Newbie advice from a crap DSer about poo.

Excellent post!

Especially in the first six months, as soon as you feel the need to go, start heading for the bathroom. Just like my mother used to argue with me when I was little, I would argue with myself,"Go to the bathroom before we leave." "But, I don't need to go." "Try."

After running halfway across Wal-Mart holding my butt like a freshly potty trained toddler, I now try to go before I leave the house and I still head to the bathroom as soon as I feel the call.

What the hell are percy pigs? :) Gone to google... :)

Eeek... percy pigs... wrong on SOOOOO many levels :)

Okay, as a pre-op, I think I'm just not getting the picture here of just how bad BMs and farts are for DSers.  I mean, no I don't want to come over and sniff someone's bathroom post BM, but I'm very curious about this, maybe I'll just have to wait and smell for myself.  Just how bad can it be, I want to know! Also, I hear folks saying they are on the toilet for 20-30 minutes, really? It makes sense, though, if your body rids itself of 80% of the fat you consume, that  might be a LOT of poop.  I guess I'm from the Show Me State on this one, I can't just be told it's smelly or you can really poop THAT much, I have to experience it.  It's all quite fascinating to me. 

Well, here's a great example:

Today, I decided to use a lot of half & half in my protein coffees instead of my regular lactose-free milk.  Mind you, I am pretty severely lactose intolerant...BUT, in my defense, half & half doesn't usually bother me (but in hindsight, I usually don't use anywhere NEAR the quantities that I used today).  So...fast forward to this afternoon.  My son is learning how to drive.  We were out practicing on two-tracks by my parents' house.  My car now vaguely smells like some critter crawled up under one of the seats and died, and has now been rotting for a couple of days.  Yes, my tortured guts produced THAT kind of smell.  My son wanted to kick me out of the car, even with me using air freshener.  Neither of us could stop laughing; we both had tears coming out of our eyes...but that very well could have been from the stench.  The world may never know.

Trust me:  DS farts really *DO* smell far worse than anything you've ever experienced.

 Ahh, sounds like a true DS family moment.  I can't believe I might be producing smells like that of a  rotting corpse in the not-so-distant future, oh the sacrifices.

My farts aren't always that much worse smelling than my pre-op ones or my normie fiancee - it is that they linger SOOOOOOOO much longer and with such strong force.  Some of them are FOR SURE worse....it all depends on what I'm eating or have eaten recently.  But the hang time = forever almost!

And I don't sit on the toilet for 20-30, EVER.  I do go as soon as I get the urge or I have to RUN there.  There is no more waiting on the poop time, at all.  When I have to go, I have to go - period.  I go in do my thing and I'm out in like 5 minutes.  Provided I am not constipated with hard poop.  I am one of the DS'ers that has issues with constipation.  I have to take an insane amount of magnesium, stool softeners, miralax, and fat to be able to go on a regular basis.  I can go from hard to pass poop to diarrhea all in the same day.

I seriously cannot stop laughing. That is the best written thing about poo in the history of mankind. I think I'm in love.

Outstanding. LOL!!!

I would like to weigh in on these topics:

The myth: THE DS MAKES YOU FART AND **** UNCONTROLLABLY ONE MILLION TIMES A DAY UNTIL YOUR BUM HOLE CRUMBLES AND BLOWS AWAY IN THE DOWN DRAFT.

Sweetie. You nailed this one. Nothing to add here.

DSERS **** THEMSELVES

This happened 2ce for me. Multi cereal bread during the first 6 months. Yes I was a slow learner. Both times I was taking the Fuzzy Butt out for a midnight pee (we were sill in Kuwait at the time). I threw on a dress and took him downstairs. About the time that I went "Oh I have to..." I did. So I waddle back to the elevator, go up to my apartment and have to take a very early morning shower. Shouldn't have been eating the bread anyway but it was really good.

Oh! And sweetie!! I call this  as opposed to a liquid chocolate or beige river of hissing bum acid.
"Pudding Poo".

Kirmy,

This is some hilarious **** you have written here. Although I would like to add thay not all DSers constantly **** themselves, some just can't **** Here is an old post of mine....

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/DS/3441195/NOT-All-DSers-have-the-runs-humor-long-gross/

Hope the link works, from way back.

Dot