My Daughter Is Freaking Out & Trying to Interfer with My Surgery!

So I have been doing tons of research on having the DS surgery for quite a long time now.
I have to self-pay because my insurance has an exclusion, so I have looked all over for options to get it done and to get it paid for. I am a faithful Christian so I have prayed for Gods blessings, guidance and provision for this surgery. He has provided all that I have prayed for. Praise the Lord!

After literally years of searching, I finally decided on having my surgery in Mexico with the 2 best surgeons in the country, Dr. Aceves and Dr. Ungson. And my regular doctor has agreed to help give me post-operative care when I get back from surgery. Great, right?

My mother has offered to loan me the money for the surgery becuase I've recently fallen on hard times financially and cannot qualify for a medical loan.

She is also going with me for the surgery. So we have paid the deposit and the surgery has been scheduled (June 2nd) for the last 2 months now.
I have book and paid for round-trip airfare for both of us and I have been following the surgeons pre-op diet for a month. I've lost 20 lbs. and I want to lose 30 more before surgery.

My daughter had the RNY gastric bypass 2 years ago close to where we live. She has state insurance that paid for it in full. Since I have said I was going to Mexico for surgery, she has been against it, but really wouldn't talk to me about it. She won't listen to what research I've done or anything. She's just been stubborn.
So I have just left her alone about it. It's my life, my body, my health, my decision, so I figured she could be angry about it if she wanted to, but it wouldn't change a thing and she will eventually get over it and accept it.

Today she calls me from her surgeons office (I didn't know where she was) and right away she asks me what my regular doctors name was. I thought nothing of it, so I told her.
When I told her, she said she was giving my doctors name to her surgeon because he said he wanted to call my doctor and explain to her the reasons why they refuse to do post-operative care on patients that go outside the country for surgery.
She said he wanted me to come talk to him because he says I am putting myself in mortal danger by going to Mexico for surgery. He said they have self-pay options, and I should have the sleeve or RNY instead of the DS because I'm too big and too sick for the DS surgery.
How does he know? He doesn't know me.

Now my daughter is saying that she will not allow me to go to Mexico for surgery. "Over my dead lifeless body, will I let you do this and get sent home in a damn box." she said.

I told her that I've done my research and I trust the surgeons. That I've spoken with the surgeons and with many patients that have had the surgery with these doctors and they all have nothing bad to say about either one of them. But she will not hear me.

Now I'm afraid she is going to ruin my chances of getting post-operative care near home. I live in southern Wisconsin which is a couple thousand miles away from Mexico.

If anyone has wisdom to share with me, I could sure use it right now.
Thanks,
Carla

You might want to warn your PCP that you've got a child throwing a tantrum...I dunno I sure hope you can turn things around. Her surgeon should be ashamed for even getting in the middle of this. Good luck and please keep us posted.

--gina
 

I put a call into my PCP this morning asking her to call me at her ealiest convenience so we can talk about it.
Thanks for the advice.
Carla

Your PCP is prohibited by law to discuss you or anything about you with anybody, without your consent.  Tell your PCP to please not take a call about you from anyone unless you have authorized it beforehand with a specific person/s.

No doubt your daughter means well, but she is completely out of line here, and so is her surgeon if he makes that call.
     Your pcp, and in fact all your doctors and health providers in the USA, cannot discuss you or your medical concerns/conditions with ANYONE without your consent. It's against HIPAA regulations. They can't even confirm that you are their patient. Contact your pcp and make it clear that you do not want your medical care discussed with this surgeon or with your daughter or with anyone else that YOU personally do not authorize.
      Take control! As you said, it's your life and your body and your decision.

Larra

That is what I thought. I just am trying to diffuse her stress instead of adding fuel to it, so I am trying not to react too strongly. I did call my PCP and am waiting for her to return my call.

I just need to help my daughter realize this is not any more dangerous than when she had her surgery.

I think her fears are elevated because she is about to have a combined hernia repair with panniculectomy and she is afraid that I will not be available to support her if they schedule the surgery while I am having mine.

Thanks for your input.
Carla

I'm not sure of the laws but I would think a well placed phone call to your daughter's surgeon stating that if he decided to get involved in your medical care without having ever seen or talked to you then you would be forced to make a well placed complaint to the AMA and whatever other medical boards he may be a member of.

That is a good suggestion. I may do that.
But I think I need to determine first if he actually said that or if my daughter is stretching the truth a little to try to convince me to not go to Mexico.

I have called my PCP and am waiting to hear back from her.
I think I should try talking to my doctor, instead of hers.

I don't want to feed energy into my daughters opinion, ya know?

Thanks for your input.
Carla

Your daughter is out of line, but she brings up a good point - there are concerns about post-operative treatment in the US for surgeries done outside the US. It's not a risk I would personally take, even though Dr. Aceves and Dr. Ungson are perfectly fine surgeons. That said, did you look into filing an appeal with your insurance provider? Does it not cover any bariatric surgeries, or does it single out the DS? Because if it covers bariatric at all you have grounds to launch an appeal. I would think investigating this route might be worth it given the cost of paying out of pocket.

Yes, I did file an appeal and it got me nowhere.
My employer is a small company with less than 40 employees, so they negotiated weight loss surgery, programs and doctor supervised diets out of the coverage, even for morbid obesity, in order to keep the premiums as low as possible for everyone.
I even approached my employer about changing the policy and they refused.
However, they have given me the time off, with pay, to have the surgery and for recovery in an effort to make up for my inconvenience. They didn't say that to me, but that is my take on it. What they said to me, was they are doing it to show me how much they appreciate me as an employee.
So I cannot fault my employer at this point.

The surgery in Mexico is costing me around $15K and that includes transportation to and from the San Diego airport, motel room for 2 days (1 day before surgery and 1 day after release from the hospital), all expenses for staff, surgery, tests, accommodations for my companion and any costs for complications that may arise while I am there too.
Here in the U.S., the DS surgery starts at $25K and does not include tests, doctors & staff fees, tests, transportation, motel room or accommodations for my companion, much less any costs for complications that may arise while I'm there.

Cost is not the only reason why I chose to go to Mexico, but it is a significant factor.
I have made arrangements to stay a little longer in Mexico so that I can make sure I am well on the road to recovery before traveling so far away from my surgical team and I have arranged post-operative care from my PCP, so I think I've covered my bases.

Thanks for your input though. I do appreciate it very much.
Carla