OT - feeling horrible about being overweight

If this gets too long, please bear with me.  I'm going to share with you all because frankly I would never even tell anyone else.  My stepdaughter is visiting and we've had a less than perfect relationship.  She is 26 (I've been with her dad since she was 16) and brought her 4 year old daughter to visit.  They've been here a couple of days and we're enjoying them very much and I hope they are having a good time.  When her dad and I got together and until we had a child together a few years later, I was thin-ish.  After the baby, we moved to Texas and for a lot of stress-related (and probably some hormonal) I gained 80 pounds.  I feel horrible at this weight and have for the six years I've had it.  My stepdaughter still gossips with her mom about me and my added weight - or at least I believe she does.  The last time I saw her (a couple of years ago), I caught her taking pictures of me on the sly and sendng them to her mom.  Her mom has made comments to my husband, etc.

So, I feel absolutely paranoid, horrible and ugly.  But, I've been trying to deal with it and just make the best of their time here.

So a tv show comes on with a very overweight character and my kind-of granddaughter announces very loudly "oh, look at that fat girl, she looks just like you."  I am mortified.  I am embarassed. 

Words just can't say how horribly being overweight hurts.

There's a lot of details I'm leaving out of here for the sake of brevity, so there's a lot of factors to this. 

Anyway, I know some of you might know how this feels, so I appreciate your listening. 

How dare she!!! Have you and your husband spoke about this? Okay, you gained 80 pounds and your man is a hell of a man for staying with you! I know this because my hubby and stayed with me thorugh my 130 pound gain. I could only imagine how you are feeling about this sweetie and I am so sorry your having to go through this! I'm here if ya want to chat at all.

Stacy

When my son was little he would draw pictures of his family.  We were not stick figures.  We were two circles, with arms and legs coming off of the larger body circle.  Kind of like a half snowman person.  This really hurt my feelings for a while.

Then, I work at an elementary school.  The kids would always ask me if I had a baby in my tummy, and I would say no.  One day, while the principal was standing by me a kid asked, and when I said no I did not have a baby in my belly he asked what was in there... so I told him I was stuffed with fluff like Winnie the Pooh.  My principal laughed, but I was so embarrassed.

One day, when I was walking into a mall with my son in a stroller a bunch of teenagers "oinked" at me very loudly.  And I cried.

I had a man look at me like I was trash when I applied for a job.  He had my resume in hand, had spoken to my references, and when he called my name and I stood up for my interview he looked me over and immediately I knew I would not get the job.

These are just a few of the things I have lived with in the past 20 years as a large person.  Being fat sucks.  It hurts, in more ways than one.  But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

I am not a different person now, just a thinner one, and I hate that people treat me differently now because I am thin.  I have not changed on the inside.

Know this may not help, but hope you know you are not alone in your struggle.

Welcome to our forum.

I am sorry that your step grandchild was so cruel.  I know how you feel.  Every over weight person does.  One of the parents in my daughters first grade class told her daughter if she didn't loose weight she'd grow up to look just like me!!  I didn't cry.  I kind of laughed.  The woman who said this was so thin that none of the other parents in the class room knew she was pregnant until she had the baby.  Now that woman has real problems and so will her 7 year old daughter!!!  My daughter draws beautiful pictures of me.  She senses how uncomfortable I am with my weight.  She knows I am larger than the other parent (and my wonderful adoring husband) and she always greets me with a hug and a smile and tells the others proudly that I am her MOM!  This is why I want the DS.  I want to be healthy for her.  To be here to see her get married and have her own family.  Gently say if your grand daughter says something terrible again, "God made all of us a bit different, but all of us are special."  It might help.  Hugs to you.
Melissa

My heart aches for you because I understand how you feel; ashamed.

But you know what?  You're going to do something about it.  You're making progress.  

Be proud.  You're not sitting in a lump waiting for time to pass.  You're fixing the damage.

Best of luck sweetheart.

Out of the mouths of babes huh?  The thing is ... we all have stories like this... and hurt feelings... I think that all of us have been through things like this and can tell stories like this... The good thing is that you have a place where you can come to and air these things out... also..  you are trying to do something about it.... Words do hurt... I know that better than anyone... but just consider the source....
Good Luck with this journey!

*****HUGS******* I'm so sorry. I hope your granddaughter has better influences in her life than her shallow ***** of a mother.

Hang in there. Four year olds notice the INNER person quickly, so just love on that little girl all you can. Maybe you'll even get a chance to talk with her about people being all shapes, colors and sizes. Or to talk about love being the most important thing of all.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I don't really have much advice other than you are not alone. Sending hugs your way!

I'm so sorry that happened to you.  I've never felt comfortable in my own skin and have always been so self-conscious.  I don't have any advice, but I have lots of hugs and understanding....

Susan

Thank you everyone for your responses and kind words.  At the moment I sent that, I just wanted to crawl away somewhere.  But those moments pass, and you are all right, I need to just use it as further ammunition to take care of the problem.  You are all so nice - thank you!!!!