the posts about people worried about losing too much.  And it seemed like everyone but me was losing 10 lbs a week.  Self hatred is counter productive and it won't help you at all.  You have probably done more than enough of it already.

So lets look at the worst case scenario.  First of all there's no WLS out there that would do more for you than the DS.  You couldn't have made a better choice.  Let's say you ONLY lose down to 250.  Well, if you had done nothing, chances are you would be up to 500 so yes, you did the right thing.

This is not going to be effortless for you.  It is going to be work.  If you want to succeed, you need to redirect your anger towards positive ACTION.  No more excuses or I can't.  Drink your 64oz a day no matter what.  Water, CrystalLite, Koolaide, whatever you want as long as it has no sugar.  Plain mint tea would be great!  Your weight gain is probably related to water retention.  Next get as much fat as possible and close to 120 gr protein per day.  Shakes or food, doesn't matter.  And BTW the liquid in the shakes counts as fluid too.  Eat meat. You are going to have to avoid carbs like the plague to lose.  Read Atkins Induction and do less than 20 gr carbs per day.  Get some ketosticks and test your urine.  Get in ketosis and stay there.  I bet that once you take control of the eating and drinking, you will get a bunch of weight loss in a very short time.  If you do this and still don't drop a lot of weight fast, you need to go back to the doc and ask for help.  Diuretics, maybe.  And you need to take all your supplements all the time.

Last you need to move every day.  Do what you can and do a bit more each day.  Start wherever you need to start and move forward.

I personally know a woman who started out with a higher weight than you who lost all the way down to a normal BMI.  She still posts here every now and then.  And years later she is still 'normal'.  She did better than me.  Here's how she did it.  She did all her supplements and fluids and lived mostly on no carb shakes till the weight was gone.  She ate very little.  She knew from the get go that's what it would take to lose all she needed to lose.  To her, every bite of food she didn't eat was a personal victory.  That's pretty much exactly the way she explained it to me.  After she lost all the weight she ate more food and fewer shakes.  Over time, she figured out what she could eat and maintain her weight.  I think she is close to 10 years out now.  It can be done.  She lost more than 300lbs.

My automatic loss after surgery was exactly 53lbs.  And it took me 9 months to lose that.  I was stalled most of the time.  Every darn pound was work.  But I had to move past the anger and figure out I had to take control of the situation and do whatever I needed to do to lose.  That turned out to be running @ 25 miles a week and less than 10 carbs per day.  10 years later, I gain easily and my weight is always going up and down.  I'm still always on a diet.  Still always trying to lose weight.  Yes, I'm still angry about it and I still wish I had gotten the same free ride as many of the others.  I so wanted to be that delicate flower worried to death I was losing too much as my size 00 jeans fell off my emaciated hips.

Life isn't fair.  Not ever.

It took everything I had this afternoon to go on my usual walk.  The automatic thought was "screw this" and go back to my office and sulk.  Instead I did my walk but all the while thinking "is this going to help".  I joined the local gym and will take my big butt over there after work and get on the treadmill.  Still can't walk more than 1/10th mile without taking a break but it's getting better. 

Intellectually, I know people's bodies are different and I feel you on  your experience.  I follow atkins and once I advance to a full diet I plan on reacquainting myself with my favorite food, fatty steak.    I'll get some ketostix to check the urine.  I may just need to ride out the period and, as you said, drink as much fluid and eat as much protein as possible. 

I appreciate your reply and advice and will try not to wallow.