I got the Blues and I don't mean Insurance...

I know it's silly but I feel down.  I have been losing weight, I don't know how much but I will find out in the morning at my 5 mos post op check up.  I know none of my clothes fit (not even the drawstring one's)  I am feeling down due to woman troubles which I've never had before.  The troubles I mean, not the women.   My  Springer/Povitch lifestyle has finally caught up to me and I find myself sat alone in a corner.  I've over medicated all my life, with food and women.   I am alone now and unsure if I'll ever be "not alone" again.  I have a job I hate, and a life I am not really a part of.  By that I mean I have no friends save for work associates and users that only contact me for what they think they can get out of me.  As that has gone to zero so has the contact which is actually a good thing but...I think it's time to re-create my life and live the life I wanted in my youth.  This one doesn't seem to be worth the price I'm paying so it's time to make life pay my price.   So like a Phoenix I will rise from the ashes of my former self to emerge victoriously.    In the words of the familiar advertising slogan "Watch this Space!"

 

It's a lot more complicated and uglier then that but those details aren't required here, just suffice it to say, (Bud Abbott voice)
"I've been a badddd boy!"

 

Well, if ever there was the perfect time to "reinvent" yourself, this is it!!  You can have any life you want, you just have to reach for it.  I know you can do it, and I know this year is going to be the one where you start toward the new reality.

Good luck and God bless!

I just wanted to say you have been quite an encouragement to me, so I would like to return the favor. I had my surgery years ago and I struggled with all the changes. I had counseling regarding the eating disorder, and self esteem, and things got better. I enjoyed the part when I could actually do stuff again instead of jus****ching others.  I enjoy life overall, so keep in mind,  this to shall pass and you will soar.  Thanks for sharing on here, it is much appreciated by others having struggles.

You ARE reinventing yourself.  The process has already begun.  When the outside changes, the inside has to follow.  No one escapes this process without profound change of one kind or another.  You will discover new bads and goods.  There is no better time than now to analyze yourself and decide who you want to be.  This is the closest to a do-over you will ever get.  Make the best of it.  Be the person you want to be.

Being eternally curious, I have to ask how does one overmedicate with women?  Perhaps that's something I should learn.  The Springer/Povitch statement is intriguing as well.  I immediately jump to the conclusion that you are every Mama's Baby Daddy.  Probably not what you meant.

You remind me a little of an acquaintance who lost 200+ lbs with of all things, the Band.  He's the only person I've ever known who has been successful long term.  He loves his new self but he really misses the 'bigness' of his old life.  He was the life of the party, large and in charge.  That all changed when he had surgery and he couldn't party hearty anymore.  It's his one big regret.  He was a big hit with the women too.  His personality was larger than life.  Somehow he lost his mojo and he feels he is no longer attractive to women as just another average guy.  But being a smart guy, he was bright enough to figure out he overcompensated for being fat by paying for every party.  All those women and great friends were really just there for the party on his dime.  He was and I think still is struggling with the idea of a relationship based on something other than his wallet.  So I did my part and set him up with a stripper.  I don't know if it worked but she was really hot!

You are smart and a critical thinker.  And more than a little rebellious.  Give yourself a chance and some time.  You are bright enough to figure it out.

Not that aspect of it just the drama. Over medicated - I could tell you stories that would outrage and enrage you. As for money. It was easier getting a Catholic Preist off an Altar Boy then it was getting me off my money. I was the life of the party just not the sponsor of the party. I have gotten more spiritual in the last few years and with a lot of people you gotta do their thing to be their friend so since I don't drink, etc, etc, ETC anymore we aren't thick as thieves anymore. I have gotten my childhood dreams back of doing what I love as opposed to doing what I have been doing so I am re-inventing myself. Sadly I had self-esteem issues and propped my self esteem up with one continual conquest.....If I could get the woman then I was a good man and I always got the women. Not a brag in fact a sad statement, I ran through my "3 great ones" and turned them into bad ones. I was the man your mother warned you about or should have anyway. The biggest issue is just being in a state of flux right now. Then again we are always in a state of flux and I'm just realizing that. In the end I know I will emerge from this process a better person and be better for it so I just have to be patient.

Well, I can't offer you much advise. I never changed on the inside, I am the same person I was 110lbs ago. The only thing that has changed is what I can  do physically. I already knew who I was and what I wanted, so I never had this 'moment' where I decided I needed change. So I have no idea how this might feel but just wanted to say good luck and hopefully you come out better at the end of your journey. :)