Okay...I have no social skills...I'll be the one to do it...

Julie, I feel the same way you do...like I got off easy or something.  Dr. Foote isn't as known for the DS as Dr. Kemmeter is, and I got a lot of crap from Kimberley for using him.  I know now that she was only trying to look out for what was best for me, but there were a few times I could feel my feathers getting ruffled a bit.  Looking back now, I guess I should have taken more time when deciding who I was going to use for a surgeon.  However, as a disclaimer:  Dr. Foote did an excellent job and took amazing care of me, and I couldn't be happier with my results.

This whole process is so hard, from deciding what surgery to get to determining which surgeon to use.  I have a lot of mixed feelings about the choice of surgeons topic, because the reality is, you need experience to become experienced:  how does a surgeon become experienced without actually performing the surgeries?  I guess that's my huge question mark in all of this.  Maybe I am being dense here, and if someone could help me understand, I'd appreciate it.  When I chose my surgeon, I researched as much as I could about his past results, and talked to as many of his DS patients as I could find at the time.  I personally felt like I was making an informed decision at the time.

 Actually, Heather, Foote did the DS BEFORE Kemmeter, and Kemmeter assisted in many of Foote's, before he flew solo, and I think Kemmeter told me that Foote was going to come in and help out with mine (I, of course, have no recollection if he actually did, LOL).     Foote IS a good surgeon, whether Kimberley says so or not (no offense Kimberley) it's just that he made kind of a big mistake by pushing the whole ERNY thing as a means of helping failed RNY's.    Footealso now really pushes the VSG more, and (this is speculation here) I think he does so because he wants to cover his ass on the whole malnutrition thing.    I think that's eventually going to come back and haunt him as he sees VSG'ers regain.   He also now cuts a more conservative DS - smaller sleeve, larger common channel, and the two of you who I know have had it (Sheanie being the other one) are doing just fine.

Well, see, I learn something new every day.  I never knew he did the DS before Kemmeter.  Kimberley agreed that Foote is a good surgeon, she just didn't want me using him for my DS.  She was more afraid that I was going to come out with a VSG instead of a DS than his actual skills, I think. 

Can I just say, and this is solely in regards to the way things are handled at GHP, that I feel like they make it harder for you to make an informed decision about which surgeon you're going to use?  What I mean by that is that you go to the seminar, and one of the surgeons does it - which one is just the luck of the draw.  Then they schedule you for your intake appointment with the internist, and they ask you who you want to use for your surgeon and which surgery you want.  My intake appointment was like maybe a week after my seminar; at that point, I hadn't even decided on the DS yet.  Foote did my seminar, so when asked, I chose him - based on nothing more than my impressions of him at the seminar.  I'm sure I'm not the only person who has chosen this way.  I think that they should make it a little clearer to new patients what each surgeon's "specialty" is:  Kemmeter with the DS, Foote with the VSG, and Baker with the RNY.  KWIM?

Foote's conservative DS has been perfect for me.  Not saying it is what's going to work for everyone, but I certainly feel like it was more tailored to my particular cir****tances, being a lightweight to begin with.

 I had the same problem - I scheduled with Baker, because he did my seminar.   Then, I decided I wanted the DS, found out that Baker didn't do the DS, so I rescheduled with Kemmeter.    I sure am glad I knew that in advance!

I'm one of the people with the good manners. Not that I don't admire Sue and Diana and EN and all the others who just put it all out there, not that I don't sometimes find myself thinking exactly the same things, just that I choose to express myself differently, both because that's what I'm comfortable with, and because I believe there are some people out there who will respond more to my gentle approach (and others who need the sledge hammer approach, there is a place for both).
     So the only thing I'll add to this so very valuable discussion is a request not to blame the victim. Yes, she made a poor decision. Yes, she didn't believe the warnings. But let's look at it from another point of view. Here's someone who is struggling and desparate, she has the presence of mind (and nerve) to actually ask surgeon #1 about his many changes of location and get some answers from him...she's not a medical professional...she's young (adult, yes, but young)...he's a very sauve and well spoken man...and she WANTS to believe him. So she does.
     Then her surgery is cancelled at the last moment (surely not her fault) and then she's offered the same surgery, with the guy the first surgeon was supposed to be assisting in the first place. It's either that, or another big (from her perspective) delay.
     My gut feeling is that there are a lot of other people out there who, given the same cir****tances, would have made the same poor decision. And of course it's easy for all of us, knowing the outcome, to say it was a poor decision. Not so easy when you're in the middle of it.
      Surely all of us, as MO or previously MO people, have some experience with being blamed for problems that were at least to some degree not subject to our control. I hope everyone will learn from Stephanie's sad story how very easy it is to make a poor decision, and THAT is the take home message. She put her trust in medical professionals. Her trust was misplaced. We tried to tell her that, but she trusted the professionals who were responsible for her care. At some poine each of us had to put our trust in someone, and she chose the wrong someone. That's it.

Larra

Well said, Larra.

I wan't aiming for a "blame the vicitm" thing either... but it's SUCH a fine line.  Certainy not her fault that a doctor with little or no experience in performing a complicated surgery decided to "go for the gold."  Not her fault he chose to do her surgery and not her fault she died.

OTOH...at some point, anyone who intentionally and rather demonstratively HIDES from those who KNOWS will disagree with her choices is putting herself in a position where she is more likely to be victimized.  (So...TRUE...no one should be attacked while innocently walking down the street...but those of us who are city slickers know that you don't walk down the street...late at night...in areas where sketchy people hang out...when you are tired and alone and unarmed and the cops are all busy at a highly publicized rave on the other side of town.  If you do, you aren't "asking for trouble," but you are placing yourself in an area where someone with bad intentions can easily find you.) 

Thanks, Larra.  I needed to make clear that I was not blaming her for her own death.  THAT was not her fault.

Sue, I know that wasn't what you were aiming for. But all of us are so angry about this, and I think it's easy for some of that anger to spill over onto Stephanie. You're right, it is a fine line.
      And she didn't go to a foreign country where, as we so often point out, you don't have the protections that we have here, or at least think we have here. Her surgeon was licensed, and, I believe, board certified. He has surgical privledges at what I assume is an accredited hospital. He's not a kid fresh out of medical school, he has years of experience as a surgeon...just not with the DS. Maybe he comes across really well in person. Having never met him, I have no way of knowing. And we're a bunch of people she's never met in person. It's hard to compete with that.
     I share your anger and sadness. I hope many other people will learn from Stephanie's experience and not make the same mistakes. That is the best we can hope for to come out of this.

Larra
    

I would like to speak on her behalf because she no longer can.  She hid, because the tone she felt that was coming from the boards was nothing more than mocking, hostile, and "told you so, come out come out where ever you are!".  She didn't even get a chance to come to these boards herself to say that her surgeon bailed on her.  Someone came and "ratted" her out in a very nasty way.  She felt betrayed and quite truthfully, she was. That was HER news, her bad news and she was crushed and embarrassed.  She also knew that we were right, but she was scared to come here and get flamed.  She didn't feel supported she felt attacked.  She told me this via facebook and it's on her blog, just for reference.  This is how she felt and I believe her feelings were valid.

Perhaps if people would have had a little bit of empathy things may have been different.  Maybe not, we'll never know.  We tried to talk her out of it, but she was set.  She wanted to show that she was ready and this back up surgeon wasn't going to bail on her, she would prove everyone wrong.  I just wish she would've felt comfortable to come back and talk to someone and not fear retribution.

Yes you need a thick skin.  Yes you need to be your own advocate.  Yes you need to be strong.  Sometimes though, some people just can't be all of those things all at once and all of the time.  Some people slowly learn to be that way after their surgeries.  She was another fat girl trying to be healthy and happy. 

Sometimes the tone should just be different.  I wish this whole thing was just different.  She did make her own decision, I just wonder if I/we could've helped her make a different one by having a different approach.

I don't recall that she was ratted out, and in fact had paid little attention to her doings once it was clear that she would not be deterred from going with Husted and Juacuz. I'm sorry to hear she felt mocked. In no way do I blame her for her own death. But I'm going to stand by my belief that she made very poor choices and they ultimately cost her her life. That's just a statement of fact, not as assignment of blame. (If I had died from my surgery, it would have been the same thing: I made decisions and choices that ended in my demise. Period.)

Hopefully we'll know soon what the real cause was.

I'm not going to spend time worrying about "changing my tone," though. I can't MAKE anyone feel anything. Those are choices that people make for themselves. I contribute what I'm willing and able to contribute.

Something I'm NOT willing to do is stand by silently while people make idiotic decisions. I either speak up as loudly as I'm inclined to do, or I walk away. Neither action is good enough for some people. But I can only do what I can live with, or I'll make myself crazy.