STOP!!! Trying to "Talk Me Out Of Surgery" !!!!
I know what you mean. I haven 't told everyone yet about my decision to get surgery and I have been trying to get surgery since 2008. I told my grandma, niece, husband and 2 uncles so far and come from a big family. I am actually surprised I don't get comments from others because in my family you tell one person and everyone suddenly knows your business lol. My grandma keeps asking me am I sure I want to do this. I know she just worries about me. I mentioned something on facebook before and suddenly everyone was giving me advice on how I just needed to exercise more or just try some protein shake diet , etc. I still get texts from people saying stuff like that.
I am not even sure how supportive my husband is. At first I thought he was on board but then he makes comments on if I am sure I want to do this or why don't I just try this diet? And other times he even says why don't you just get the rny? Not because it is an rny but because its the only dr in the network kind of thing. But then I let him read my appeal letter for the DS which explained what it was and why it was better for me and now he seems as excited about it as me, asking me if I've heard from the insurance yet and what I am going to do next lol.
So I think these people mean well with their advice but alot of it is ignorance with the surgery. They try talking us out of it, claiming to know better than we do, when in reality they know nothing about it and have never walked in our shoes. It really bugs me when people claim it is the easy way out, too. If they walked in my shoes, they'd be trying to get it covered yesterday as well.
I am not even sure how supportive my husband is. At first I thought he was on board but then he makes comments on if I am sure I want to do this or why don't I just try this diet? And other times he even says why don't you just get the rny? Not because it is an rny but because its the only dr in the network kind of thing. But then I let him read my appeal letter for the DS which explained what it was and why it was better for me and now he seems as excited about it as me, asking me if I've heard from the insurance yet and what I am going to do next lol.
So I think these people mean well with their advice but alot of it is ignorance with the surgery. They try talking us out of it, claiming to know better than we do, when in reality they know nothing about it and have never walked in our shoes. It really bugs me when people claim it is the easy way out, too. If they walked in my shoes, they'd be trying to get it covered yesterday as well.
I have told pretty much everyone, and when questioned pre-op, I answered:
"In statistics published by the NIH, only 5% of Morbidly Obese individuals who diet and exercise to lose weight can maintain that weightloss at 5 years. I wouldn't lay a bet on 5% odds in Vegas, why would I gamble like that with my life? WLS offers the only reliable way for someone who is morbidly obese or super morbidly obese to not only lose weight but to keep it off for life. If you have better information than the National Institute of Health, I'll certainly consider it in my decision making process; however, my research suggests that the benefits far outweigh the potential risks."
Everyone has an uncle Ernie or aunt helga who had some sort of WLS horror story (crap-band, stomach stapling, etc) just like everyone knows someone who had a godawful pregnancy/delivery story they're more than happy to tell to mother's-to-be. Water off a ducks back.
"In statistics published by the NIH, only 5% of Morbidly Obese individuals who diet and exercise to lose weight can maintain that weightloss at 5 years. I wouldn't lay a bet on 5% odds in Vegas, why would I gamble like that with my life? WLS offers the only reliable way for someone who is morbidly obese or super morbidly obese to not only lose weight but to keep it off for life. If you have better information than the National Institute of Health, I'll certainly consider it in my decision making process; however, my research suggests that the benefits far outweigh the potential risks."
Everyone has an uncle Ernie or aunt helga who had some sort of WLS horror story (crap-band, stomach stapling, etc) just like everyone knows someone who had a godawful pregnancy/delivery story they're more than happy to tell to mother's-to-be. Water off a ducks back.
Carolyn (32 lbs lost Pre-op) HW: 291, SW: 259, GW: 129.5, CW: 126.4
Age: 45, Height: 5'2 1/4" , Stretch Goal: 122 
I think you are doing great to stick with your descision.
Years ago, when I was first pursuing this surgery, I told my dad's wife. She did pretty good until I explained the surgery. Then she got scared. Having most of your stomach removed is a scary thing. But she never tried to talk me out of it. She just loves me and I scared her.
When I told my parents that I got a date for surgery, she was excited. I told her how to research the surgery.
I have reached the age of my mother when she died. So now when I get unwanted well meaning advice, I just say my mom was 47 when she died. I am 47. My son is 7. He deserves to have his mom around.
I am the one in the family always doing things differently. So I am used to people trying to change my mind. So now, most people don't even try.
Everyone is different. But for me, I find standing up for what I want and know I need to do only makes me more determined. Which will be great on surgery day. When my friends hear someone try to talk me out of it, they become even more supportive.
It can get tiring sometimes. But in the end, I am even more determined I am doing the right thing.
If I know what I am doing is right, I can become very stubborn. So this will help me on surgery day. Everyone is different.
When I was young, my dad told me if I really believed in something, I should do it, even if it made him mad. Because it was my life and I was the one who had to live it.
I have always loved that advise. It is your life, and you are the one that lives with the results. You are making a choice to improve you life and health. Your sticking to it, even though people are trying to talk you out of it. You are determined and you are going to do great!
Years ago, when I was first pursuing this surgery, I told my dad's wife. She did pretty good until I explained the surgery. Then she got scared. Having most of your stomach removed is a scary thing. But she never tried to talk me out of it. She just loves me and I scared her.
When I told my parents that I got a date for surgery, she was excited. I told her how to research the surgery.
I have reached the age of my mother when she died. So now when I get unwanted well meaning advice, I just say my mom was 47 when she died. I am 47. My son is 7. He deserves to have his mom around.
I am the one in the family always doing things differently. So I am used to people trying to change my mind. So now, most people don't even try.
Everyone is different. But for me, I find standing up for what I want and know I need to do only makes me more determined. Which will be great on surgery day. When my friends hear someone try to talk me out of it, they become even more supportive.
It can get tiring sometimes. But in the end, I am even more determined I am doing the right thing.
If I know what I am doing is right, I can become very stubborn. So this will help me on surgery day. Everyone is different.
When I was young, my dad told me if I really believed in something, I should do it, even if it made him mad. Because it was my life and I was the one who had to live it.
I have always loved that advise. It is your life, and you are the one that lives with the results. You are making a choice to improve you life and health. Your sticking to it, even though people are trying to talk you out of it. You are determined and you are going to do great!
Not being funny, but you have to watch what you tell people - especially on FB. Clicking a button has made the word "friend" really cheap. Are any of these people offering to come take care of you or make sure your family is straight while you're down? More importantly, is anything they are saying gonna make you lose the weight or be imporatnt 5 years form now? Then keep it moving! I understand your frustration but I also overstand this: just like they can't control your decisions about your body and what's best for it - you don't get to control their reactions and opinions once you WILLINGLY give them the information. Everybody that says they''re your friend isn't - and part of THEIR psychosis maybe to keep YOU fat so they feel good about themselves! ("Well I'm jacked up but at least Im not as big as so and so"). Not always good to let the left hand know what the right hand is doing
I agree with everything you said! And the whole "cheap" friend thing, it's like if you are friends on FB, then it MUST be friendship pffft!
I cannot control their reactions or their comments, I definitely appreciate the concerns people show, I really do, but their mis-information is what builds a wall between us and the facts. Everyone knows someone who knows someone that died, had terrible complications, gained all their weight, and all that.
At this point, I feel I have exhausted all of my other options, and for now, this is THE BEST option for ME.
At least I can come here for support, and I really appreciate it !!!!!
Thank yOU!
I cannot control their reactions or their comments, I definitely appreciate the concerns people show, I really do, but their mis-information is what builds a wall between us and the facts. Everyone knows someone who knows someone that died, had terrible complications, gained all their weight, and all that.
At this point, I feel I have exhausted all of my other options, and for now, this is THE BEST option for ME.
At least I can come here for support, and I really appreciate it !!!!!
Thank yOU!
I am a happy Dr. Kemmeter patient as well!! I didn't tell anyone before my surgery for that reason. There are too many people who don't believe in it, or think we are stupid or lazy for getting the surgery. WHATEVER!!! Its YOUR decision. YOU have to live in your body. There are risks with being obese and there are risks during and after surgery. You just need to know what is best for you to live with.
Since I never told anyone but a few select people before surgery, I was quite amazing by the responses after I did have surgery. Everyone has been pretty wonderful with the except of an asshole or 2. I do tell everyone now, so that I can help people when making a choice on what surgery is best for them or at least telling someone my story. This surgery isn't perfect and certainly not an easy way out. But overall, its a pretty damn good surgery!!!
Since I never told anyone but a few select people before surgery, I was quite amazing by the responses after I did have surgery. Everyone has been pretty wonderful with the except of an asshole or 2. I do tell everyone now, so that I can help people when making a choice on what surgery is best for them or at least telling someone my story. This surgery isn't perfect and certainly not an easy way out. But overall, its a pretty damn good surgery!!!
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