***Tuesday Bites, Vites & Exercites*** Early

 I'm having a "small tummy day" while I still have a fresh tummy. No real drive to eat, so I am forcing everything in. Hasn't been good for my intake today. Neither was the errands I ran for a good portion of the day. 

Bites:
From breakfast until afternoon, I munched on a scoop of chicken salad in 1/2 an avocado...ate the whole thing eventually though with no tummy trouble.

5 Lil Cheddar Smokies

1oz peppermint cream cheese on water crackers

1/8 cup green chili with sprinkle of cheese and tsp of sour cream

I am now regarding my last 20oz of water with much distain, but will get it in before bed. I'm going to add a Nectar to some of it so I can have a boost on my protein intake that has STUNK today. 

Vites:
All morning, all evening, bedtime meds pending (missed lunch bunch, which is calcium and niacin). 

Learning I need to have a better back up plan for when I am out and about. I'll be sticking cheese in my purse from now on. Take a shake to go. Something more than I did today. 

You're probably eating more than I was at your stage. You're doing fine and that chicken salad with avocado is a great choice. Nice variety in your Bites.

I'm so tired. This is my last post on anything. I've been doing nothing but crocheting since 6 a.m. this morning. I just stopped about an hour ago. My right hand is cramped and so sore. I forgot to take every single pill today, even my daily perscription meds along with my vitamins. I'm stressed and literally feel like I am coming apart at the seams. I have *this* much money and * T  H  I  S * many people to get or give gifts too. Crafting is only going to do so much.  There is hardly any food in the house too which makes eating protein rather problematic. Right now my life is pretty sucky. I keep trying to listen to Christmas music to try to get into the spirt and mood of things, but all it does is make me so sad I end up crying. I'm chewing Xanax like candy. All I want to do is escape. I try to remember that others have it worse, but it doesn't seem to help. Thanks so much to Gina for the beautiful (and warm) winter coat she sent to me otherwise I would be without one for the winter. It was and is a real blessing.  Ok, I'm done being Miserable Maddie and heading to bed. The Xanax pill has taken effect.

Bites:
Egg omlet with cheese and sauteed onions
Bowl of spagheti bow tie pasta with a couple chunks of sauteed chicken breast
2 grilled cheese sandwiches (thin wheat - but not whole wheat, bread)
A smal bowl of dark meat chicken with some gravy, a couple spoonfuls of stuffing and some corn.
A small handful of Ghirardelli bittersweet chocolate.

This is the first time I have ever heard my stomach growl. I'm just not hungry, but I guess I am because my stomach is rumbling for food. . Looks like a lot of food, but the amounts were small, except for the sammy.

Vites:
Morning - not done
Calcium - not done
Iron - not done

Exercise
Just the 30 trips up our ridiculously steep stairs to the bathroom because I've been drinking coffee all day.

Awww...Maddie, I'm glad the coat works for you.

I hope you're not trying to over achieve on the Christmas gifts. I think people who know and love you understand your situation. Buy your protein and vitamins, don't worry about buying more things for gifts. I hate to see you stressing about trying to give to everyone but yourself.

If I could just get a freaking job I think that all or most of my issues regarding money and stress would reduce in great amounts.

I am on Celexa for mood stablization, which has worked some, but I started that about a year ago. I don't know if I need more or not. I bought some St. John's Wort and just started taking that, but it's like six pills a day. I am starting with two. I have to find out if it works with Celexa. I am at this point where I'm thinking about going on rescue meds like Prozac. Weight gain is a deal breaker though so I will not take anything that has that side effect. Funny...weight gain vs. mental health.... For me, weight gain is just a deal breaker. This is the first time in my life where the clothes I bought the year before still fit a year later. I want that to be like that for a long time.

I'm not trying to over achieve, I'm just trying to make Christmas nice for everyone, but mosty for myself. I know that I do put too much stress on myself during the holidays. I remember one year, when I was working I spent a lot of time and money on all these gifts that I gave to the kids and at the end when everything was opened my (step)son said to my husband (though he didn't realize that it was me who financed all the gifts) "so you couldn't afford to get me the XYZ gift?"  I about punched his lights out.  I couldn't believe he even said it considering I had spent around $3000 on gifts for family and extended family. That was the last year I did a huge Maddie Christmas. I cut down the outgo by half whi*****luded stocking stuffers. I saw that I was trying to give my step kids the kind of Christmas's I always had, but it was just a greedfest for them. This year I'm trying to focus on other things, but I'm really having a hard time because in the past I have had about $1500 for gifts. This year I have about $600 and that has to gift 10 people (only family members). I love stocking stuffers, but this year I cannot even afford to do that.  I'm just tired which I know exacerbates my depression and stress.

Anyway....I cannot tell you how much I really appreciate the coat. I used it this past weekend because it was cold here and I was so warm. I even got a couple of compliments on the coat, which was nice as well. :)  I know I have said it before, but thank you.

Maddie

Oh Maddie. I'm so sorry you are having a difficult time.
A friend recently reminded me that even if I don't have money for *things* a true gift is a gift of myself. Maybe you can offer babysitting services, festive cookie mix in a jar that the recipeient only has to add oil and egg to for homemade cookie batter, dinner and a movie at home wherein the recipient just relaxes while you cook and then clean, etc. I know it isn't the same as a gift, but if they are loved ones they should understand and appreciate that you are doing what you can at this point in your life. (as for you stepson, I think I'd be sure that he NEVER got another gift from me again.)
Have you thought about going to Dollar stores and assembling a small gift basket for those in your life that reflects their own unique personality? Go to a thrift store, get some cheapie baskets, and then fill with inexpensive goodies. Sometimes it really is the thought that counts.

By the way, I love your handmade gifts. Don't knock yourself down - you are awesome.

Kim

ETA: Don't know if you get the "relish" section in your Wednesday paper with the grocery ads, but if so you could check it out for some other gift ideas. I just noticed it when I was looking through the paper in search of meat on sale. AND per Gail, the Dungeness crab season has finally started! Railey's has it on sale for $3.49 / #!!!