OT life sucks (may be long)

last ttuesday we got a phone call at 4:30 am we got a phone call that my husbands aunt had been taken to the er. some of you may remember me talking about her before. for the last 11 years i have been taking care of her. in january we had to put her in a nursing home for extensive rehad and while i recovered from my hernia repair. 6 weeks later the nursing home said she was ready to come home and i had clearance from my surgeon to take care of her myself. she was home for a few hours and we realized that she definitely was not ready to be home as she couldnt even get back and forth to the bathroom even with her walker. we tried to take her to the er but she collapsed on the way out the door and we had to call 911. she was then admitted to a different nursing home with the plan of her rehabbing and coming home. a month ago she was transferred to a geriatric hospital as she was getting worse instead of better. after a little less than 3 weeks the hospital sent her back to the nursing home saying there was nothing they could do for her. so last week we get this phone call. before we can get everything situated at home to be able to get to the er we get a phone call from the er. the er tells us she isnt breathing well on her own and want to know if it is ok for them to put in a breathing tube. we said they could. when we get to the hospital she isin a comatose state.  they tried everything they could but she wasnt getting any better. they put in a feeding tube. they transferred her from icu to ccu. they told us there was nothing more they could do and we should consider letting them remove the breathing tube.we decided on friday that she nor our family needed to have the inevitable prolonged and we let them remove the breathing tube. they told us she had a few days max and we checked in on her frequently all weekend.we went and saw her monday. she was awake but could only acknowledge we were there by lightly squeezing our hands. she could not speak or move otherwise.  tueday afternoon at 2:45 pm we got the call that we had minutes to a few hours to get the family together to say goodbye. by the time we got to the hospital she was already gone. she was more of a mom to my husband than his own mother so he has been taking it very hard. we had power of attorney so all the final expenses and arrangements are on us. we have no savings. i am on disability. my husband has had to take a few days off of work to deal with the hospital, nursing home and funeral arrangements. today i get home and my electricity has been turned off because the electric company says i didnt pay the bill. i faxed them confirmation that the bill was paid and they still wouldnt turn it back on. they said they would have to "find" the payment before they would turn it back on which would take 1-2 business days. i had to come up with $350 dollars before 5 or i would have electric till monday at the earliest. so we had to take the $350 out of our rent money. now i have no clue how i am going to come up with the rent money. to top it all off, we jsut realized that our thermostat is broken and so our heat wont work. the soonest i can get ahold of the landlord is tomorrow so we are without heat for the night. i am ready to just give up. i cant take any more. i dont want to eat. i am struggling to get in my meds and supplement. the soonest i can get in to see my therapist is thursday. i am lucky i still know my name. as if all that isnt enough, i am still having complications from my panniculectomy back in july. i dont know what to do!!!!!

i don't have any words of wisdom, but it will get better.   try to have a little faith that it will.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Don't give up on the financial stuff or on yourself. Things WILL work out.

Larra

I'm sorry for your loss.

As for the other stuff - please, take a step back and breathe for a moment.  It's mostly about money, and really, much of it is cash flow and paperwork and timing that will sort itself out in a few days.  Try to look at it as an annoyance, rather than a real crisis.  No electricity?  Pretend you're camping (and some people in the Northeast are dealing with that for a week now because of the storm!).  The thermostat is the landlord's problem and expense, not yours - he HAS to fix it, and in the meantime, warm blankets should help because at least you're indoors and not sleeping outside, like people had to do for time immemorial.

When multiple things are piling up on you, each new annoyance can feel like an insurmountable crisis.  I have found when my life gets like that - and it has, many times - I resort to my crisis mantra to keep things in perspective.  Mine is "nobody has leukemia."  I don't know where I got it from, and I don't know what I would resort to if someone actually DID get really sick, but that one works for me.

As for not eating or taking care of yourself, I will repeat what I said a few days ago: you know how when the flight attendents go through their safety stuff before the plane takes off, and say that if the oxygen masks come down, and you are responsible for someone else like a child, put YOUR mask on first, and then help the other person?  That is because if YOU aren't OK, you can't help anyone else, so you need to take care of yourself FIRST!  So, take care of yourself FIRST, because otherwise, you will end up not only being unable to help anyone else, but also being an additional burden on others.

This too shall pass.  Take care of yourself and try to find something to smile about.

I'm so sorry all this is going on right now. I am truly sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts. Please take care of yourself. Things will get better and you need to be healthy. HUGS to you sweetie! We're here if you need to talk.


Ruby

I'm sorry for your stress...but...having power of attorney for someone does not obligate you to pay their burial costs with YOUR money.

How would this be handled if she didn't have you?  Then handle it that way. 

You WOULD BE expected to pay those costs out of HER MONEY, if she has any.  But you are NOT expected to pay them out of YOUR money.

You need a roof over your head...before almost anything else.  I know you're grieving, but focus on priorities.

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. Life can be hard, but please try to remember God never puts more on us than we can bear. If you have already used your rent money, talk to your landlord, most will take the funeral into consideration and let you catch up next month. You still need to take care of yourself, not just for your family but for you. If you don't feel like eating at least drink a protein drink and take your medicine. Take of yourself and you are in my prayers.
Marianna