Lost almost 150 lbs but still the insecure fat girl in my head

Wow you guys.  So to celebrate my weight loss, my work gave me a card signed by a lot of people and $150 gift card to go clothes shopping (people donated, the company didn't pay for it). 

The card was full of "you are such an inspiriation" and "you are amazing" notes.  I'm overwhelmed by this.  First of all, I'm SO lucky to not run into negativity regarding my choice to have surgery.  But what is most overwhelming is that I still am the 460lb fat girl in my head.  Me, inspirational?  That can't be possible.  Me, attractive?  That definitely isn't possible.

Anyone else run into weird mind games of your own making after losing a lot of weight?  I know it's fairly common to have an adjustment period when you go down so much.  I just wasn't prepared for HOW DIFFERENT I would feel.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy, but I have to admit I'm not quite comfortable with all the praise.  I'm just not used to it.

I knew y'all would understand.

Yes, I can relate. I have lost a total of 205 lbs and am now 1lbs from being underweight, ( It won't stop coming off another long story) and all I still see if the fat girl I once was while I have everyone telling me how my legs are just bones, and how Im too thin or how I look great blah blah blah... I still see the fat me. Don't get me wrong I can see the weight loss too but I don't see what everyone else does. Just saying.... And just for you that read this and think wow she needs help lol I;m way ahead of ya, I am in counseling :-)

Glad to hear you are getting help, but I have a friend who is in a similar situation.  She had an RNY but she's lost TOO much weight and can't gain any back.  Who would have ever thought that we fatties would have trouble gaining weight?  LOL.

Yeah it is crazy! I went from one total extreme to the total opposite extreme. I have to eat so many carbs and calories along with anything else I can get in just to slow the weight loss down. I eat things I would have gained 20lbs in a couple days in just a day now. I feel like I have to eat crappy just to keep the weight on. I think I am goind to go total health eating, maybe vegan or I'm not sure yet maybe that is my problem other than the fact that food just plain freakin hurts like hell to eat, it makes me nauses sometimes, and makes me throw up on any given day for no real reason since I had eaten the same exact thing or way the day before.... Yeah I'm not in the norm with this at all :-( Just dont know what to do about it anymore, my surgeon just blows me off and tells me its a fair trade off don;t I think......he doesnt see a problem with my weight, however my pp is so concerned how low my weight is....

Anyways, back to you. You are doing amazinglywell and you will see a whole new you, it is weird getting used to all the nice things people say and all the compliments, but it is nice to see other people are noticing your great feats!!! Keep up your wonderful work!!!

One more thing, don't buy clothes yet!! I wasted so much money on brand new highly expensive clothes I can't even wear now!! A couple grand I wasted. Wait until you are about a year out, most of the time weight loss stables out by then. Wait until you are fairlysure you are not going to lose much more with in 10 lbs.

I try not to visit my mind too often as it's a scary place to be. *lol* I understand exactly where you're coming from...I'm the obese woman trapped in a thin woman's body. Just enjoy your freedom from obesity and all will settle down soon enough and you'll just be another hot chick with a banging bod! Woot!

Congrats you have done a phenomenal job with your weight loss.  Your mind has to catch up with your body.  We have all been so overweight for so long we got used to seeing our "former" fat self.  Just embrace how you feel now that you have lost a "person", no more aches and pains and the best is yet to come.

Continue to rock your DS!

Frankie

Wow first of all I am almost right in the same zone as you I had my surgery in August and I have lost 150 too! It is not easy when you spend most of your life not receiving positive words about your appearance.

What a great person you must be to have your coworkers celebrate with you (or for you. That is just amazing.)  Just shows what a great support system you have too! That is awesome.

I have never been good at compliments and a good friend of mine said to me

"just say "thank you" until you are ready to accept the compliments fully -it is the only way to be polite.  Almost everyone who gives a compliment does so in the spirit of love, so all you can do, until you are ready, is accept it in love is say "thank you"  with a smile- at the very least."

I had no idea I was coming off rude because I didn't know how to accept a compliment.  Isn't that interesting. He went on to add that he thought I was guarded because I would tend to think people were making fun of me instead of being genuine and he added "when a compliment is not genuine you will know, and you can throw a polite "thank you" back at them with no smile." LOL

Now go spend your $150 on yourself! 
JJ

Thanks for all your comments and advice.  I'm not buying a bunch of new clothes because I'm still in a size 26/28.  However, I am finding more and more things at the thrift stores now so that is a cheap alterntaive.  Plus a lot of people have given me their "fat" clothes or clothes they out grew, so I'm pretty much covered down through a size 18.

I think I'll use the $150 to buy some decent shoes, maybe some jewelry, or get a mani/pedi!  :)