I buried a friend last week.

 Prayers going up for her and her family.

I thought afterward about the many people who pass through this forum convinced that there is nothing worse than being fat.

Yeah folks, there are worse things than being fat.

You all know there is nobody more anti-diet and pro-surgery than I am. But surgery is NOT for everyone.

There is such a thing as wrong timing for surgery.

There is such a thing as wrong motivation for surgery.

There is such a thing as not being smart enough to have surgery.

There is such a thing as being too messed up in the head to have surgery.
________________

So true, EN.  I'm sorry for your loss. 

I'm sure this post will help some who are struggling (both preop and postop).  WLS is not risk-free.  We have to be willing to accept the complications along with the successes.  There is absolutely no substitute postoperatively for self-advocacy (i.e. no spoon-feeding allowed).  Anyone unwilling or unable needs to walk away.     

 

oh my gosh, what a loss, such suffering, to the friends, family, those children.  May all find some peace in family and friends.  she is now finally no longer suffering....

If some preops read this and it slows them down from their headlong plunge to HAWT THINNESS at any price, it will have served its purpose.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Knowledge is power and sometimes, that isn't enough. The best way to enter any WLS is to have the odds stacked in your favor by having the knowledge of surgery, having a vetted surgeon, having a support system (I'm an advocate of continuing therapy after WLS) and being aware of your body's signals.

Gentle hugs to you!
Ratkity

I'm so very sorry for your loss, and for the loss to her family.

Thank you for posting this. We see so many people who are truly desparate, so much so that that will dive headlong into ANY wls with ANY  surgeon in ANY  location rather than learning more, fighting insurance, saving up for however long it takes, getting emotional issues stabilized, etc. And assuming that should anything go wrong, they can maintain a passive role and just let the docs fix it.
      Not every complication can be fixed, even by the best of doctors. And being passive about post-op needs is a recipe for disaster. And getting the quickest/cheapest/ most convenient/quickest recovery and back to work/smallest scars operation is completely missing the point of the surgery. It's all about health and quality of life, and if you don't put some time and thought into understanding the surgery, the post-op requirements, and WHY you are doing this, and your own role in maintaining good health and making the operation work for you, well, you aren't going to be very happy with your results.

Larra

sorry about your loss
 
I truely respect the vets oppinion here... Kinda wondering what would be an example of bad timing? I get the other points but trying to be clear on the bad timing part...

Let's see, examples of bad timing, in no particular order, and I don't remember who all cited them, but they come from things I've seen on OH:

"My surgery HAS to happen during my summer break from school. And it HAS to be in June because I'm going out of country on a mission trip in mid August. What do you mean I won't be able to stay hydrated while climbing mountains in that equatorial land where I'll be bringing the Gospel and I should wait if the missions trip is so important to me?! I don't WANNA wait!!!!!"

"I'm a single parent and I have seventeen children under the age of nine at home. I can only spend one night in the hospital and I have to be able to take care of my bedridden 125-pound nine-year-old no more than ten days postop. What do you mean I should wait until the kids are older to do this? I don't WANNA wait!!!!!"

"I HAVE to have surgery within the next five days because I'm getting married in March and I HAVE to fit in my dream dress and it will only look good in a size two! What do you mean I won't look good in a strapless mini gown by then? I promise I'll lift weights five hours a day every single day from the time I get out of the recovery room so I won't have ANY loose skin."

My favorite one from the educational group with my first surgeon back in 2002: "My husband is deployed and I have four kids at home. He will be back right before school starts. But I can't POSSIBLY postpone my surgery because I am going on a cruise in July. I've had it booked for a year and I am NOT canceling it. What do you mean reschedule my surgery? Hell no I'm not waiting a MINUTE longer for my sugery?"

Then, later in the program, as we were hearing about early postop diet requirements: "What do you mean I won't be able to eat solid food and I have to eat portions that will fit in that little Dixie cup? I'm going on a cruise and I'm going to EAT!! Nobody told me I wouldn't be able to EAT!!"

(She got bumped and might have eventually gone to another surgeon. That surgeon didn't mess around with idiots. I got bumped from his program when I was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension. It's a terrific, but brutally expensive, program.) 

Or it might be when you have not quite enough money to cover the surgery and not a fricking penny for followup, so you just HAVE to go against all the advice everyone gives you and try to save two grand by going to a butcher instead of waiting a year for ANOTHER tax refund and going to the REAL DS surgeon. Then when you nearly die twelve times over, you go begging for money online.

There are lots of examples of poor timing.

This gives me a lot to think about.... a gr8 bpost indeed. I am a true single mom and this post made me think. I think a lot of times pre opter's get so caught up in all the requirments and tests they forget the things you mentioned, which are very important. Thanks for the eye opener.