Amuse me, my lovlies!
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Puzzled but willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I ask. "They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies. I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your ass, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again one day. Stupid, stupid man.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Puzzled but willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I ask. "They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies. I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your ass, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again one day. Stupid, stupid man.
It's a quiet day in the Ice Cream Shoppe when a lady walks in.
Hi, she says brightly, I'd just like a small dish of chocolate ice cream!
The counter clerk apologizes and says "I'm afraid we are all out of chocolate"
Oh, she pouts. Well, do you have waffle cones?
"Yes, ma'am"
OK, I'll have one of those with a scoop of chocolate.
"Um, ma'am, I'm really very sorry but we haven't any chocolate"
Just a small scoop is OK. With sprinkles.
"There is no chocolate at all"
Well, phooey. How about a hot fudge sundae? Can you put marshmallow on it as well? With extra cherries. But no nuts. And make it with chocolate ice cream.
"Ma'am," the clerk says very calmly and slowly, "Do you see the 'van' in vanilla? "
Yes
"Do you see the 'straw' in strawberry?"
Well, yes.
"Do you see the 'fuck' in chocolate?"
There's no **** in chocolate!
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!!!"
Hi, she says brightly, I'd just like a small dish of chocolate ice cream!
The counter clerk apologizes and says "I'm afraid we are all out of chocolate"
Oh, she pouts. Well, do you have waffle cones?
"Yes, ma'am"
OK, I'll have one of those with a scoop of chocolate.
"Um, ma'am, I'm really very sorry but we haven't any chocolate"
Just a small scoop is OK. With sprinkles.
"There is no chocolate at all"
Well, phooey. How about a hot fudge sundae? Can you put marshmallow on it as well? With extra cherries. But no nuts. And make it with chocolate ice cream.
"Ma'am," the clerk says very calmly and slowly, "Do you see the 'van' in vanilla? "
Yes
"Do you see the 'straw' in strawberry?"
Well, yes.
"Do you see the 'fuck' in chocolate?"
There's no **** in chocolate!
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!!!"
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