Awaiting Approval Family Wants Me Fat***

I have finished my pre-reqs I am going with the DS. Through my research i believe its best for me. I am a big woman and I have always thought I was happy. I started soul searching and I decided I want more in life i went back to school full time i started pursuing surgery and getting in touch with my spiritual/emotional/financial growth. My issue is my family, boyfriend and some close friends are all expressing concern about my upcoming (fast approaching) surgery. I'm going through with it because I want it I have plans and I want to be healthy and fit. I think they love the cuddly complacent me and this is a comfort zone issue as well as the fact they really love me. It just bothers my comfort zone also because I.ve been fat all my life and i'm nervous about normal they are stirring my fears. Has anyone experienced this

Consider this. Maybe they don't want you fat, maybe they just have issues with surgery, I say this because I kept everyone in the dark about my surgery. No one even knew until I was in the hospital my first week of my 1.5 month ordeal due to complications. What I suggest is maybe they are scared of losing you, maybe they see nothing "wrong" with you and don't understand why you're having surgery. Maybe they see it as my ex-wife saw it, (the easy way out-lol). Maybe they do prefer you heavy but then again maybe they don't.

I'm gonna go with this.  My family freaked, but it was out of concern that I was having surgery, not what kind of surgery I was having.  Maybe they don't prefer you heavy, they just prefer having you around. 

Who is your doc?  I've never heard of him and I thought I was familiar with most of the DS docs.

You will change post-op, there's no doubt.  Most likely you will be much more active and much less willing to settle for less than you deserve.  And that's probably a good thing.  Somehow, it changes the dynamic of relationships when you are no longer the fattest girl in the room.  Most people hate change.  Good or bad, they are comfortable with things the way they are!

Sounds to me like you are doing this for the right reasons.  Best of luck!

I got mixed reactions from my family and friends as well.  Part of it was out of concern since it is a major life change and some were, I came to realize later, afraid of how it would change our relationships.   Most of them have since rallied around me and are very encouraging.  The token few who weren't I either ignore or choose not to see them.  I was doing this for me and if they can't deal with it then that is their problem...

my family freaked out, but it was because we have a relative that had RNY with several complications and many surgeries to correct those complications.  they were terrified.  No one was against me losing weight, but anything where you "voluntarily" have your intestines rearranged totally freaked them out.  Once I was out and recovered, they were fine.  My mother was the worst, closely followed by my spouse.  He also tried to talk me into a sleeve instead, or doing nothing was fine by him.  He's not a big believer in healthcare, doesn't like doctors at all.  Just let them know you love them no matter what and see how things are once you are recovered.  And I mean recovered, not just out of surgery.  They will be aprehensive until you are back to moving around and acting normal again, and that takes a few weeks.  If they are still being difficult after you complete total recovery, then there are other issues you need to address.

It is probably a mixture of genuine concern for your wellbeing with major surgery, and their own personal concerns regarding how you might change with weight loss and how that will affect them. Patty is right, our weight is one factor in our relationships with others, and there will be some people who are get something out of their relationship with you who will fear losing the comfortable, well known fat friend/relative they now have.

It is possible that some people that you consider to be your friends will no longer be friends when you lose a lot of weight and start doing more and settling for less. That's sad, but it does happen. But consider this - these are people who have put their own welfare and feelings ahead of not just your happiness, but your health.

This isn't about your friends, it's about you. MO is worsening both your health and your quality of life. You have made your decision to do what you need to do to improve your health and quality of life, and others will either get on the bandwagon when they see you happy and be happy for you, or maybe they aren't such good friends after all.

And as Patty asked, who is your surgeon? She and I have both been in the DS community for years and have never heard of him.

Larra

Thank You all for your responses. I saw some truth in all of them. Funny once i made this decision I started seeing and hearing the small ways that I was treated or looked at as the "fat friend/family member and it kind of surprised me.  I am very well treated and respected in my circle but I really paid attention and I realize they see me and treat me as "different"  I ended up seeing that even though they love me to pieces I'm still the fatty I'm just "their Fatty'  Its interesting a little painful and I am eager to change that.

I'm going with the Surgical Team at Mt Sinai in New York City.