telling people

Hi

Was just wondering when you told family/friends that you were going to have the surgery, what was their reaction? Right now the only people that know I am going to have this type of surgery is my husband, my daughter is only 5 and I tried to explaine it to her simply that they were going to fix Mommy's stomach so I can loose weight and would be in the hospital for a few days but then I would be home and able to play with her more...etc. I know some people are going to say oh your taking the easy way out blah blah blah but I am hoping some people are supprotive (sp). We started to tell my sil but got side tracked by something else the other day and never got back to it but we will see them next month. 

My family responded with a mix of concern and forced support, except for my mother.  I had a band that was defective, my mother has one that works.  She really didn't understand my decision to do a DS instead of just replacing my band.  I personally couldn't deal with putting in another implant when the first one didn't last 3 years.  But even though she didn't like the surgery I chose, she still told me it was my decision and supported me.  My husband was the same, he wasn't thrilled with the choice but has been there for it all, couldn't have done it without him since we have 2 kids to chase around. 

The rest of my family I didn't give the full details to . . . not because I feared the response, but I got kind of tired of explaining it over and over.  And I didn't want people to worry about me, so I mostly just said they were taking the band out and doing "something else" and glossed over the specifics.  I found that when I presented it in a nonchalant, breezy manner without too much detail, the family was more comfortable with it.

You aren't required to tell anyone. A good number of WLS patients don't tell others. Some people choose to wait until others broach the subject of your great weight loss.  If you decide to tell, then you will have to hear their feedback.  So pick your audience and pick your time.  There is no rush.

Good luck.

I told a few very close immediate family members. I didn't ask for their permission I just told them. I didn't tell anyone else until after surgery when I was good and ready.

--gina

I am almost 10 years post op and STILL have not told some friends, most coworkers and a few family members. At the time I chose to have surgery, I knew several people who had received very negative feedback when telling others pre-op.  I chose very carefully who I was going to tell.  To the rest, I just said nothing.  Even within my family, only my parents and one of my sisters knew what was happening.  Choosing to have the DS was a very private decision to me.  I needed to keep it as simple as possible as I needed to focus on the surgery, healing and getting healthier.  I did not want others opinions impacting what I felt was the best choice for me.  In the end, I was happy with my decision and I did not need any further complications dealing with angst during an already stressful time.  My suggestion:  choose carefully and take care of yourself first.

Best wishes,
Sharon

I only told my husband and my parents (my dad already had the ds 5 years ago, so they knew what I was getting into).

I "accidentally" told one other person who lectured me about the risks, and didnt I know....I have a family, etc. it reaffirmed my decision to keep it private.

I told my kids I was getting my gall bladder out since I wasnt going to be home.

Later, when the time felt right, I told the rest of the family, then close friends, then acquaintances who asked me privately how I lost so much weight.

I would do it the same way again. No one passes judgement on you AFTER you have already had surgery. The decision to tell or not to tell is yours and yours only. Gladly accept responsibility for it.

I didn't really TELL my parents.  I had my consultation when they were visiting and told them about the outcome of the appointment when I got home.  I didn't sit them down and do a drama thing.  It was more of a "here's what I'm doing and how it's going to work".  Dr. K even gave me a poster to take home lol. 

They were worried, of course.  Hell, *I* was worried.  I hadn't had any type of surgery since I had my tonsils out when I was 4.  My brother and sister had the same reaction...worried, but yay and good luck!

I didn't really have a whole lot of time between my consultation and my surgery to really deal with other people, to be honest (about 3 1/2 weeks from consultation to surgery).  I told a few friends, who apparently told EVERYBODY else.  I have people tell me they're proud of me and whatnot...and I didn't even know they knew.  So far, no "easy way out" morons.  Good thing, cuz I have quite a diatribe to lay down on THOSE people! 

Ultimately, I'm a grownup and have a right to do what I want with my body.  I'm also very stubborn, so everyone I know probably figured out nothing they were going to say was going to change my mind so they might as well accept it.

Good luck sweetie and remember, it's not about THEM.

I could have written the same thing, with just a few tweaks... I had a 6 month period between consult and surgery and I have two sisters... LOL

15 days out and doing great !

The only issue I have had with "people" is 2 coworkers (one 4 weeks post op, the other several years, both RNY) who I feel like want to "compete" and ask personal questions and want to offer condescending advice as if I don't know what I am doing...  Other than that, I have had nothing but outstanding love and support, with the occasional worrisome friends with the best of intentions...

Good luck !  Its great feeling to be on the losing side !!

I do have one hairdresser friend who has a client who did the sleeve.  Every 4 weeks, I get a call telling me that this client is in her chair and do I want any advice, since this client has lost blahblah pounds in blahblah months.  Last call was 95 pounds in 6 months.

I've only lost 38 since my surgery, so this DOES get old.  I finally had to tell her...different surgery, different results, different methods.  There's not really any advice this person can give me!  But I also have to remind myself that this friend is only trying to help.

I'm fairly private about my surgery but its not a secret. My mom flew out from CA to help take care of my kids while I was in the hospital so of course my immediate family knew. It's really nobody else's business and you shouldn't feel obligated to tell anyone you don't want to or who you think won't be supportive.
I started a new job 3 months after my DS and not one person here has commented on my weight loss so far. I don't know if I will go into specifics if they do ask but likely not as I'm not close personal friends with anyone here. But if they asked directly I would tell them as I'm not ashamed of it by any means.
Bottom line, do what makes you personally comfortable.