3 years post op: Happiness, Inner Peace & Contentment & Joy
Happiness, inner peace, & contentment, joy?
I have an inner restlessness. I have an internal void in my heart or mind or soul or brain. I have learned that I cannot fill it with the following; year after year of food, a normal weight, a normal BMI, a size 8 jeans, a size 6 dress, a nice tan, manicured nails, designer clothing. I cannot fill it with; sex, a man, a relationship, romantic love. It cannot be filled with children, mother, father, siblings. It cannot be filled with a 40 hour per week job, a house, a vehicle, or money. It is not satisfied with exercise. The void cannot be filled with a pill to tone down the noise of the restlessness. Books on how to fix it don’t really fix it. I read. I forget.
Dennis Prager says Happiness is a serious problem. I agree. He does not really say how to be happy. He identifies it as a problem. I own 100 books on how to be happy, calming the soul, keeping a quiet heart, victory over darkness, the NIV Bible. I have six books in my cube at work in different locations. I have them scattered about my room and my house.
I prove to be an obsequious partner in a romantic relationship. I have no boundaries. I want to consume my partner and be consumed. I am certain that I have chased off the best man that I have ever known with my overwhelming desires and needs and wants. Maybe, I am co-dependent, maybe a narcissist. Maybe, fear controls me.
I am told that Jesus is the only one that can fill the void. Church cannot fill it. Songs cannot fill it. I turn the music up loud, the sadness is there. I turn it up louder, in futile attempts to drown out the void and sadness and emptiness. A therapist cannot fill it. And, so far a therapist cannot fix it. So far, everything is temporary and a Band-Aid to cover but not heal or fix.
I have insatiable desires. I have unmet needs. I admit my insecurities and my jealousy. I can get no relief from them. Fill them with what? Fill them how? Soothe myself in what manner? I open myself up to criticism and judgment. I will condemn me, with you. Maybe, no realistically; I am ungrateful. I count my losses and not my blessings.
Can I trust God for salvation only but not the rest of my life? Am I doomed to always repeat the patterns of my life? How do I catch the ever elusive contentment, peace, happiness, joy and do it permanently not temporally. What is the permanent solution?
How do I achieve balance, peace, inner contentment, happiness, and joy alone without relying on another person to provide it to me, or food, or booze, or developing an unhealthy dependency?
I have an inner restlessness. I have an internal void in my heart or mind or soul or brain. I have learned that I cannot fill it with the following; year after year of food, a normal weight, a normal BMI, a size 8 jeans, a size 6 dress, a nice tan, manicured nails, designer clothing. I cannot fill it with; sex, a man, a relationship, romantic love. It cannot be filled with children, mother, father, siblings. It cannot be filled with a 40 hour per week job, a house, a vehicle, or money. It is not satisfied with exercise. The void cannot be filled with a pill to tone down the noise of the restlessness. Books on how to fix it don’t really fix it. I read. I forget.
Dennis Prager says Happiness is a serious problem. I agree. He does not really say how to be happy. He identifies it as a problem. I own 100 books on how to be happy, calming the soul, keeping a quiet heart, victory over darkness, the NIV Bible. I have six books in my cube at work in different locations. I have them scattered about my room and my house.
I prove to be an obsequious partner in a romantic relationship. I have no boundaries. I want to consume my partner and be consumed. I am certain that I have chased off the best man that I have ever known with my overwhelming desires and needs and wants. Maybe, I am co-dependent, maybe a narcissist. Maybe, fear controls me.
I am told that Jesus is the only one that can fill the void. Church cannot fill it. Songs cannot fill it. I turn the music up loud, the sadness is there. I turn it up louder, in futile attempts to drown out the void and sadness and emptiness. A therapist cannot fill it. And, so far a therapist cannot fix it. So far, everything is temporary and a Band-Aid to cover but not heal or fix.
I have insatiable desires. I have unmet needs. I admit my insecurities and my jealousy. I can get no relief from them. Fill them with what? Fill them how? Soothe myself in what manner? I open myself up to criticism and judgment. I will condemn me, with you. Maybe, no realistically; I am ungrateful. I count my losses and not my blessings.
Can I trust God for salvation only but not the rest of my life? Am I doomed to always repeat the patterns of my life? How do I catch the ever elusive contentment, peace, happiness, joy and do it permanently not temporally. What is the permanent solution?
How do I achieve balance, peace, inner contentment, happiness, and joy alone without relying on another person to provide it to me, or food, or booze, or developing an unhealthy dependency?
Body by God; alterations by Buchwald. I love Jesus. I so so so appreciate my DS.
I'm sorry, I don't know you but I feel my soul does.
I know not what you have been thru as a child or adult but to me it sounds like you might have Borderline Personality Disorder which has no absolute or complete cure or treatment.
I write from personal experience.
The happiness we seek has to come from within. Books and religion guide and help but ultimately the contentment should come from within.
I would not say I am happy with my life nor am I depressed. I am "stagnant" but sort if content.
I surmise that when others see your post they'll chime in.
I hope I have not offended you by anything I have written-My intentions are only for the best.
Mikimi in Israel
I know not what you have been thru as a child or adult but to me it sounds like you might have Borderline Personality Disorder which has no absolute or complete cure or treatment.
I write from personal experience.
The happiness we seek has to come from within. Books and religion guide and help but ultimately the contentment should come from within.
I would not say I am happy with my life nor am I depressed. I am "stagnant" but sort if content.
I surmise that when others see your post they'll chime in.
I hope I have not offended you by anything I have written-My intentions are only for the best.
Mikimi in Israel
You know what Kitkat? I believe in my heart of hearts that we all struggle on some level with these issues. Some more than others, that is for sure. Genetics, brain chemistry, flesh... I am a born again believer in Jesus. I believe life is a process and a journey. He has saved us for eternity with Him. I do believe that via the Holy Spirit we can find peace and joy in this life, but, it's still an ongoing battle. Some days are better than others, that is for sure. I think of King David and how he wrote the Psalms to sooth his inner battles. Paul wrote that God did not remove the thorn in his side after he asked Him to do so. We cannot know why. God knows. I believe everyday is a trust walk, and His grace is enough in the moment. Not for later, or tomorrow, but in this moment. I have days where I talk to Him all day because I struggle with so many things.
I am sorry you lost a great man. Maybe he was not the one for you? I pray it will become apparent to you soon. Lean on the One Who does know your future, and what He has in store for you. I have a good friend who has struggled with everything you listed. She believed she would never find someone. Time has gone on and found her alone after one bad relationship after another. She had just given up and decided to work on being content at being alone. Which she did achieve. Then, out of the blue, she met someone. They are getting married in Sept. She believed at 47 she would never marry. He is an amazing man, and so right for her. But, I don't think she was ready for him a year ago, but she is now. Timing is everything. I pray for you this day to have peace in your spirit. Hang in there, life is hard. But, good stuff is coming. Trust agaisnst all odds!
I am sorry you lost a great man. Maybe he was not the one for you? I pray it will become apparent to you soon. Lean on the One Who does know your future, and what He has in store for you. I have a good friend who has struggled with everything you listed. She believed she would never find someone. Time has gone on and found her alone after one bad relationship after another. She had just given up and decided to work on being content at being alone. Which she did achieve. Then, out of the blue, she met someone. They are getting married in Sept. She believed at 47 she would never marry. He is an amazing man, and so right for her. But, I don't think she was ready for him a year ago, but she is now. Timing is everything. I pray for you this day to have peace in your spirit. Hang in there, life is hard. But, good stuff is coming. Trust agaisnst all odds!
HW/ 302 SW/287 CW/140 GW/135
Reading between the lines, it does sound like you are experiencing depression. There's a book by Fr John Powell, Happiness is an inside Job. It's a little dated, but the information is still applicable today. There are much better antidepressants out now, which might help. You do have a choice every morning when you wake to make the most of each day. It is your choice whether you will go through the day enjoying the sun, flowers, people, etc. Or you can choose to be miserable. You can look at individual things as either blessings or roadblocks. If you notice that you are getting back into a black mood, think of something that will make you smile. Sing a few bars of of My Favorite Things... 'raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens'... I know it's not that trival, but it takes practice to force yourself to think positive thoughts rather than sad or unhappy thoughts. Everything has to come from within. Allowing Jesus in, helped me after my bout with depression from a wicked divorce.
How is your self-esteem? There another workbook "10 days to self esteem" by Dr David Burns
Prayers for you sweetie.
How is your self-esteem? There another workbook "10 days to self esteem" by Dr David Burns
Prayers for you sweetie.
Chris
HW/225 - 5'1" ~ SW/205/after surgery 215 ~ CW/145~ BMI-25.8~Normal BMI 132 ~DS Dr Rabkin 4/17/08
Plastics in Monterrey - See Group on OH Dr Sauceda Jan 13, 2011
LBL, BL, small thigh lift, arms & a full facelift on 1/17/11 UBL 1/21/13
Love my Body by Sauceda
Tarragon
on 4/6/12 8:20 am, edited 4/6/12 8:21 am
on 4/6/12 8:20 am, edited 4/6/12 8:21 am
You are aware that there is a hole. That's an excellent first step. Many people don't get that far!
The next step is to understand that hole. What is it, really? A need, a craving? But for what? I'm taking wild gusses here, 'cause of course I don't have the good fortune of knowing you: Is the craving for something to sweep you away from reality, so you can completely lose yourself in the experience? That would be a form of escape. Then you have to wonder what you're so desperate to escape from.
You need to focus on the root, the source, what this all stems from. And unless you're some kind os anylitical genius, you are probably going to need some help--a really insightful and objective friend, or a good therapist. I recently found a good therapist and in only two sessions he offered me insights I hadn't been able to figure out for thirty years--and I'm not dumb. I'm in the top three percent in intelligence.
Not all therapists are good, though. I tried several others before finding one who could zero in on the problem quickly.
Believe that you can find relief from this gnawing craving or hunger that's eating you up from the inside out. It will take a lot of introspection, might be a little painful along the way, but it's great when you start to get some insight as to how to bring more balance and ease into your life.
I also like what Crazeru said about antidepressants. Now I don't know whether or not you're depressed, but it sounds like you could be. If you are, antidepressants are worth a try if your doctor suggests them. They are not happy pills, they just take away the awful darkness that holds you down, and let you live, breathe and feel normally again. Don't expect them to work immediately, though, it takes a good six weeks for some of them to take full effect.
The next step is to understand that hole. What is it, really? A need, a craving? But for what? I'm taking wild gusses here, 'cause of course I don't have the good fortune of knowing you: Is the craving for something to sweep you away from reality, so you can completely lose yourself in the experience? That would be a form of escape. Then you have to wonder what you're so desperate to escape from.
You need to focus on the root, the source, what this all stems from. And unless you're some kind os anylitical genius, you are probably going to need some help--a really insightful and objective friend, or a good therapist. I recently found a good therapist and in only two sessions he offered me insights I hadn't been able to figure out for thirty years--and I'm not dumb. I'm in the top three percent in intelligence.
Not all therapists are good, though. I tried several others before finding one who could zero in on the problem quickly.
Believe that you can find relief from this gnawing craving or hunger that's eating you up from the inside out. It will take a lot of introspection, might be a little painful along the way, but it's great when you start to get some insight as to how to bring more balance and ease into your life.
I also like what Crazeru said about antidepressants. Now I don't know whether or not you're depressed, but it sounds like you could be. If you are, antidepressants are worth a try if your doctor suggests them. They are not happy pills, they just take away the awful darkness that holds you down, and let you live, breathe and feel normally again. Don't expect them to work immediately, though, it takes a good six weeks for some of them to take full effect.
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