Next step in my Band to DS journey. Is it just me?

Hey everyone,

So I had my barium swallow last week and they found what they think is a diverticulum so they are scheduling me an EGD with Dr. Sudan in a week or so.  I'm nervous about that, isn't that crazy?  I don't know if it's the fact that I'm super claustrophobic or the EGD gets me one step closer to my DS which I'm really worried about or maybe both.  I'm a mess....

I've had a roller coaster of feelings over the last week.  I went into the Band so positive and now I'm so negative about this one - just focusing on all of the bad things that could go wrong.  I was so hopeful about this evil little piece of plastic that is now the bane of my existance.  

They seemed pretty positive about my insurance approval but you never know.  They said that since the port is flipped and I have some issues that Aetna is pretty easy for revision approval - is that true?  I can't imagine it is - Aetna isn't easy about anything. 

Did any of you all have these mixed feelings?  I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing and I'm not ignoring any doubts like I did with the band.  But how do you listen to the doubts and process them without letting them take over? 

Yup, I'm a mess!

 Well, you could sit down and make a positive and a negative list about the DS. See if in your mind the positive will out weigh the negative.
And keep reading.

Hi C,
I can't give you any real advice since (as you know) I'm a newbie and pre-op as well.  But I want to tell you that I'm sure your feeling are totally normal.  You deserve to have a better life. You deserve to be healthy and happy.  Just remember that as you proceed with your journey.

S

Thank you for responding Inge, you and my husband said the exact same thing.  So here goes:

My Negatives:

Surgery - something could go horribly wrong
Permanent - what if I'm miserable and I hate it?
Hair loss (not a big one, just listing them all out as the come to my head)
Malnutrition
Feeding Tubes
Expense for and "inconvenience" of vitamins for the rest of my life
Recovery time and time off from work
What if it triggers an MS attack?
I'm a "lightweight" (5'4", 225lbs) and I have kids and hubby who need me.  Am I being selfish?
What if it doesn't work???

My Positives:

It probably will work
Lower triglycerides
Lower cholesterol (Even on Lipitor it never got lower than 210)
No more snoring and making my poor hubby sleep on the couch due to the noise
No more frothing!
No more "PBing"!
No more pain above the band!
No more port pain!
Increased energy
Better able to exercise and get healthier
Ability to "fit" in seats in a variety of places
Ability to "fit" into society
Ability to "fit" into normal sized clothes
Less discrimination at work
Won't need to "hide" my fat behind my purse or the table.  Won't need to grab a small child to thrust in front of me each time my picture is taken. 
AND:
Ride all the roller coasters I want without jackasses making comments about my weight as they try to click my fat ass in.


I'm sure there are more but that's what we came up with together.  I think it comes down to this for me - am I being selfish?  What if something happens to me?  I mean, my family relies on me for so much am I wrong to do this?  Is this uneasiness God telling me it's not right even though I feel He led me here?  (But did He?). 

I'm curious what others were thinking as they got closer.  Were the positives/negatives similar? 

 I'm not a revision - just a virgin DS'er, so I'm sure my perspective is a bit different.    I also went into the DS with an incredibly optimistic attitude.    I have had a few bumps along the way, but even with them, I would do the DS all over again, ever year if necessary, for the rest of my life.

Now, I have to close my eyes and force myself to remember how difficult it was to get around when I was MO, because now it's so darn easy to bounce all over the place.   Well, except to mow lawns and open heavy doors, because I don't have the weight behind me to push things anymore!

The difference between the DS and the Band?  The DS WORKS.    The failure rate is minimal, especially if you go to a vetted surgeon.   I really don't think you are ignoring the doubts with this one.   Yes, taking vitamins is a commitment, but it's one that becomes habitual.  Yes, you do have to be careful of your simple carbs if you don't want to become a fart  machine.  Even that's not a biggie - when I know I won't be bothering anyone with them, I eat crap - if I'm going to be around people, I don't.    

I have to say, no I had no doubts. maybe talking it out with a third party like a therapists would help you?

How very brave you are to be so open and upfront about your fears.

Treat yourself as if you were someone that you love, perhaps a beloved friend or child. Compassion for self is where the healing begins. The surgery takes care of the physical but with weight comes pain, and sadness and shame. Anyone who has struggled with weight, food and body image knows how to beat themselves up. How about you start with trying to talk to yourself in a loving way, it is ok to be afraid we all are at some point or other. As a band to DS revision wannabe, I hear your concerns.

Perhaps your time of suffering is over, perhaps all will be well, when I get crazy I think, hey I am expending energy on worry, it isn't getting me anywhere, so I am going to choose to put my energy into visualising what I want and everything working out... Try it next time you get scared or worried....

You are not on your own, I have read other posts on this site from people struggling with similar things and I say to you what I have said to them, it is not your fault.

Thought I might chime in.
I am 10 days post-op from revision from band to DS.
I didn't think I had any mechanical failure from the band. I had no pain and no problems. I was just hungry all the time & didn't lose much weight. Weight I did lose, I gained back.

After my surgery, I read my opertaive report. Come to find out, that pos plastic crap band had grown into my stomach, AND liver! YIKES! I can't imagine how much more damage it would have done, if I had not followed God & my heart to revise!

Let me tell you, the DS is MUCH more different than the band. I AM FULL! I don't even think about food anymore (except when I make my kids food)

I think you have respectful doubts. I had the SAME ones. But, complications are very few and far between. I know, it could happen to any one of us.

The decision is yours, good luck

Would you mind if I repeated this for those that need to see that you don't have to experience pain and problems for the band to harm you ?

"I had no pain and no problems. I was just hungry all the time & didn't lose much weight. Weight I did lose, I gained back. After my surgery, I read my opertaive report. Come to find out, that pos plastic crap band had grown into my stomach, AND liver! YIKES !  "

Thank you all so much for your comments.  I had tears as I read them, I just feel so blessed that there are such great people on this board *****ally help.

I am talking to the therapist of course, but I don't think you really "get it" unless you've been here.  It's sort of like talking to a skinny NUT who doesn't have a lot of experience with DS patients.  Some of the advice you get is great, but not all of it.  Maybe even not most of it.

I think I do beat myself up for failing on this ridiculous Band.  Sometimes it seems like NOTHING will work because it's ME that's the problem, not the tool.  I don't feel that way 99% of the time but it does creep in there.  

You are all the best people, thank you!