Let the cat out of the bag???

This has been on my mind a lot and I am sure most of you have come across the same issue.

Sorry if this is long but its bothering me.

I have recently let the cat out of the bag with my parents, siblings, and in-laws (yes them, because I love them so much). I wrote them all a long long letter describing the surgery and all the details I could muster inside the letter. They all are very supportive and just want what is best for me. I am relieved they are behind me 100% and I can’t thank them enough. I also told them to keep this letter to themselves. So far they have remained tight lipped.

With that said, just to give you all the 4-1-1, my family is HUGE! My mom’s side is mostly loud, obnoxious, and sometimes rude women. Not all are like that but… the majority is. On my father’s side is a more reserved and jovial family.  Both sides are very large and I have tons of cousins. I really don’t want to be judged by my family with my decision… I am afraid to tell them and I really don’t want to! I just don’t want the drama! At the same time is it right to keep this from them and to tell my close relatives to keep my secrets? It seems either way I look it just doesn’t feel right. I have no idea how to approach this… I could totally own my surgery and tell everyone under the sun. I just don’t want the looks they will give me or the unending comments. I love my family but some I can only take in very small doses. There is no way of cutting one part out either we do everything together… we look like a circu**** town! They are going to notice my weight loss and if they don’t know I had surgery, they will ask me how I am doing it. Do I lie?

I am a patient, kind and non drama girl but…. I am also raised with a bit of crazy lol If you mess with me enough I will put you in the dirt. Or maybe that’s a Montana Girl thing? lol either way haha

So I would really appreciate anyone’s opinions on this subject or how they handled it.

PS
co-workers as well? no idea how to do that either!?

I think I would go with that small circle you've listed at first and expand who you tell once you're further out.  At this point you don't need the drama and when you feel comfortable telling this one or that one, the word will spread like magic. 

Some relationships may change and you'll just have to deal with it when it comes. There's not really a good way to soften the information for those that are going to be negative. Let them be negative and you enjoy your successes.

Hang tough.

--gina

You are under no obligation to tell anyone about your surgery, or any other health concern. Esp not anyone who is loud and/or obnoxious, however closely related or lovable they may be. No need to feel guilty, it's entirely up to you. Likewise, they are not obligated to tell YOU anything about their health, financial status, sex life, etc. 
    
Larra

I didnt have to worry about the family stuff as both my hubbys family and mine are small.

BUT work has been a HUGE issue for me. Ive work in a smaller school for the last 10 years and we all are fairly close. All the people in the office i work in are my friends with outside of work. So for me to go out for 6 weeks with no reason just wouldnt have worked.

I did tell anyone but my mother and 2 best friends what i was doing til after i got my surgery date. Then i slowly told people in my office. Only a handful of people know but 90% of them have been super supportive and exctied for me and the other 10% have been supportive even if they dont complete understand why im doing this.

The problem i run into is as i try turn my office over to a sub there is a lot of stuff i have to finish up and remind people to do while im gone. Well then they what to know where im going! So i plan to put out a very basic intraoffice email to everyone that states very simply that i will be out and that im have DS surgery.

This works for me because i see how supportive people have been, im usually a pretty open book and if anyone has anything bad to say to me i will have no problem with telling them to get bent:)

I hope it all works out for you! Good Luck!

 I am struggling with this too..but have already decided I will not tell my parents until after surgery, they are 2000 miles away, we do not see each other on a regular basis and my mom thrives on drama.  If i do not want my 30 cousins and all my aunts an uncles to know, I cannot tell my mom, because she will turn it into a crisis.  I have already told a close circle of friends and a cousin, but I do not want any people  who do not fully comprehend the surgery, why I need to do it, etc etc, to raise any other doubts or make me question my decision.  If i go through it or not I want it to be completely my decision (with my hubbys blessing, but he is supportive either way).

Ultimately, who you decide to share with or not is your decision only,  not everyones family and support system is the same.


good luck.

You don't owe anyone any explanations.  Period.  Your information is a gift to them, and it sounds like some of them don't deserve the gift of your information. 

I've been very closelipped about my surgery.  I'm not ashamed of having had surgery.  However, my medical health information is no one's business but mine.  And sharing that information with another is a gift - I know I've used that word three times already, but it is really how I view it.  I have only shared my surgery with those I felt might benefit from the knowledge.   

And believe me, once someone knows - you can't ever take it back, no matter how much you might wish you hadn't shared.  For that reason alone I would advise extreme caution in sharing with those you already know are going to be potentially judgemental.

I didn't want to deal with the questions during my weight loss - 'should you eat that', 'how long do you think your weight loss will last', blah blah blah.  I'm so private and reserved I just don't want to answer personal questions like that, and keeping my surgery on the down low avoided those questions.  I've had a few people ask how much I've lost, and I answer, "Enough".  If they push, I ask them "Why?  how much are YOU trying to lose?".  I usually don't get any more questions after that.  haha.

When they ask how you're losing weight, tell them you're following a modified primal diet, and then start talking about cutting the processed carbs out of your diet until their eyes start to glaze over.  If you're boring and exacting enough, they WILL lose interest in the conversation.  And most DS'ers do eat in a way similar to a primal diet, in case you should happen to run into someone familiar with it.  So it's not a lie, either.  Just not the whole truth, and I think I've covered that I don't feel you owe anyone an explanation.  :)

And also, you owe your co-workers absolutely NO information, and I would tell you not to share with them.  Modified primal diet, blah blah blah.

My neighbors call me the dangerous neighbor lady because I usually have a homemade (crustless) cheesecake in my fridge.  I just smile - I don't owe them an explanation either.  I don't gloat, nor am I smug about what they perceive as my ability to eat 'anything', but they have no idea what I've gone through to bring me to this point, and I feel no need to justifiy my newfound dietary freedom to anyone.

I have a small family *****spect me.  I told them all.  All where supportive.  I have a small group of friends I told them, they where supportive.  My husbands large family was another story.  I only told one close sister in law and her husband.  They where supportive and agreeded to keep it under wraps.  They ageeded it was know ones business, and the "family" would be wild with opinions I didn't need to deal with.   I will tell them in time.  My time and my way. 
What surprised me was the way my neighbors acted.  I got home from the hospital to find that a couple of older ladies in the area had brought my husband meals and apple pies while I was in the hospital.  They left them with notes they hoped I was on the  mend.  Maybe I should be annoyed that they knew I was in the hospital.  But I wasn't I was really touched.  I told them what I had had done and they where like Wow!  They offered encouragement and support.  The same with my daughters bus driver.  She noticed I was home more than normal and wanted to make sure I was okay.  I was touched again. 
I guess what I am saying is most people have good hearts.  You will know the ones who don't.  I guess I had a sense who to share with and who to not.  I am overwhelmed with the support my friends and family have shown.  Try and see the good in people. 

I know you don't owe anyone information, but if you don't tell relatives and they find out later, you might get some attitude. For that reason I told some cousins who I knew would tell others. I decided I don't care what they say to each other. One thing, though--as near as I can tell none of them is willing to read a webpage for more into.
I waited until after the surgery to tell anyone other than really close family--so I wouldn't get any negativity as I went into surgery.
I've had some weird questions passed from cousin to aunt to my mom to me--they don't ask me directly. I haven't had any negative feedback, except that they don't believe my blood sugar is now controlled.

Dani, you've let the cat out of the bag hon. You no longer control who gets the news. Get used to it.

That's the bottom line. People will talk, including or perhaps especially family members.

Coworkers? That's a different ball of wax. Make that particular decision very, VERY carefully because it will have ENORMOUS ramifications.

Thank you all for your opinions. It has eased my mind that everything, regardless of how the cat is let out, that it will be just fine. You all have made me make up my mind finally and I feel very relieved.

TY ALL

I contacted the family members that know I am having WLS and let them know what to say when people ask. Granted this is not the whole truth but it is not a lie either. I have decided to tell everyone I am having surgery for my inherited endocrine and metabolic disorders (which is true). If they ask what the surgery name is I will just tell them, “It’s a long surgical name and I don’t remember." If they say, “Wow you have lost a lot of weight, how is that?" Then I will explain, “My surgery reset me and allows my body to lose weight like a normal person. I am also on a high protein/low carb diet." Also if they ask, “Why do you take so many pills?" I will simply answer, “It’s because of my surgery, and these vitamins keep my body on an even keel."

I will also stick to this with my co-workers if they ask me. This will keep them off my back with tons of questions.

I do trust my parents, in-laws and siblings not to say anything. It’s the reason why they are the only ones that know. Thank the Lord they are not like my other family members where word would travel so fast, that the speed of light would have no comparison.  

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!