*Long* Unsupportive Spouse

When **** rolls, it rolls downhill to me.  Last Tuesday, I had a "female" surgery to basically stop my heavy bleeding (a D&C with endometrial ablation).  My husband came to pick me up-he had dropped me off, and went to work for a few hours while I was asleep for the procedure.  And when he came to pick me up, from the time I called him to come & get me, because he works 1/2 hour away from the hospital where I had my procedure...... my pain had went from a 5-6 to a 10!!!!  I was hanging on to the gurney for dear life and the tears were just rolling out of my eyes, and I was shaking SOOOO bad & since I had no orders for pain meds, cause this procedure was supposed to be just mild cramping (hey, I cannot control how my body responded!!) the nurse had to put in a call tot he doc, wait for the doc to call back & get an order for a pain med to give me.  Right after I received my pain meds, my husband shows up & no husband likes his wife to be in pain.

I had my hearing last Wednesday, and on Thursday the lawyer from the secondary insurance called me personally to tell me that as it stood, my claim was being denied, but..... the Board had decided that the Independent Medical Reviews were somewhat clouding the issue, and so, the Board want my claim to go out to another Independent Medical Review.... and have the reviewer "throw out" my previous RNY from 2002, and base my claim on the medical necessity only.  I still have my feet on the ground, but there is HOPE!!!  Because when I saw Dr. Keshishian in March of 2011, my BMI was 40.6, along with diagnosed sleep apnea.


So, I brought up the possibility of revision surgery to my husband, because this whole time he has been supportive, and hen would be unsupportive.  So, instead of having friction with him.  I just have not talked to him about it, and life has been getting better for us.  (We were really having a very rocky time back in September).  But now we are in marriage counseling with out pastor.  And I have been attending a church group on Monday nights, which has been giving me the nurturing I desperately needed.  Anyways, his reply was VERY unsupportive.  Hello?  WHAT a jerk.  I have been at this for nearly 3 years, and he is  supportive one time, and the next he is not?  This IS THE REASON why I have not sat down & just discussed this with him.  Because, I think the number one thing in his mind is that he does not want to see me in pain.  And honestly, I just do not want to fight, or have friction.  If by some awesome miracle, I am approved, I will be flying down to California and having my revision.  I have family there.  And my husband can just wait for me to fly home to Alaska.  Friction or not, If I am approved, I will not just lay down and let my husband try and get me to not have surgery.  No way in Hell, after all of the fighting, and emotions, and time will I give UP on this life changing surgery.  NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really, my quality of life stinks.  I feel like I am on the "outside" looking in.  Just "existing" from one day to the next. 

And to top it off, my job dropped the bomb shell that my hours will be cut from 40 hour work week to 20 hour work week for my position.  And no benefits (I will have a different type of health insurance for the first quarter of 2012 due to my hours works in the last quarter of 2011).  So, we will be having financial strain, and my options are 1. to "bump" someone here at my job, if I qualify -- I have to re-test for the position that I put in for.  2. to apply for an in-house position, if one is posted, and again, I have to re-test for that position.  3. keep my 20 hour work week & try to make it work financially, or go find extra income.  And January in Alaska is a VERY ****TY time of year to find anything.  UUGGGHHH.
Since my quality of life stinks, I have no to low self esteem, so I struggle with this bombshell from work & having the confidence in myself to bid on another position out of fear of rejection.


Any of this sound familiar to anyone?????


Sorry to dump this on everyone, but this is my life today.  And I am hopeful for the future.



Hugs, prayers and positive replys accepted here!!!!!!!
-Jamie

p.s. it was 14 below yesterday & 1 below this morning, with wind in the forecast..... YUCK!!!!

 Hang in there.  Time will pass, but in the meantime, try and find some joy.  I will share with you that when I am having a very down time, I keep a gratitude journal.  Everyday, you have to right in one thing you are grateful for.  As crappy as things may seem. it can always be worse.  For the most part, if you and your family are all safe and healthy, you have so much right there!  Look for other possibilities.  Perhaps, there are other things you have never considered before, or dared to?

And, I have had a few procedures myself in the uterine department, and have always struggled with heavy bleeding.  I am always amazed at how docs act like it will be fine, but honestly, if you touch my uterus, I am going through the ceiling in pain!!!!  Then they act like no one else has had that experience, and you are a freak.  Glad it's over for you!  Hang in there.  What is meant to be, is meant to be.  You sound like your are struggeling with depression, and could benefit from a scrip.  Do you have a counselor/PCP that could help you in this department?  

I'm guessing you are a person of faith based on what you wrote.  Find something to read in that department that is uplifting!  

Thank you for the positive thoughts, and you are so right about being thankful for a healthy loving family!!!!!!  My mom came back from Hawaii quite unexpected, and so now we will get to have Thanksgiving as a whole family.  So, yes I do have LOTS to be thankful for!!!!!

I am on an anti-depressant & it is working well, I have recently switched & it is LOTS better than what I was on.  Just cannot help sometimes about feeling bummed out.  That is just emotions.  Thankfully they will pass.




-Jamie

 

I am sorry you are going through this {{HUGS}}!!! You are going through so much right now and hope it gets easier for you soon. You have come so far- don’t give up hope.   And yes, sounds familiar to me. Our husbands must be long lost brothers because mine is the same way. I broke my foot 10 days ago (so painful!) and cannot do much for myself for a couple weeks (makes caring for a baby very difficult and I am relying on my family for help). Now he is having doubts about me having surgery (because we would have to go through this all again) . Yesterday he told me that we would submit to insurance and if I get denied then no appeals- we will take it as a sign that’s it’s not for me (uhh NO!)… So I *hope* I will get approved otherwise we’re going to have friction because I will appeal.
Thinking of you. Lulu  

Lulu,

Looks like we can relate to the husband mentality!!!!  Hope you are back on both feet VERY soon!!!!  Kiss you beautiful baby & know that this life changing surgery will not only benefit YOU, but your baby and hubby as well!!!!!!




-Jamie

 Maybe I'm a *****   Maybe I was a single parent for too many years and learned to call my own shots, or maybe I'm just selfish.   Truly though, if I had a spouse that was unsupportive of my attempt to improve my health and appearance, increase my quality of life and prolong the amount of time I remain on this earth, I'd tell him to get f******.         This is for YOU.    

Good luck.  I know you've been fighting for this for a long time.

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Are you seeing a therapist on your own? I don't mean your pastor, or with your husband...you need to be in individual therapy with a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist. I think you would find it very helpful....and really sounds like you need it.