OMG...6 month diet is over, going to insurance

 I'm torn between thinking I'm having a panic attack, or an actual heart attack.  I have COPD, but I'm like REALLY short of breath right now.  Just got word that the surgeons office has got my last diet sheet......OMG...am I REALLY going to do this?

(taking a deep breath, hooked up to the O2, popped a valium) Ok, so I know I need this, I know I want to live longer, I hate diabetes and it hates me, this surgery makes wayyy more sense than the others, but all I can think about, as I'm sure most of you did, is, AM I GONNA DIE?  

MAJOR PANIC ATTACK....all of a suddent his seems a little too real to me.  You have to understand...I've been lurking on and off of here for years....thought having WLS was bull, then intrigued by it, then researched it, then got told have it or else, made peace with it (I thought), tried to scare myself away....you name it, I've done it.  Now here I stand.  I'm scared ****less.  I'm 44, 322 lbs(yayyy...lost a WHOLE pound in a month), COPD, diabetic, CHF, mental as hell.......what the devil do I know?  I mean....the body is a marvelous work.  The way it performs....we were designed like this for a reason, and I'm wanting to have all of this reworked?  LIke maybe I know more than God or something?  

I need someone to tell me how this surgery relates to a c-section.  That's the ONLY surgery I've ever had, and I was 100 lbs lighter, 20 years younger, and a helluva lot more healthy than I am now.  Yeah...I know I can ask my surgeon.  But he's a doc, and they aren't the one who will be ASLEEP and under the knife.  The whole being "knocked out" thing worries me to death.  At least if I was awake, I'd FEEL like I had a little control, whether it's a fools hope or not.  I'd feel that way.

I know it's all going to be a pain in my butt afterwards, I know I'll have "buyer's remorse", my **** will stink worse, I may have horrible gas......NONE of that post op stuff worries me, because I know it will pass.  I'm just worried about surviving the surgery PERIOD.  The whole anesthesia thing.  I'm not looking for anyone to hold my hand or sugarcoat ****I'm normally a strong woman (with mental issues), but right now I'm a quivering ball of mush.  

Ok....got some of it off my chest.  I'm sorry to have a public panic attack, but I just got the email and it sent me over the edge.  I'll go and lie in the corner and slobber on myself for a bit now....

Twyla- You are just about my favoritest chick around.  You remind me of someone who would be in my family, and I mean that in a good way.  Quit worrying about dying woman, aren't you already doing that?! When are you gonna do what you really want to do? How long have you been waiting? Get out of your corner and let some of us stand in it, rooting for you all the way til you're over safely and soundly on the Dark Side.

 Did I mention I have alot of medication for extreme worry and anxiety?  I'm a chronic worrier....it's stupid, and I know it, but I do it anyway.  If someone on this forum is worried and mentions it on here....I worry for them.  Yes, I do see a shrink for it..hehe  

You can have the corner for a few days when I'm done with it...LOLOL    I'm calming down some now.  When are you going for yours?  I can promise you, I'm the poster child for WLS Chicken ****z Inc.  I've had 3 c sections, and I used to pass out every time they showed me a needle.

BTW.....you're a cool chicka yourself.....

 Twyla, Hugs first of all.  Congrats on finishing your six month diet thing..its such a pain to have to jump through all those hoops.

I felt *exactly* how you did about being afraid of the actual surgery and not really about the recovery. I was terrified I would be one of that very small percentage that doesn't make it off the table. The psych in Dr Sudan's office had me doing deep breathing exercises. Really concentrating on breathing deep and allowing my body to relax because, like you, I was working myself into panic attacks. It is a big deal to take on this surgery but the odds are with you. 

Girl it will be great to have you on the bench :D

Deep breaths...

Jodi

If you picked a good surgeon you will have a less than 1% chance of dying. You'll be fine. Also, that is so exciting! Yaaay!

 The reality of it finally happening for you is setting in and getting in a panic is pretty normal. Take a few deep breaths! You are dying a slow death right now. I watched my father do that with his diabetes and then heart condition and it was not pretty. You are making a decision to prolong your life. That's a GOOD thing! As mentioned above, choosing a vetted surgeon puts you at a very low risk of dying on the table. I am excited for you and keep hanging here close and your fears will ease in time.

You have done everything you need to do. Listen, as far as dying, you should be more concerned when you get in the car to get to the hospital!

Yeah, when you wake up you will be sore. Every time you get out of bed, or back in, it's gonna hurt but you can do it. The more you walk the stronger and better you will feel. Sip and walk and stay close to the vets on this board.

You are going to do great!

 Ahem....I have now relaxed a little.  Still kinda in a "panicky" mode, looking up stuff I've looked up a zillion times....but I have a HORRIBLE memory, and when I'm nervous, I'm like stuck in DUHHHHHH gear and can barely speak plain.  When my boys had to go to court when they were younger, they'd always tell me to take my valium before I walked into the court room.....when I'm calm, I can think and articulate clearly, but nervous?  FORGET IT.

Do they let you take your nerve meds before surgery?  I can just see my big ass going into panic mode and doing a spider man thing across the ceiling to escape.  LOL

I'm overwhelming myself is what the problem is.  I learned this by playing about 3 hours worth of a mindless time management game.  Makes for good thinking time.  If someone knows the links for the protein shake samples...point me in that direction.

I've researched my surgeon....bugged the devil out of several people (btw, if you're reading this....THANK YOU), he's listed as a DS surgeon on dsfacts.com, I'm a virgin DS (at least I can claim "virgin" something...LOL),   I'm taking deep breaths....I'm chilling on facebook on my farm,  feeling a little better....Just still kinda stunned feeling.    Like this happened really quick or something...

You all are invited to my BIG panic attack party when they set my surgery date.....God help us all!  Thanks for the support guys...ya'll are great!

LOL!  You'll be too sedated and anesthetized to be in a panic.  Not that Im prejudced or anything, but I think you've picked a great surgeon.  My friend is having the sleeve on 11/7 by him and I'm still trying to wrangle a referral "something" from the bugger.  Cash,  a waiver of my co-pay, a pen from a vendor...

Twyla,
Being anxious and nervous is pretty normal. For me, the fear of anesthesia is loss of control issues. Think about what your life will be without diabetes and COPD.

You can order protein powder samples from Vitalady. It's not worth buying the big tubs of powder before surgery because your tastes will change.