Is this OK? I can eat more at 8 wks out?

Yup.

Well said.  Yes I hear you.  I did start counseling for myself on Wed. this week and will attemp to get him to join me.  If he won't try for us (21 years) then I don't need him anymore.

Thanks for the tough love.
Sherry

You need to get SEPARATED before you even begin to consider counseling together. He has to behave properly while separated, which means NO MORE VIOLENCE, whether verbal or physical. He has to respect a boundary of separtion as well. Otherwise there is no reason trying to get him to go to counseling.

Bottom line requirements for any shred of hope for therapy:

1. You two get space/distance from each other. RIGHT NOW.
2. He ceases and desists from any kind of coercive, inappropriate or abusive behavior.
3. He respects physical distance, meaning he stays the hell AWAY from you.
4. You and he get started SEPARATELY in a therapy process.
5. MAYBE you and he come together for couples therapy.

This process almost never works. Once an abuser, always an abuser. Anyone who breaks that cycle is so rare as to be almost miraculous.

GET OUT AND GET SAFE.

They ALWAYS apologize and whine and beg. It's part of the abuse cycle. It's a manipulation. He doesn't give a **** about anybody but himself, and he prefers the bottle to you. That's how it works. (Yes, I realize I'm oversimplifying, but this is bottom line we're talking here.)

You deserve so much better than this. But the only one who can get you to safety is YOU.

You probably never DID need him.

But I am not being an alarmist when I mention that some men CANNOT HANDLE having a wife who is attractive to other men.  And those men get NUTS...violently NUTS...when some poor sucker opens a door for THEIR wife and even more violent when she smiles and says "Thank you" to the poor *******

If your guy is violent...to a woman *****cently had surgery...BEFORE that attention starts, you are in real danger.  You need to call a domestic violence counseling place right away and get him out of the house.  And clear you browser history if you look those places up online, so that he doesn't know wht you've been reading.

  First of all a "WIFE" is a precious jewel and should be treated like one, she should be honored and cherished by her husband at all times without judgment and always in love. She should be showered with affection not guilt or resentment and NEVER EVER with physical abuse. I would love to "MEET"  this hubby of yours and see how he likes being physically abused, I can't tolerate abusive husbands.
  Your DS is fine, some days I can eat as much as I want and other days a couple bites and I'm full, You are doing great with your DS. Please protect yourself from harm and guard your heart.

For fradcliff:     

 
For sherryatlarge:    Is there any way you can have a 3rd party "come and help you out" while you are healing?  If DH is feeling put upon (or whatever) it would be great to have support from someone... plus have a buffer around until you get stronger.  If he is really weirded out, maybe you go stay with a helper for a little bit until you can sort it all out?  This shoving when you're so soon out of surgery is really  l - o - w . . .  Don't hesitate to get outta there if you feel things are too iffy....

Thanks fradcliff. 

I once dreamed of being treated like a precious jewel and then begain to believe that was only in fairtail books.

I'm missing something for sure. 

But yae for me because I'm not going to be so fat and helpless anymore.

Thank you everyone.  I love the raw truth.  It's time for me to hear it.  As I read, I hear myself saying "yes, that's right".

And I am tired of walking on eggshells so someone else can be in charge of me.

Sherry